Page 227 of Scorched Earth
“It’s Lydia you need to talk to about this,” he said. “Not me.”
They reached Seldrid’s ballroom, the guards outside the doors saluting Killian on his approach, quietly opening one of the twin doors to allow them inside. At the center of the room was a large table littered with what looked like maps. It was surrounded by people. Seldrid she recognized immediately thanks to his brilliant blue and gold coat, but Malahi took her longer. The young woman was much changed by her imprisonment, only Bait’s forewarning allowing Teriana to see past the scars and short hair to the girl she’d once known. A good-looking young man with golden brown skin and dark hair was banging his fist down on a map and gesturing wildlywith his free hand. His ire was directed at the tall woman who sat in a chair with her back to the door.
If not for knowing that Dareena was on the front lines, that was who Teriana would have thought it was, with her midnight hair twisted up into complicated knots, the base of her skull shaved to reveal a black falcon tattoo on the back of her skull. She wore a coat and trousers, riding boots that rose to her knees, and a knife belted at her waist.
But Lydia was her sister, and Teriana would have known her anywhere.
84TERIANA
Killian caught hold of Teriana’s arm to hold her in place by the door, then approached the table, his hand coming to rest on the back of Lydia’s neck in a familiar way that confirmed what Bait had told her about their relationship. Teriana bit the insides of her cheeks to contain the swell of emotion, for a better match for Lydia she couldn’t have named.
And this was possibly the last time she’d see them both, because once Lydia knew what she’d done… It was not forgivable.
Killian bent his head to murmur in Lydia’s ear. Lydia stiffened, then turned, her green eyes locking with Teriana’s. In a blur of inhuman speed, Lydia was on her feet and across the room, nearly knocking Teriana over as she flung her arms around her.
“Oh gods, you’re here. You’re all right. You’re here.”
Teriana couldn’t breathe, the band of emotion around her chest even tighter than Lydia’s grip, but she closed her arms around her friend’s slender back. Beyond, the others at the table were watching, eyes curious.
Lydia released her grip, then clasped Teriana by the sides of her face, green eyes liquid with tears. “Where have you been? We heard that you’d liberated your people from Cassius, but then nothing.Nothing.”
“I was in Revat.”
Lydia went still. “Why?”
Teriana’s chin quivered, grief and guilt andshamedeep as the sea trying to drown her. “To try to convince Marcus to stop this war. He wouldn’t listen. He…” She sucked in a ragged breath. “I’m sure you’ve heard what I did. I’m so sorry, Lydia. I swear on the Six that I didn’t know he’d hurt you—not until Bait told me. You have every right to hate me, but please know that I’d never have let him touch me if I’d known the truth.”
The garbled words stole all the fight she had left in her, and Teriana dropped to her knees, sobs strangling her. “I would never hurt you on purpose, Lydia, but I know this is the ultimate betrayal, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness because Gamdesh has fallen to the Empire and it’s all my fault.”
Silence stretched, so long and awful that Teriana wished the ground would swallow her whole.
Then Lydia was on her knees, holding her tight. “There is nothing to forgive.”
“I fell in the love with the man who murdered you.”
Lydia’s lips pressed against her forehead. “But I’m not dead. I ended up exactly where I needed to be, as did you. As we are now.”
“I gave him everything he needed to conquer Reath.”
“Marcus already had everything he needed to do that.” Lydia sat back, eyes thoughtful as she rubbed a hand over the shaved portion of her scalp. “We have all done things we regret. I have done things I regret.”
“Hegeria marked you. You’ve been saving lives, whereas I’ve been destroying them.”
Lydia was quiet for a long moment, then she said, “The past cannot be undone, so what matters is what we do in this moment and all the moments to come.”
Instead of making her feel better, Lydia’s words made Teriana feel worse because she didn’t deserve forgiveness. “Don’t absolve me.” It was hard to get the words out because they kept catching on tears. “Not until you’ve heard everything, because it’s far worse than you think.”
Lydia sighed. “Don’t put me on a pedestal untilyou’veheard everything, because it’s far worse than you can imagine.”
Something in her friend’s voice caused Teriana to lift her head and meet Lydia’s eyes, her skin prickling as she remembered how quickly Lydia had moved. With a preternatural swiftness that was reserved only for Tremon’s marked.
And… and those marked by the Corrupter.
Sensing Teriana’s thoughts, as she always had, Lydia gave her a tight smile. “It’s complicated.”
“Are you all right, though?”
“I don’t think any of us are all right.”
