Page 36 of Seasoned
“What?” he asked irritably.
“You need to tell her.”
He and Chelsea had this conversation the other night when she realized he was getting serious about Renee. He didn’t like it then and he didn’t like it now.
He started toward his room. “She’ll be fine. We’ll be back to normal soon enough.” He said the words but wasn’t so sure. He hurt Renee tonight, and this probably wouldn’t be the last time he’d hurt her.
Chelsea followed to the doorway of his room, a frown marring her face, as if she were the parent and he were the child.
“Until another incident comes up. You’re hiding very important information about yourself.”
“Women like Renee Joseph don’t go for men like me.”
“That’s not true. You and Mom were happy together. She loved you, because you’re a good man.”
“Your mother was the exception to the rule. She was one of a kind.”
“So no other woman could meet your standards?”
Clive laughed. “You’ve completely missed the mark.Idon’t meettheirstandards. After the event tonight, I listened to Renee and the author and some other people talking. Discussing book themes and tie-ins with other books that I’ve never read—never even heard of! I couldn’t contribute a single sentence to the conversation.”
His only contribution was laughing when they laughed and an occasional head nod, pretending to understand what they were talking about, the whole time wishing for an escape. Wishing he and Renee could drive away and he’d be back at her house watching television, a less stressful situation.
How could a woman like her possibly be happy with him? What did he have to offer? He’d simply embarrass her or make her friends uncomfortable. They’d have to dumb down their conversations for him.
“Dad, whatever your differences, you guys are great together, and pushing her away without an explanation is wrong.”
“I didn’t push her away. We had a fight.”
“You and I both know you didn’t only have a fight.”
His jaw hardened in annoyance. His daughter knew him way too well. “Go to bed, Chelsea.”
“Dad—”
“Go to bed, Chelsea,” he said in a firmer tone of voice. “Clearly you’ve forgotten, you’re the child, I’m the parent.”
“You’ll always be miserable unless you’re honest with your partners—whether it’s Renee or someone else in the future. Mom wasn’t the only one who could love you, and what you’ve done to Renee is unfair.” She stomped away in a huff.
Clive waited in silence for a while before he closed the door and then sank onto the bed. He buried his face in his hands. The frustration overwhelming, weighing him down.
“Dammit, Renee.”
He already missed her, but how could he tell her the secret he’d kept for most of his life?
How could he tell her that he couldn’t read?
“Boy, did you fuck up,”Jayson muttered.
Fishing with Clive at Cesar Chavez Park Pier, he spoke softly because Margie stood nearby with her own rod and reel.
Clive knew Jayson would give him the unvarnished truth and he needed the verbal flogging because the mental flogging he’d given himself hadn’t been nearly enough.
Jayson leaned closer and whispered, “Please tell me how you got here. You told me you were falling in love with Renee. So how in the world did you go from falling in love and spending so much time together to not speaking for days? You know what you have to do.”
The thought of taking the additional step of being completely honest with Renee made Clive’s abdominal muscles clench.
“You’re a fighter, Clive. I’ve known you for over twenty-five years, and I’ve never known you to give up on anything.”
