Page 310 of Scorched Earth
“Yes.” Her palms were like ice yet slick with sweat because she had no idea how he was going to react to seeing her. No idea howshewas going to react to seeing him, because her chest was filled with every possible emotion, all warring against each other, and Teriana had no idea which one would win. “I…”
She trailed off, words failing her. As they seemed to be failing him, because they stood staring at each other in silence, neither of them closing the distance between them.
“Why are you here?” he finally asked.
“Why are you?” Her eyes were burning, tears barely kept in check, because on a string around his neck he wore the miniature replica of theQuincensethat he’d given her. That she’d given back when she’d declared war upon him.
Exhaling, he ran a hand over his hair. “Cassius needed to be removed from power. I—”
“I know why you came back to Celendor,” she interrupted, taking a step closer to him. “Lydia told me in her message. Though she didn’t need to, because I know the reasons better than anyone. I’m asking why are you in thiscell?”
“Ah. Well, it’s because—”
“This isn’t right!” She took two more quick steps. “You saved them from Cassius. If you hadn’t come back, they’d still be suffering under his tyranny, and they put you in prison for it?”
“It’s because—”
“And even if they do insist on this lunacy, why aren’t you letting Felix get you out of here?” Another step. “Why won’t you escape? Why did you plead guilty?”
“Because—”
“They’re going to execute you. In the Forum.” Another step. “At the same time as Cassius, like… like you’re the same as him.”
They were within arm’s reach of each other. It felt too close. Too far. A tear rolled down her cheek, and Teriana brushed it away.
“Are you going to let me answer?” Marcus asked, grey-blue eyes filled with a mixture of humor and sadness that nearly undid her.
“No,” she whispered. “Because I know that you’re going to give me a reason I can’t argue against.”
He didn’t reply, and Teriana found she couldn’t meet his gaze, so instead she stared at his chest. Watched the 37 rise and fall with steady breath.
“Teriana, one of the crimes they’re going to execute me for is trying to murder Lydia.”
“I know.” She balled her hands into fists, knowing that there was no justifying her hypocrisy. What he’d done to Lydia, and the subsequent lies that he’d told, had been one of the biggest hurts she’d ever endured. Part of her had hated him for it. Had wanted to put a knife through his heart for it. But this? The Empire meting out his punishment? That was not the ending she’d sought, and every part of her soul railed against this outcome. “This isn’t what I wanted.”
Marcus reached up and brushed away one of her tears. “I’m sorry,Teriana. What I did to her was unforgivable, but what I regret most is deceiving you, because there was no motive in it beyond me not wanting to face your hate. It was selfish and cowardly, and you deserved better from me. And what came after…”
“That was the Corrupter.”
“It wasn’t. It was me.”
Teriana gave a sharp shake of her head. “You were not yourself when we met in Revat, Marcus. The Seventh God was there controlling you.”
“There, yes, but not controlling.” His eyes went distant, remembering. “After you left, I didn’t want to feel because it hurt too much, and he made that possible. Allowed me to wall up the part of myself that cared, which left the other part unchecked. The villain. And every time the part that cared tried to pull down those walls, I’d have to feel the hurt, and the walls would rise up higher than before. He didn’t make me do anything, only gave strength to the parts of me that served him best.”
The eerie similarities to what Lydia had told her silenced Teriana’s argument that the Corrupter was to blame.
“That’s why I’m here. Not just to be punished for all the things I’ve done, but because the capacity to do the same or worse again is still in me. A part that whispers,why shouldn’t I order Felix to let me out of this cell? Why shouldn’t I take back command? Why shouldn’t I overthrow all those men who rule from their hill, because I’d rule the Empire better than they ever could.
Her skin chilled. “Marcus…”
“I’ve spent all my life thinking that I was powerless, but now I know that’s not the case, and I am afraid of what I might do with that knowledge.”
She understood what he was saying, but it still felt like conceding. Like giving up. “Then leave with me. You and I, we’ll go somewhere together. An island in the middle of nowhere. Just not this.”
Marcus turned away from her, going back to the window, silent for a long time before he said, “When we stood on the banks of the Savio and you asked me to leave with you, I… I was going to say yes.”
Her chest tightened to the point she could barely breathe. “You never told me that.”
