Page 30 of Murder in Calusa Cove
“What are you so deep in thought about?” Keaton pushed a fresh beer across the counter.
Hayes glanced up, unaware that Fletcher and Dawson had rejoined the girls. He wasn’t even sure of how much time had passed. Him and his damned quiet introspection. He often got lost inside the labyrinth of his own thoughts. The twisty road into the past. This was a road he rarely traveled. It was dark, sad…depressing even.
The reality was that he had no idea how much of what swirled around in his heart and mind was true, or whether it was emotions that a six-year-old boy had latched onto like a rocket and had never let go of. Never spoken of. Never dealt with. It’s not like he’d dared ask his folks. In contrast, it was okay to question faith, God, and Doctrine. Their church wanted independent thinkers, to a certain extent, as long as outside influences, such as the devil, didn’t affect them. They wanted their followers to understand, because understanding meant a stronger faith.
But a child didn’t question authority. He didn’t question the presence of God. Nor did he question when God spoke through action. Hayes never saw his brother’s death as an act of God. His faith had ended there.
“Nothing much,” Hayes said, forcing himself to the present. To his chosen family. To Chloe. The woman who’d dragged him from the muck and flipped his world on its ass, and he didn’t understand it and right now he questioned why he welcomed it. Being alone gave him the freedom not to care too deeply. Not to tangle the blood pumping through his veins with a connection to another heartbeat.
The men on his team never asked him to do that. He could be close…but not that close. He would walk into battle for those men, he’d die for them, because they mattered. But Hayes was always just one arm’s length away, and those men had always called him on it. Once, they had even compared him to Ken.
That had hurt, but it had been true.
“Bullshit.” Keaton tapped his fingers on the wooden top. “You’ve been staring at nothing for over fifteen minutes. I’ve seen you do this before, and I have no idea where you go or what you’re thinking about, but you get this sadness in your eyes. Then they go blank, like there’s nothing there. When you come back, you snap into your happy-go-lucky self, as if the weight of something isn’t sitting on your shoulders, only we all know it’s there.”
“I was just thinking about you, Dawson, and the wedding. It’s hard to believe you’re both getting married. And you’re having a baby. Things are changing.” Hayes was good at shifting focus. He’d been good at it his entire life.
“That ain’t gonna fly, man. Not with me.” Keaton arched a brow. “Now spill whatever’s got your wheels spinning a million miles an hour.”
Hayes swigged his beer, letting the bubbles settle in his throat. “This murder and Chloe having a twin who was killed has me contemplating life, and we both know where that sends me.”
“It sends you down a path where you’re thinking about Max for a while,” Keaton said somberly. “Or Betsy and Fedora. Or maybe those two girls you told us about two months ago.”
“All of it,” Hayes admitted. As much as he wanted to skirt this topic, he opted to be real, for a change. “But I’m also worried about Chloe. She lost a twin. I know what that does to a person. She’s spent her adult life chasing ghosts. It’s chipped away at her, and now she’s got a lead, but she’s not in the driver’s seat. Buddy’s giving her a lot of leeway, but she’s putting a hole in my floorboards with her pacing. Sitting on the sidelines is making that woman crazy.”
“This bastard murdered her sister. How would it make you feel?” Keaton tilted his beer and lowered his chin.
“It’s got me crazy enough that I did two insane things.”
“What’s that?” Keaton asked.
“The first one is that I called my parents.” Hayes chuckled. “We didn’t talk about much. It was the usual conversation. Superficial, but there was a weird struggle between my Dad and me. I know I wanted to say more, and it was like he wanted to as well.”
“You’ve been trying with them ever since we got out of the military. I know it’s hard. Years of hurt. My mom has so many regrets about not speaking to her sister before she died. You’re doing the right thing.”
Hayes nodded. “I also texted Fedora earlier, reminding her to be diligent in her safety protocols. She’s about the same age as all the girls the killer is targeting, and she and her mom live in St. Augustine these days. Not too far from where Chloe and Buddy are tracking missing women.”
“Last time you spoke about Fedora, you mentioned she had a boyfriend,” Keaton said softly, but not with an accusatory tone.
“Yeah, and she’s not the kind of girl to cheat.”
“I wasn’t going to say that.”
“I know.” Hayes nodded. “But I have to admit, it freaks me out a little just because of her age.”
“I imagine it would.” Keaton rested his hand on Hayes’s shoulder. “You cared about that young girl like she was your own flesh and blood.”
“It’s always strange when someone says that. I only dated her mom for about a year and a half, and I’m certainly not old enough to be her father, but I did feel paternal toward her.”
“You lived with Betsy,” Keaton said. “There were times we all wondered if you were falling in love with her, but you’d always pull back, always only give parts of yourself to Betsy. It was painful to watch.”
“I hurt her.”
“Are you dwelling on the past? Are you having regrets?”
Hayes shook his head. “I didn’t love her. Not like a man should. I was young, and Betsy needed something more than what I could give her.”
“You do realize that’s a copout, right?”
