Page 44 of Well, Actually
“You’re doing great,” Cooper says, the low tenderness in his voice surprising me so thoroughly I flinch. I slant a look at him, and his expression is serious, fixed on me. “That was fun, but Eva’s right, we should cut the friend stuff. It undermines our whole back-and-forth schtick.”
“I’ll make the editorial decisions on the content of the company I’m running, thank you,” William says in a stony voice.
I catch Aida’s eyebrows dipping, and I can tell she’s wondering if that’s true or if she’ll have to work through the night to get everything edited and uploaded herself at the rate Soundbites demands.
Cooper holds up his palms, leaning back. “Not trying to overstep—”
“Your gait isn’t long enough,” I mumble.
He shoots me a good-natured eye roll. “But I did want to gently remind you my contract states I have a not-insignificant say in the final content put on the site,” he continues. This is news to me, and my instinct is to be resentful that he has some level of protection and control in this thing while I’m floundering, but Cooper’s jaw is set, muscles poised in false relaxation contradicted by the protective glint in his eyes that I realize is for… me.
Indignation and anger flash across William’s face, but he smooths it into something placid, a hint of a patronizing smile on his lips. “Of course. And this is something that can be discussed over email instead of taking up significant filming time.”
“Right,” Cooper says with a genuine kindness, attention slipping from William back to me. “It’s Eva’s turn to get roasted, isn’t it?”
There’s a simmer to his voice, a hint of teasing that tickles down my spine. I tense my shoulders against it. “Taste of my own medicine, I’m sure you’d call it,” I reply, getting back into my apathetic character.
“Only if I were clever enough.” Cooper’s grin is so crooked and goofy I almost laugh. Aida counts us down again to start.
“All right, let’s see,” I say as my first mean comment pops up. I rapidly skim it, trying to fight a frown. “She seems like one of those girls that smell overwhelmingly like artificial vanilla,” I read in a monotone voice. I offer a catlike smile to the camera. “I actually smell like expensive perfume and disdain, but thank you for thinking I’m that sweet.”
“Your breath always smells like peppermint, so they aren’t that far off,” Cooper chimes in.
My head jerks back. “What are you talking about? Vanilla and peppermint are totally different scents. Also, don’t smell my breath, you creep.”
Cooper purses his lips and shrugs, fighting a flirty smile. He’s such a scamp and I want to strangle the insufferable cuteness out of him.
I focus instead on the next comment. “She’s like a skunk always ready to spray. Girl chill you don’t always need to go so hard.” I blink a few times, trying to tamp down the twist of pain in my gut, but I keep my cruel smile in place. “Right. Because the second a woman makes a retort or a sarcastic comment, she’s overreacting and being too sensitive. Men pick fistfights at bars over less but I’m the one who needs to chill.”
“For what it’s worth, I like you piping hot, Eva,” Cooper says, his voice more soothing than teasing. It irritates me all the more.
“Oh, good. You know how I live to please you.”
Cooper’s wounded expression has me wondering if maybe I am a skunk.
I read the next one quickly as a distraction. “I’m praying for Eva. Not for anything good to happen to her but that she falls in a ditch.” Wow. Okay. That’s kind of… awful. Whatever. I can recover. Quick as light in a vacuum. “Wishing for that too, girl. Anything to escape this post-capitalist hellscape, am I right?”
Cooper’s face is much more somber, and I don’t know how to respond.
William calls cut. “I didn’t love the latter part of your reaction. Let’s try a fresh take with a different one.”
“Uh, really?”
“I’m sure we can smooth it out in post,” Aida argues weakly.
William doesn’t visibly react. “Another one.”
After a beat, Aida counts me down again. Gritting my teeth, I start to read. “She looks like a— No. I’m not saying that.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m not going to read something derogatory like that about sex workers. It’ll need to be a different comment.”
William stares at me, skin taut and jaw clenched. “Fine. But I do ask that you not be unnecessarily difficult about this. We all have other important things we need to get to and this recording is eating up more time than anticipated. My mother led me to believe you would be a professional about all of this and I’d hate to report otherwise.”
I feel so abjectly mortified, I just sit there, praying my lower lip doesn’t start quivering.
“Well? What’s the holdup, Aida?” William snaps, gaze flicking to her. “Feed out another.”
