Page 59 of The Plus One
Indira wasn’t sure they ever did feelrighttogether, but having someone around with the potential to love her had felt better than being alone. Being lonely.
Indira wanted so badly to be loved.
Still more silence from Jude. More babbling from Indira. “And while the circumstances around it were shitty beyond belief, the actual ending of the relationship didn’t feel like that much of a surprise. So, all this to say, uh, physical intimacy wasn’t a huge thing for us.”
They were quiet again, Indira locking her jaws shut for good measure. She heard Jude swallow, noticed the way his gaze kept landing on different places of her body and then darted away, everything in her heating with a mixture of mortification and desire.
“Should we…” Indira waved a hand at the grass before plopping down. Jude looked at her for a moment before following her lead.
They let the night sing its quiet tune around them, its rhythm washing away their embarrassment, the sharp bite of the wind attempting to lift the heated tension between them. Indira didn’t think Mother Nature was particularly successful on that front.
“I do feel better out here,” Jude said after awhile, plucking at the grass. His hands paused, like he’d just accidentally said something way too honest and raw.
Indira could let it go. She could pretend he hadn’t said anything indicating he’d been feeling less than fine, despite the obvious. Or she could reach out, one more time. She could softly, gently, ask him to trust her, if he wanted to.
“What do you mean?” she murmured, saying it low enough that he could act like he didn’t hear if he wanted. But he glanced at her instead, and Indira felt his look like a caress against her cheek.
“I guess… I don’t know. Something about the fresh air makes me feel… lighter. Like all the oxygen is cleaning out my head.” He tilted his neck, staring up at the stars. “That probably sounds silly.”
“It doesn’t.”
Jude was silent, and Indira let it linger. She knew that all the greatest conversations happened in silence. Discoveries, breakthroughs, puzzle pieces snapping into place, all occurred when two people let themselves think in comfortable quietness. It seemed like Jude needed all the silence he could get, and Indira wasn’t going to take that from him.
Indira lay down on her back, looking up at the stars dotting the inky-black night. For a second, it felt like she was floating, leaving gravity behind and sinking into the lovely sky. Then she thudded back onto earth at the shocking feel of Jude lying down beside her. It wasn’t long before their breathing was in sync, matching the gentle flow of the creek and the crickets singing around them.
“The trip up was kind of nice too,” Jude said after a few minutes. “Despite your awful driving.”
Indira let out an indignant noise. “Wow.Wow.Don’t be surprised if I abandon you here. Have fun living off dirt and marshmallows.”
Jude started laughing. “Oh my God, I just thought of something—”
“Don’t strain yourself.”
Jude bumped Indira’s shoulder, laughing harder. “Do you remember that summer when we were teenagers and you tried to take up cooking and your mom would make us all sit there and eat every bite of those disgusting meals?”
“Disgusting?”Indira screeched, propping up on her elbows to look down on him in shock. “I was basically a culinary prodigy!”
“Indira, you made us ramen with peanut butter, hot dogs, and American cheese. Please acknowledge how objectively gross that is.”
“It was a bold and brave take on a classic.”
“It tasted like dog shit.”
“Something I know for a fact you’re quite the expert on,” Indira said primly.
“Okay, that wasone timewhen I was nine and only because Collin bet me twenty dollars.One time.”
“You know how many times I’ve had dog poop in my mouth, Jude? Zero. I can go to my grave knowing that truth.”
“Oh, come on, twenty dollars feels like a million when you’re that age.”
“All I know is you are, quite literally, full of shit.”
Jude let out something like a growl and Indira threw her head back, cackling.
Memories continued to flow from them like water in the brook, gentle but determined. The once-irreparable annoyances and transgressions of their childhood turned into glowing, perfect memories that threaded them together.
“What made you choose psychiatry?” Jude asked suddenly. Quietly. Like her answer scared him a bit.
