Page 118 of The Matchmaker Club

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L: Goodnight, Taylor.

T: Goodnight, Lucas.

I hesitated before sending out what I typed next. I squeezed my eyes shut and hit send.

T: I love you.

He didn’t respond, and no bubbles came up on the screen.

Instead, my phone started ringing. An incoming call from Lucas. I swiped to answer.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

His voice sounded off, deeper than usual.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I’m not sure when I’ll be able to come back.”

“Oh.” A twinge of pain shot through my chest. “Is this a breakup call then?”

The pain deepened when he didn’t answer right away.

“There are too many obstacles, and it’s not fair to you.”

“That’s bullshit. I decide what’s fair for me or not. I want you to speak for yourself. Do you want to keep trying or not?”

“I can’t,” he whispered.

I closed my eyes and swallowed back the ache. “Well, that answers that.”

“Jack will be by in a few days to go over all the details about the house.”

“You convinced him to let us stay?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

We sat in silence for a few moments, and there was so much I wanted to say, but no words would come out.

“I should go,” he said.

“Okay.”

“Goodbye, Taylor.”

“Bye.”

I tossed my phone across the bed and grabbed my mother’s shoebox of tapes. I could barely see through a blur of tears, but I knew the exact tape I needed right now. Tape #3. I slipped the cassette in and pressed play. I grabbed my pillow and hugged it to my chest, letting the tears fall as the music blared through the speakers.

My door opened, and Lainey and my grandmother came in. They didn’t say a word but understood. Lainey lay down next to me on the bed and wrapped her arm around me. My grandmother sat down in front of me and stroked my hair.

There were times we all wished my mom was here.

For Taylor - Mixtape #3: When you’re wishing I was there

There will be times when you wish I were there with you. Whatever it is you’re going through, talk to me and know I’m listening. Always.

I Love You, Mom

The song I used to sing to you when you were a baby:

Side A:

In My Life - The Beatles

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