Page 135 of Salute, To Bravery
I said nothing.
“So, what’s up?” Her voice cracked. It broke my heart knowing that I’d caused this stress. Her beautiful warm brown eyes were full of tears. It was as if I had interrupted a crying session.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
Ophelia rolled her eyes, clearly trying to hide the fact that she was crying. “You wouldn’t understand—”
“Try me. You talked about it to Leanne, why won’t you talk about it to me? I’m your girlfriend, not her…” I paused. “Are you cheating on me?”
“No. I would never dream about it.” She seemed frightened. “How do you know I talked to Leanne? Did she talk to you?”
“That time in the car, you were both crying. I connected the dots. You don’t have to do this alone. Let me help you.”
“No.”
There was something else going on that she wasn’t telling me; I just couldn’t figure it out.
“Why?” I asked.
I need to help her.
I need to help her fix herself.
I can’t sit here and watch it happen.
“Because I’m too much! I’ve always been too much. You don’t deserve me. You shouldn’t have to deal with my bullshit. You shouldn’t have to deal with the mess of my life! You don’t deserve to watch someone start over. You deserve better than that.”
I stayed silent, trying to find my wording. I couldn’t describe how I felt. It hurt that she didn’t trust me, made me feel unworthy. I knew I was just taking it personally. She was not purposely trying to make me feel that way.
“See.” She started to pace, and tears were breaking her eyes.
“No, I don’t see. Don’t make me your villain. I’m not your villain. I’m your partner. You’re supposed to talk to your partner, which you haven’t been doing. I understand why, but that doesn’t change the fact that you haven’t been communicating. You don’t get to tell me what I deserve. I know what I deserve.”
“You deserve the world.” She stopped pacing and looked at me. Her eyes were in so much pain. It broke my heart.
“What if you’re my world?”
“Why would worthless-little-me be your world? Why do you think I deserve your love?” She was repeating someone else’s words. She wouldn’t say this unless she believed it.She actually believed this.
“You aren’t worthless. What’s making you say this?”
She looked up to the ceiling and then back into my eyes. “In Japan, my sergeant witnessed me having a panic attack and deemed me unworthy of being there. If I don’t deserve that dump, I sure as hell don’t deserve you. You’re kind, smart, and a businesswoman. I work at the animal shelter—goodness gracious. You are too good for me.”
“You deserve someone who is kind and smart. I love that you work at the animal shelter.”
“That’s beside the point—”
“How about this…” I paused. “I’ll switch to a different therapy group.” She started to protest, but I put my finger to my mouth. “You need a place where you can talk freely. You are worthy of that. You need to find yourself again, and you should talk to me. It’s putting too much stress on this relationship to be in the same therapy group.”
“But they’re your friends too.”
“I’ll still stay in contact with them. But youneedto go to therapy. You need to feel safe in your therapy session, and if you don’t feel comfortable with me there, then I’ll change.”
She simply nodded. Ophelia was holding her hands in front of her body. “I need you, just don’t leave me.”
“Not in my wildest dreams.”
Chapter Seventeen.
