Page 12 of The Plus One
What the fuck was wrong with him? Who had he become? He didn’t know himself anymore, and it scared the fuck out of him.
Jude had heard Indira and Collin bicker before. Hell, growing up, neither of them had had a conversation without someone ending up raising their voice. But all of a sudden, he couldn’t handle it.
He couldn’t handleanythinganymore. And Jude fucking hated himself for it.
He was supposed to be in control of himself, of his world. He’d always been a rational, even-keeled,skilleddoctor. His entire life’s purpose revolved around helping people. But here he was, a man in absolute shambles and no clue what to do to fix it. He was disgusted with himself.
Thoughts and emotions rushed across his brain in blinding flashes, none sticking around long enough for Jude to make any sense of them. It didn’t matter. Nothing had made sense to him in a long time.
Eventually, Jude got his breathing under control, and his heart stopped threatening to punch out of his chest.
Body spent and tingling with a settling numbness, he restarted the car. Without much thought—he was too fucking tired of thinking, to be honest—he started driving, following a path he knew all too well.
He passed across highways and cityscapes and twists of green hills, driving to a place he’d been avoiding since he’d gotten back.
Home.
CHAPTER 6
Jude
Without registering much of the drive, Jude eventually pulled up to his childhood home, the car idling as he stared at the squat house with white siding and a deep-green door.
Jude loved his parents. Admired them endlessly.
Which meant he was swamped with self-loathing at the resentment that darted through him every time he thought about seeing them.
Jude’s parents had always just scraped by—his dad was a machinist for Philly Gas Works, and his mom a preschool teacher during the day and waitress at night.
They were one of those working-class couples cursed with frequent and near-devastating financial hits ranging from exploding carburetors to freak accidents and a fair amount of medical emergencies thrown in.
Get out of the car, Jude told himself, staying firmly seated as his heartbeat sawed against his sternum.Go in and see your parents. Smile at them. You did this for them.
Jude had watched debt eat away at his parents in this home, every paycheck stretched so thin that some months there was nothing left,placing brick after brick of stress on their backs as they tried to stay afloat.
Jude had vowed that would never be him. He wouldn’t live this life where every action was dictated by the crushing weight of bills stacking up on the table and bank accounts being overdrawn.
He’d vowed to stop it from being their reality too.
Scrounging up any inner-strength and calmness he could muster, Jude got out of the car, walking along the perfectly kept yard and up the three stone steps to stand in front of the door. The door he’d always dreamed of buying for his parents.
Jude didn’t earn as high a salary as his hospital-based colleagues, but GHCO did pay him well enough and his lack of general expenses meant he always had a surplus of money.
He’d directed most of it toward his folks.
He’d never felt prouder than the day he’d been able to write to them, explaining that he’d paid off their house, a financial burden that had been poised to force his parents to work until they keeled over on the job. Now, they even had retirement in sight because of Jude.
It made everything he’d seen worth it.
Almost.
With one last deep breath, Jude knocked on the door, taking a step back as he waited.
His mom’s face appeared through the glass door, her plump and sweet features morphing from greeting to confusion then to pure, screaming joy.
“Oh my God,” she cried, pushing the door open and throwing her arms around her son. Jude was much taller than her, but it didn’t matter. Maria clung to him, pulling him down and holding him close.
“My sweetheart,” she cried, pressing her nose into the crook of Jude’s neck and shoulder, breathing him in. “You’re here? What are you doing here?”
