Page 40 of Without You
He released her, giving her the option to go or stay.
Charisse called herself every kind of fool, but she chose to stay.
She removed her shoes and sat on the edge of the bed. She called her son and told him where she was and that she’d see them in the morning. Then she and Terrence slid under the covers. He pulled her close, holding her tight from behind. He threw a leg over both of hers. He said she could leave when he fell asleep, but he was sure making it hard.
He pressed his nose to the back of her neck and breathed deeply, as if saving and filing away her scent for a later date.
“I have something to tell you,” he said softly.
“Okay,” she replied warily, tension entering her body.
“I don’t want you to interrupt or say anything, even after I finish. Just listen. I need to say this for me. Okay?”
Tears filled her eyes, and she blinked them away rapidly. Whatever he was about to say would change their relationship forever. “Okay.”
Terrence took a deep breath and let it out through his mouth, and warm air brushed the back of her neck.
“I understand why you didn’t believe that I loved you, but in all these years, I thought you knew that I did. If there was one thing that was true during our marriage, it’s that I loved you—even though my actions didn’t reflect it. I still love you, and I miss you. I miss you more than you know. And I’m sorry for all the shit I’ve done over the years. For tonight, too. You shouldn’t have to come pick me up at the police station.
“I’m sorry for the way I treated you and disrespected you. I’m sorry for destroying what we had as a couple. Sorry for destroying our family and for hurting you and embarrassing you. I’m sorry for everything. Your mother told me you were too good for me, and she was right.
“I want you back, but the truth is, you were right to turn me down. You’re a good woman, Charisse, and you put up with a whole lot of my bad behavior. I was listening to something—a song tonight, and it hit me hard. That’s what drove me to drink. I realized that I don’t deserve you. I want you to know that I get it, sweetheart. I understand why you said no—why you couldn’t try again. But you’ll always have my heart. Always, whether you want it or not.”
He kissed the back of her neck and spread his fingers over her belly. Within minutes, he was snoring, but she couldn’t sleep.
She stayed awake for hours, thinking about what he said.
18
Charisse finished splashing water on her face and walked out of the bathroom. She’d stayed with Terrence until morning broke and left him sleeping in the bed a few minutes ago. She finger-combed her hair, which didn’t look too bad considering how she slept last night.
She walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. The shelves were stocked with a variety of food and drinks, including a couple of covered dishes that looked like leftovers from chef-prepared meals.
She could cook a quick breakfast for them, but she needed tomato juice and hot sauce for her hangover drink. She took Terrence’s keycards off the side table where she tossed them last night and exited the condo. The market in the building was already open, and she purchased the ingredients she needed.
When she returned upstairs, she checked in on Terrence, who remained sprawled on his stomach in the bed. She watched him for a moment. After what he said last night, maybe they could go back to the friendship they shared before everything fell apart. How the new baby would influence their relationship going forward, she wasn’t sure. She was sure, however, that she missed him.
She set up the ingredients on the counter in the kitchen and took the blender from the cabinet. She chopped celery and dropped the pieces into the jar. She poured in tomato juice, hot sauce, and added the other ingredients. Terrence always complained about her hangover recipe, but back in the day when they partied together, the drink always made them feel better the morning after.
She blended the ingredients, did a quick taste test, and satisfied, set the blender aside. Time for breakfast. She was in the mood for an omelette, and Terrence had a couple of mangoes she could slice and add to the side. Before she started, she wanted to play some music. She went over to the sofa and picked up the remote, which looked like a giant keyboard that could be used to control a space ship.
Terrence and his gadgets. This thing was so complicated. Which one controlled the music again?
She walked back to the kitchen, pressing buttons as she went. The TV came on and off. Then the blinds opened and closed.
“Maybe you won’t hear any music today,” she murmured to herself.
She stood next to one of the bar stools and pushed another button. A song came on with a slow, easy beat. Then Terrence’s voice rapped over the beat. She’d never heard this song before. It must be something new he was working on. He sometimes asked the engineer to send him the music to listen to when he was working on an album.Was the whole album on here?she wondered.
She walked around the counter and went back to chopping onions when one line in the song stopped her cold.
What’s my life without you, sweetheart?
Sweetheart? That was Terrence’s word for her. She stared at the controller, as if to make it answer for the music coming through the speakers. She dropped the knife to the cutting board and listened to his deep voice make love to the track with his words.
I ain’t got nothing without you
Enough ain’t enough without you
