Page 54 of Silver Lining
Philadelphia had lost the man she loved, and she had lost him when she needed him most, while carrying his baby. She'd been forced to marry a man not of her choosing, and the wrong man would raise her child. For the rest of her life, she would be the target of gossip and whispers. And all of this had happened because a woman she didn't know and had never met wanted a child of her own.
Since Philadelphia refused to go to Louise, Livvy scowled and urgently beckoned Louise forward.
Louise would rather have stepped off a cliff.
But the moment had to come, she knew that. Inevitably she and Philadelphia had to meet. They were both part of the McCord family. It would be impossible to avoid each other.
Reluctantly and filled with dread, she pushed dragging feet toward the group at the side of the house.
She had almost reached Livvy and Philadelphia when she realized she was still clenching one of the butter dishes and her thumb was firmly imbedded in the butter. She threw Max a despairing glance over the top of Philadelphia 's hat, but he was no help. He and Wally were both staring blankly at Sunshine and the rock she showed them. Both held their faces carefully expressionless.
Livvy introduced Louise and Philadelphia and prattled on to say that three Mrs. McCords were too confusing, therefore they would immediately jump to the intimacy of using first names. Then Livvy took Gilly's arm and moved toward her sons, leaving Louise and Philadelphia alone together.
Louise spun out a string of silent cuss words and wished she were anywhere but here, wished there was some place to put down the damned butter dish. She drew a breath and released it slowly, then she did the right thing. All her life she'd tried to do the right thing, which usually meant doing the hard thing.
"I know it doesn't help, and it doesn't change anything, but I'm truly sorry that I set in motion all the bad things that have happened to you. I never meant to hurt you or anyone."
Philadelphia 's eyes glittered like shards of glass. "I know all about you,Low Down." She spat Louise's name and made it sound like an insult. "You immoral piece of garbage! You didn't care which man drew the marble; you would have slept with any of them! You're an affront to decent women. You're not fit for respectable company!"
All right, she'd known this meeting would not be congenial. Philadelphia had every reason to despise her, and no reason at all to be cordial or forgiving. But Louise had always assumed that genuine ladies conducted themselves as Mrs. Halston had. Cold and distant with no flash of emotion, as if true ladies floated above the crass passions of inferior persons. In the true-lady world, an icy invisible barrier kept the riff raff at bay. Thus shielded, a true lady conducted herself with scathing politeness no matter the circumstances. This was Louise's uninformed opinion, and Livvy McCord's conduct had seemed to bear it out.
Louise didn't think grand ladies spoke as Philadelphia just had. And she didn't think grand ladies got themselves pregnant before marriage, no matter how sick in love they were. People with backgrounds like Louise's thumbed their noses at convention, but ladies and gents were the ones who set the conventions and followed them to the letter. Or maybe she just wanted to find something about Philadelphia to criticize.
She moved her thumb in the butter. "I don't know what to say."
"Say nothing! Don't speak to me. Stay out of my sight!" Spinning from Louise, she called to Livvy.
"Mother McCord, might I be shown to my room? Our journey was tiring and," she spread her hands and darted a quick glance at Max, "and our homecoming upsetting. I'd like to lie down if I may."
"Of course. Your room is ready." Linking arms with Wally and Philadelphia , Livvy walked them toward the front porch with Sunshine right behind. Gilly looked back and forth from Max to Louise, then excused herself and hurried back to the kitchen.
Max watched Philadelphia walk away. Maybe he studied the single brave feather quivering on her hat, or maybe he watched the sway of her stylishly draped bustle. All Louise knew for certain was that he seemed unaware of his own wife who stood in front of him with her hair a mess, a stain on her shirtwaist, and her thumb in the butter.
"Are you all right?" Louise asked in a low voice. It had to hurt to see the woman he wanted walking off to inspect a room she would share with another man.
Max looked at her without a flicker of recognition. When his vision cleared and his gaze sharpened, he swore, then pulled off his hat and raked his fingers through his hair. "How's everything out at the place?
Did you have any problems?"
"Of course not. Everything is right as rain."
Dust had collected in the creases on his forehead and fanning from his eyes. Louise experienced an absurd urge to stand close to him and wipe the dust away with her fingers. She wanted to press her nose against his throat and inhale the scents of horseflesh and cattle and man sweat. Wanted to touch him and shake him and say, Look at me. Please look at me.
"You have your thumb in the butter," he said suddenly.
"I know. Will you be home tonight? Or will you stay here with the boys?"
If he hesitated, she didn't notice. "I'll be home after supper," he answered, looking at the butter dish and her buried thumb. Then he muttered something about washing up and walked away from her. She watched him go as he had watched Philadelphia , with loss and longing in her eyes.
*
The dark, sweet scent of whiskey reeled through her senses even before she entered the shadowy kitchen. Seeing Max's deeper shadow at the table, she walked past him to fetch her shawl from the mudroom, then went to the shelves near the sink. Enough moonlight filtered through the frost on the window glass that she had no difficulty finding a glass to take to the table.
"There's no reason for you to be up," he said when she reached for the bottle and poured herself a drink.
"I know." The whiskey scalded the back of her tongue, flowed toward her stomach like liquid fire.
Raising her knees, she propped her bare feet on the edge of the chair and tucked her nightgown in around them. "I hope it doesn't snow before the rest of the herd comes in and the branding is finished.
