Page 99 of The Matchmaker Club
“Yeah, he’s running late. But he told me to tell you he’s sorry he couldn’t join us.” I turned away from my grandmother’s contemplative stare. “Not all that hungry, excuse me.”
Feeling guilty about throwing away so much food, I tossed my breakfast into the edge of the woods for the animals and birds to pick at. I didn’t go back inside. Instead, I flopped down on a patio chair with the plate in my hand, listening to a slight breeze sing through the trees. It was already getting humid, and I knew today would be a hot one.
“Taylor?” Austin stepped out on the patio with his hands shoved in his pockets. “Mind some company?”
“Hey.”
He sat down and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “I’m sorry about that kiss last night.”
“It’s fine.”
But it wasn’t.
“Did you feel…? What did you think?”
That it wasn’t like before. That it was part of a past I didn’t belong to anymore.
“I thought you were high.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I was that too… but I don’t regret doing it.”
A warm, thick breeze swept over my face. I closed my eyes and inhaled that familiar scent of gardenias.
“Do you regret it?” he asked.
“Austin, I’m not…” I let out a deep breath. “I don’t mind us being friends, and I forgive you for what happened in high school… but I just don’t feel that way for you anymore.”
He dipped his head and nodded. “Fair enough.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thanks for at least giving it a chance. And who knows, maybe someday down the road things will change.”
I smiled. “Maybe it will.”
He stood up and rubbed the back of his neck. “I, ah, should get going. My mother is doing some kind of potluck thing with the church today, and I’m expected to be there.”
“Good luck with that.”
He gave a sad smile. “See ya around.”
“Yeah.”
Austin left, and I got up knowing what I had to do: reply to his Matchmaker letter.
Dear Achy Breaky Heart,
First love.
There’s nothing like it. Being young, having no real responsibilities, and just embracing the moments. Everything seems larger than life or feels like a bigger deal than it actually is.
There’s nothing wrong with cherishing those memories. But if you’re looking for things to be what they once were… that, my friend, will probably never happen.
Don’t take this as a bad thing. It’s not.
The reason they can’t be the same is because you’re not that same kid who once sneaked out of your parent’s house. You’ve grown, and you will keep changing as life’s experiences help mold you throughout your journey.
And this woman you say you’re still in love with… is it really her you love, or the idea of her? Because she’s most likely not that same girl anymore either. Perhaps you really do love her, but it may be thefeelingof being in love that you miss. Or the freedom of youth. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the freedom to be yourself without all the expectations of your family, and that summer that you’re missing gave you a taste of what it could be like.
The Rolling Stones once said:You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need.
Whatever it is you’re truly looking for, I hope you find it. And remember, when you do fall in love with someone, it won’t be the past you see, but the present and the future all rolled up in one.
Always,
The Matchmaker
