Page 28 of Eat Your Heart Out
12
Ali
The second I made it back to my room, the icky feeling of being alone rushed through me. I needed to escape, but then I caught sight myself in the mirror. The woman staring back at me wasn’t even me. The color in my hair had been meant to repel my old life, I guessed, but I absolutely didn’t fit into Gerard’s world.
I searched the shampoo collection and called downstairs for some baking soda. Zheng would be right up.
I looked through the ridiculous two-pieces I would never wear and, in the back of the closet, found a one-piece. I tossed it on the bed and answered the door. I thanked Zheng then went to work in the bathroom, mixing the baking soda and the shampoos. After five washes, the color was gone. It hadn’t been a permanent one, anyhow.
I studied myself in the mirror on the wall in my room. “Better. No one else at his party had obviously fake hair. Maybe I’ll fit in better when we get back.” I cringed at what I’d said. Fitting in and wanting to be liked were daydreams that hadn’t happened to me in years.
My gaze dropped to my scars as I lowered my towel. I wasn’t designed for nice things, and I glanced at the bed and cringed. “Bathing suit.” Swimming wasn’t good. Even with the one-piece, he would see some of my horrendous scars.
Maybe his look of disgust would cure my crush on him. In my mind, it was mostly the thought of him and his kiss that rocked me to my core. But I was a monster. Despite that, I tugged the bathing suit on because I was a trooper. I just wished looks didn’t matter. I fished through the closet and found a beach wrap. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to see through the sheer fabric. Most likely, though, he would keep his disgust to himself, as his mother had raised him to be polite. Still, I longed to believe his kindness was anything more than just that.
After what felt like an eternity later, I left the room. No one was in the halls, so I was fine walking until I made it to Gerard. He pulled himself out of the pool and dried himself. My mouth opened, and in my head, he tugged me into his arms and claimed my lips. I shook off the thought. We weren’t meant to be. In the end, I would always be alone.
He stood in front of me, and my entire body buzzed as he looked me up and down. I was sure he would ask about the wreck, but he said, “You changed your hair.”
I let out a sigh, though I knew it was his upbringing that made him avoid the sensitive topic. “It was time to remove the lies.”
He blinked. “I hope you didn’t do it for me.”
My heart jumped into my throat. “Why? Do you not like it?”
He reached for my hand, and his touch burned through me, making me believe I belonged. “I liked looking at the old you, but I am enjoying the new you right now.”
Heat rushed to my face. I wasn’t sure what to say, and I gazed at the water. He would see all of me soon. The lonely, sad, scarred, and pathetic me couldn’t hide anymore.
Then his phone beeped. He showed me his screen. “My mom’s calling.”
I backed up a step but came too close to the edge of the pool to go farther. “I can give you a few minutes.”
He waved for me to sit in the chair next to him. “Stay right here beside me.” He waved on the video chat and said, “Hey, Maman.” Then he held the phone so we were both on the screen.
I gazed toward the phone from my place at his side as his mother said, “Gerard, Ali. You look wonderful.”
I pivoted to stare at him. “We were going to go swimming.”
“Sounds wonderful.” She smiled at me, then she addressed Gerard. “I spoke to the captain about the hurricane brewing. He already knew and changed course.”
Gerard laughed. “Maman, we’re grown-ups.”
I met his gaze and smiled at the twinkle in his eye.
She shrugged. “I will always worry about you, though I see I was clearly interrupting something.”
My lips pressed together, then I said, “No, you weren’t.”
She waved at me. “Have a good swim, you two.”
We said goodbye, and she hung up.
The blood in my veins stirred as my head filled with questions. She couldn’t honestly think we might be dating. I wasn’t sure why that thought came to me at all. She was probably just being polite.
As he put his phone back on the chair, I sat on my hands. “She thought something was going on between us.”
He dropped his towel, and I saw once more how muscular he was. “Don’t worry about anything. Let’s hop in and have some fun.”
“Sounds perfect,” I said, though my heart thumped as I removed my wrap.
It was impossible to believe I would ever belong there, so he might as well see what had happened to me. Then he would stop being so nice, because the connection we had couldn’t possibly be real. Destiny didn’t exist, and if it did, my cards were already dealt. I knew whatever bubbled to be released from my chest wasn’t a possibility.
