Page 116 of Summer Breakdown
“I know,” Ezra replies. He spins her a little until she rests her head on his shoulder. “I know you do.”
“I just want her to be happy,” she whispers. “That’s all I will ever want.”
“She loves you. Frankie loves you so much.”
Jasmine shakes her head.
“Everyone knows it.”
“It’s not enough,” she whispers. “God, I’m so pathetic.”
“You’re in love.”
“Same thing,” she sighs as Ezra drags a blanket over them. “I am trying so hard not to spiral but fuck me, I am so sad.”
“You’re allowed to be. Frank is sick, but she hurt you anyway.”
Jasmine sighs, she wants her back. Healthily, happily back, but back all the same.
“I’ve never seen her like she is with you,” Ezra says quietly. Jasmine doesn’t look up at him because it’s dark and his furrowed brow will hide most of his face anyway. “She never told grandma she’s a lesbian. Whenever we see her, she wears earrings and a ridiculous blouse she only wears to her house as if that’s going to stop her being gay.”
Jasmine frowns but Ezra is talking about before she can call a member of his family a wanker.
“Frank didn’t wanna upset her. She’s a raging homophobe but the only adult we had that didn’t get terrified of her bipolar. When Frankie was a child, she needed supervision for a lot of things because no-one knew how her mind worked. Man, our folks were awful at it, so Frankie thought it was a chore to do anything with her, so she stopped asking to do things.”
Jasmine’s heartbreaks at the thought. She’s seen childhood photos of Frankie with her afro and her bright windbreaker. She was dressed like she lived in the eighties, and she wasn’t even born until 1994. She deserved the world then and she deserves it now.
“But grandma would do it anyway. It was like halfway love. Frankie couldn’t get both things from any adult, so she kept her around anyway. So, Frank’s always thought she was difficult to love. Even if I told her she wasn’t, or Cam made her say it out loud, we knew she still believed it.”
Jasmine closes her eyes as Ezra talks. He could narrate an audio book. She wishes she had her notebook to tell him that later.
“There’s never a day she would ask for something. I have spent the better part of my entire life trying to make it, so she’ll ask for help. The smallest things, and the bigger things.”
Ezra’s the best brother Frankie could have. Maybe anyone. Well, Marcel is the best, but Ezra is so close.
“Then you came in with quote unquote wild hair and the prettiest face Frank has ever seen and changed her life.”
Jasmine lets it soothe her heart, but it’s merely a plaster right now. She needs Frankie.
“About three weeks ago,” he says softly. “She told grandma about you. Just casually, like the idea of hiding you was insane. She said she was going to move in with her girlfriend.”
Jasmine frowns. She could have. Jasmine would have let her after she’d discussed it with the children. Lani has not-so-subtly asked if she’s moving in for real about ten times. Marcel made space in the coat closet for her.
“I assumed you’d asked her already, but she said she was going to ask you. You make her feel safe enough to ask for something. Not a small thing either. She’ll panic and probably take three times longer than the average person, but she was planning on talking to you about it. She trusts you in a way she doesn’t trust anyone else.”
Jasmine sighs again, wiping her tears against the blanket. Frankie loves her. She might come out the other side different, and perhaps she won’t love her anymore, but for a small while, she did. That’s the most important thing. Jasmineis just a human under a million stars, and at some point, somehow, she was lucky enough for Frankie to love her.
She has no idea how she would ever get over something like that.
Jasmine’s eyes close, and Ezra’s breathing gets slower. Then, Frankie screams against her pillow, and Jasmine’s head spins around.
“I’ll go,” she says, when Ezra goes to move. “Sleep. Please.”
Jasmine pads over. “Frank?” she asks quietly. Slowly, with all the kindness she can muster, which is a lot. It’s a lot because it’s about Frankie.
Frankie mumbles, and Jasmine sits softly on the edge of her bed. There are no blankets when she’s alone because it’s boiling in here, and she gets herself caught up.
“Frankie.”
