Page 109 of Summer Breakdown
“Daddy won’t pick me up,” she says, with a sniff. Jasmine is going to kill him. “And my chair is too bulky for his house, but Marcy measured it, and we think it would fit.” Jasmine’s jaw drops. No, it isn’t, and if it is, he needs to fucking move. “Daddy and Marcy argued about it, so maybe I can’t use it because it’s annoying.”
Jasmine’s eyes water immediately, and she searches the sheets for Frankie’s hand. She told her Lani didn’t want to be picked up earlier, and that they had to replace herwheels, and Jasmine has already sent eight ignored essays to Mike. She never wanted full custody because Lani loves him. She’d thought Mike might get better, though she was a single mum the entire time, but there’s a missed playdate and then there’s knowingly putting his child in danger. She’s not having it.
She drops down until she’s looking right at Lani. “Kehlani, you can use your chair whenever, wherever you want. You need to use it, baby. It’s okay to use it, and it’s okay to be carried.”
“Daddy likes it when I walk,” Lani says, her hands playing with Frankie’s top. Jasmine likes it when he doesn’t exist, but sometimes what you want isn’t something you can have. “But sometimes it hurts a bit, and I fall.”
Jasmine tightens her fingers against Frankie’s hand. She might be sick.
“Have you fallen recently?”
“Yesterday,” she says quietly. Mike didn’t even have the decency to tell her she fell over. “Marcel helped me tape my knees.”
“Is that why you didn’t want me to carry you today?” Frankie’s asks. Jasmine wants to seep to the floor. The way Frankie was asking her why Lani puts her arms up and then brings them straight back down.
Lani looks up at Frankie. “I don’t want you to not want to be with me because I always need picking up.”
Frankie gasps, tears forming in her waterline. “Oh, babe. I always want to be with you, and I always want to pick you up.”
Jasmine wipes the tears from Lani’s cheek.
“Promise?” Lani asks.
Frankie’s eyebrows furrow. “You know Ezra and Cam-Cam rush towards you whenever you’re around to see who will be able to hold you first, right?” Frankie asks, and Lani giggles, leaning her forehead against Frankie’s sternum. “It’s so easy because you’re only one apple tall.” Frankierepositions until Lani is sitting on her hand, and she balances her in the air. “See.”
She laughs, bending forwards, but Frankie has her. “What about when I’m two apples tall?”
Frankie places her on the bed, stands up, and holds her hand out for Jasmine. She doesn’t want to leave Lani, but she holds onto Frankie’s hand all the same. Frankie picks her up with ease, and Jasmine barely resists the urge to rest her head against her shoulder.
“Wow,” Lani says, her eyes wide. “You’re so strong.”
“Come here,” Frankie says, and Lani rushes across the mattress. Frankie picks her up as well. “I could lift Marcel up too.” Jasmine always knew Frankie could protect them if needed, but she never knew it would be like this—with kind words and soft looks. With making up stories for the happiness of a girl she balances delicately on her palm.
“I would want to pick you up even if you didn’t need your chair,” Frankie says.
Lani hums sleepily. Frankie kisses her on the top of the head, and then Jasmine on the nose. Jasmine’s heartbroken, but she knows she’s with someone who’s going to make it better, even if she did nothing wrong. Frankie places them both on the bed carefully. Lani leans against Frankie again, and Frankie spins her until she’s sitting in her lap.
“Baby,” Jasmine whispers, her hands against her cheeks. Jasmine has asked Lani a few times if she stills wants to go to her dad’s, and she lets her do what she wants. But Jasmine needs to prepare to disappoint her. She’ll protect her first. “I think maybe it would be best to spend the rest of the summer at home, and maybe a bit while you get settled with school? Because you need your strength, and—“
“Okay, Mama” she replies easily, resting her head against Frankie’s chest. “Home is my favourite.” It doesn’t feel like a victory that Lani prefers home here to her dad’s. Jasmine wishes she had both.
“You’re my favourite thing in the entire world,” Jasmine says softly.
“And I’ll always be your favourite? With Marcel,” she asks, with a yawn, “and Frankenstein?” Jasmine barely had a moment to think about what Frankie might mean to Lani before she became all she thought about, but she’s lucky that it worked out like this. Lani didn’t need to include her, but she thinks of her as family. Jasmine might think that too.
“Yeah,” Jasmine replies. “You’ll always be my favourite.”
Lani reaches for her but doesn’t try to get off Frankie. Jasmine used to be so hideously jealous of Mike when Lani or Marcel wanted to be with him over her. When he took credit for things she’d done. It was stupid, and after a while she realised she only wanted them to have whatever they wanted regardless of who gave it to them. Jasmine doesn’t feel jealous of Frankie. She’s grateful for her.
Jasmine gets closer, resting her head on Frankie’s thigh with Lani’s feet tucked under her chin. She kisses her shins, and the bottoms of her feet, and her knees. She kisses Frankie’s thigh too.
“Are you sleepy, Lan?” Frankie asks, when she shuffles against her.
Lani hums. “Can I sleep in here?”
Jasmine looks up at her, and Frankie nods, though she looks unsure. Jasmine won’t force her to stay the night.
“Yeah,” Jasmine whispers. “Let’s get comfy.”
