Page 35 of Submitting to Them
He’s on me before I see him moving, his arms banding around my waist and shoulders, his head tilting toward mine.He kisses me hard and fast, taking more from me than I anticipated giving.As soon as I start to melt into his embrace and return the kiss, though, I remember that I’m angry with him.
I pull back and shove his chest.He doesn’t budge, of course, and merely looks amused.
With his arms still wrapped around me, he says, “Youdohave a problem, princess.What is it?”
“You said you wouldn’t share my music without my permission,” I say.
“What are you talking about?I didn’t.”
“You did.Right here, on PhotoGram.”I hold up my phone, unlock it, and show him his own damn profile, where my video rests right on top.
His hazel eyes darken.“Irepostedsomething that Pat Chrome tagged me in.Pat Chrome, from Church of Fortune?”
“Yes, I know who she is.”
“So, newsflash, everyone else is sharing it,” he says.“If you haven’t noticed, you really aren’t paying attention.”
I have noticed.It’s…strange and uncomfortable and exhilarating all at once.These are people who win awards for their music.These are the musicians pushed by music streaming services, artists who have signed with major record labels and show up at packed music venues.
And they’re paying attention to me.
But I know one of these musicians.He’s myboyfriend.And I had one request.
One.
I wanted him to not share my video.
“So?”he says.“What do you want to complain to me about, exactly?”
“You’re being a dick,” I say.
“I’m being realistic, and I’m being fair.Anyone else, who I didn’t know?I would’ve reposted the video.It’s good shit.The only reason you don’t have agents knocking down your door at this point is because everyone’s waiting to see what else you’ve got.In the meantime, you have more than enough subscribers to monetize your VideYou account, so you now have a new job, princess.Congratulations.”
I lean back on my heels.I had thought he would apologize, becauseobviouslyhe was in the wrong.Right?But now that I’m looking at it from his point of view…maybe he isn’t.
“I just didn’t want to depend on you for getting the word out about my music,” I whisper.
He cups my cheek.“You didn’t.Everyone else—freaking Pat Chrome, included—shared it first.It wasn’t me, Ella.This is all you.”
All of my righteous indignation leaves me in a whoosh of an exhale, and the fight is gone.
“I’m sorry!”I say, wrapping my arms around Sebastian.
He gives a surprised chuckle, then hugs me back.“It’s okay.I’m sorry, too.I didn’t realize it was that important to you, and I shouldn’t have shared it…although I’m having a hard time regretting it at the moment.”
“I’m being weird, I know it,” I say.“This is just so scary, and I don’t understand what’s going to happen, and what if my next song sucks and literally everyone hates it?I put my best two out first, so everything else will be a disappointment…”
“It’s normal to be freaked out.”He rubs soft circles over my back.“It’s also normal to worry about whether or not people will like your next songs.But your creativity isn’t finite, Ella.You have more in you.Also, what’s your favorite Church of Fortune song?”
I don’t even have to think about it.“‘Eyes on Me.’”
“Well, I don’t like that one very much.My favorite is ‘Letting it Rain.’”
I scrunch my nose, because I’ve never cared for that song.
“Exactly,” he says.“Different songs are popular with different people.The more you put out there, the more chances someone will find another favorite in the mix.But you get to keep creating your music, either way.”
He’s right.I know he’s right.But it’s still hard.
