Page 1 of Crying Shame
Prologue
Elon
Orlando was hot. It was a sticky heat that did nothing to dampen the excitement of the children visiting the city's theme parks. Their overtired parents acted like drill sergeants at the airport, the hotels, and the parks.
I couldn’t find Clarissa anywhere. So I called in a favor with one of Pedar’s business associates, and by the late afternoon, I had her home address from her personnel file. I let the limo driver take me there, as I was too tense to drive.
Eight years ago, I’d been a sophomore in college. Clarissa had been a freshman. For a month, we’d secretly dated, and I’d never let myself relax around her. I’d imagined I’d ruined my life, and my desire to make Pedar and Maman proud of me was so screwed up that I’d destroyed the best thing I’d ever had.
At Clarissa's apartment complex, I went to the second landing and knocked. No one answered. She had every right to punch me in the face for what I’d said when I'd broken up with her. Honestly, I’d been an asshole. The words haunted me more as I got older. For some odd reason, for years now the more patients I saw pregnant and going through pain, the more I thought of her. Until I’d told her we were a bad idea, she’d been the only woman in my life who mattered. Only later had I realized the only person to blame for my loneliness was me.
Unlike me, Clarissa had been smart and funny—she deserved far more than I’d offered her. When I started the mission to find her to apologize, I’d hoped she would be happily married, living out her dream.
Her run-down apartment, built probably sixty years before, made me pause before knocking a second time. I’d found out she worked on her feet every day, and my tension burned at the knowledge.
When she didn’t answer my second knock, a neighbor, a woman in her twenties with dark circles under her eyes, yawned as she stepped outside and regarded me curiously.
“Do you know where Clarissa Brown is?” I asked.
She shrugged then gave me a side-eye. “She’s not here anymore.”
I kept my distance in order not to upset her. “What do you mean she’s not here?”
She tilted her head. “Clarissa quit her job and moved out of her apartment yesterday.”
Adrenaline rushed through me. I knew from the private investigator that Clarissa had been working at one of the theme parks. I had no idea if she had been tipped off that I was looking for her, but moving out seemed extreme. I narrowed my gaze. “You’re sure?”
She yawned again. “You can ask the front desk manager.”
I went back to the first floor and approached a woman sitting at the computer by the front desk. “I’m here looking for Clarissa Brown in apartment 203.”
She stood and gazed at the expensive cut of my shirt and pants. “She left without taking her belongings. Is there anything I can do for you?”
My ears buzzed. She’d run from me. My gut twisted. “What?” I asked as I realized she’d said something else.
She sighed. “Clarissa said she’d been found and needed to disappear, but she didn’t mention she’d found herself a Christian Grey.”
My blood ran cold. I’d not read the book, but I ignored her comment. “If I pay to move her things out of the apartment, can I go inside?”
She tilted her head, sat down, and leaned back in her seat. “How do I know you’re on the level?”
I took out my credit card. “I’ll pay the next month’s rent right now if you need.”
A man from a side office called out to her, “Swipe his card and give him the key.”
She nodded and typed on her computer. “Here you go, sir.”
I took the key, and as I walked back to Clarissa's apartment, every step echoed in my ears.
I’d finished college, medical school, residency, and started my own firm that was going nationwide. And instead of enjoying my life, I’d been afraid to lose everything, which was all just in my head. Pedar and Maman were always supportive and it wasn’t just the money to do whatever I wanted.
I unlocked Clarissa’s door and saw the cheap furniture. I’d thought she would be better off without me. Standing there, I felt like a stalker. I pivoted to leave but saw a photo on the floor of the kitchen. Clarissa, fully grown and recognizable with her red hair, clapped as a young boy stood at a birthday cake. I inched closer and picked it up off the floor. “Who’s this boy?” I asked aloud. In answer, my heart whispered the truth.
She’d never told me. I’d been so stupid that day I'd broken up with her. It now seemed undeniable that I’d impregnated her and broken her heart. My soul shattered into a thousand pieces. Twenty-year-old me had handled that grown-up situation all wrong. I must have been the reason she’d dropped out of college—I’d left her to raise a child on her own.
I didn’t deserve any of the blessings that I possessed. I grabbed my phone to call one of my brothers. Jeff was a lawyer, so hopefully, he would give me options.
On the second ring, he answered, and after hellos, he asked, “Did you talk to Gerard?”
