Page 60 of Summer Breakdown
“I have thought about the lunch date that never happened, like, every second of my life. I thought about you and what it would mean to want someone the way I want you before I even knew you could exist. I am always thinking about it.”
Jasmine strokes down her spine, her fingers applying more pressure with every pass. She might be the only thing keeping her here.
“You’re not straight,” Frankie says, “and the moment you told me that, I panicked, and I was already halfway there because you’re stupidly charming and kind and statuesque with your beauty, but being a lesbian set it off. Straight girls love me, because they don’t have to like my face and they won’t stay. I’m a big lesbian; that’s all they need.”
“You’re tiny,” Jasmine whispers, and Frankie laughs, leaning against her. Jasmine wraps her arms around her shoulders.
Frankie takes a deep breath. “I’m used to being the one that does everything. The one that makes sure the other is having a good time, and you took over like a whirlwind in the best way. You wanted me, and I couldn’t figure out why. There was a chance you actually meant it when you asked me out, and I spiralled because, as I mentioned, I’m crazy, and I just—I had to leave, and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it.”
“Frank,” she whispers. “You’re exquisite.”
“Don’t,” she mutters. “You don’t have to do that. I’m fine with it. Honestly.”
“Frankie—“
“I’m terribly hard to like, and even harder to love. But I want you to stay,” Frankie says. “I will fix it. I want to fix it.”
Jasmine’s hand rests against her jaw like it did the first night, and she tilts Frankie’s face to hers before she replies. “All I need you to do is talk to me. That’s it, even if it doesn’t make sense. I want to figure this out with you.”
Frankie doesn’t believe her, even though she has no reason not to. It’s just that her whole heart is thrashing against her chest and she feels ready to vibrate out of her own skin. As if her whole body is humming with the question: Is this what it feels like?
God, no wonder people go feral for love.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
JasminehadthoughthavingEzra as a badminton teammate would be useful. Alas, her throat burns like she’s been running from a bear attack, and Ezra is on the floor. Big, useless man. Lani is not going easy on them. She wheels with ease every time Ezra gets the shuttlecock back over the net. Marcel is quick with it too, running behind her to flick back any she might miss.
The only way she’s still on the court and not lying on the bench feeling sad Frankie isn’t here is because Ezra is in a chatty mood. Mali said he wasn’t a big talker, but he’s coming for Lani’s crown. Jasmine has figured out Ezra will tell her stuff if she tells him stuff too. He’s such a teenage girl. So far, she’s told him that she hates Mike and that she thinks he should split Cam and Andrew up.
Ezra laughs when she suggests it, then wipes his forehead with his top. He’s stupidly ripped under his shirt, but she expected as much. “Man, Mal said something ridiculous the other day,” he says.
“About?” Jasmine asks, panting. She might die. Lani wheels on the other side with glee. Lani would miss her if she died; she’s sure of it.
“Like a PR relationship,” he says, as he gets ready to serve. “I’m not into it seriously, but if I knew they were getting something out of it, I guess I could entertain the idea.” He hits it, and Marcel is quick to hit it back. They get a solid rally of eight in before Lani hits them with a trickshot.
“Fuck,” Ezra says, as he dives for it. He’s too slow, and his knees squeak as he slides against the ground.
“Swear jar!” Lani shouts, with a spin.
Ezra sighs, lying on the ground. Jasmine thinks maybe he’s doing it for show, because Lani laughs every time.
“Do you think it would get you thinking about someone else enough to actually date someone else?” Jasmine asks. Jasmine can’t remember if Ezra ever specifically told her he was in love with Cam, or if it’s just obvious.
Ezra jumps up. “It’s been years, and I’ve never gotten over her. She’s the love of my life. I don’t know how to be with anyone else. I’ve never even been with her.”
“Do you want to get over her?”
His serve again. “Nah,” he replies, as he hits the shuttlecock. He’s given up his pretence of not taking this seriously. He might owe Lani a trip to the aquarium. “But I am lonely. I can wait, but maybe dating while I wait wouldn’t be awful.”
Jasmine hits a nice backhand, and Lani shouts that she did well. Jasmine smiles, wiping her forehead before she asks Ezra, “What if Cam doesn’t end up with you?” It feels wrong coming out of her throat.
Ezra smiles, looking at the ground as he lines up for Marcel’s serve. “It’s going to be me.”
Jasmine smiles. Yeah, it’s going to end with Ezra and Cam.
Jasmine’s not lonely anymore, but she craves a different kind of relationship. Ezra is her friend. She can tell him about that, right? He needn’t know she wants it to be Frankie.
“Do you like Frank?” he asks, and Jasmine fumbles the overhead and trips to the ground. Ezra doesn’t help her up because he’s rude and she laughed at him when he fell five minutes ago. Jasmine holds her hand up for a pause, and the kids go and get water.
