Page 19 of The Friend Zone
“I love children…”
“But?” Sheldon prompted with a furrowed brow.
“I’ve thought long and hard about this and decided I don’t want to have children of my own. Ever.”
His eyebrows shot higher in surprise. “I didn’t expect that answer.”
“Most people don’t. They look at someone like me, who’s only thirty-one years old, and are certain I would want to have kids. Everyone wants them, right? The thing is, I feel like I’ve already raised some kids, and I don’t want any more.”
He sat forward and leaned on his forearms. “You know you have to explain, right?”
Dana nodded. “When I was eleven years old, my younger brother and sister—fraternal twins, were born. I have two older brothers, the closest one in age to me is three years older. As the only girl, my parents expected me to take over the responsibility of watching my younger siblings because they worked a lot, and those expectations continued all the way through getting my masters and graduating from college.”
“And you got your masters at twenty-one, correct?”
“Correct.” Dana took college classes while in high school, so by the time she graduated, she was essentially a sophomore in college.
“Why English?”
“Reading was an escape for me when I was a child, and I fell in love with story-telling, and sentence structure, and words, and how they convey emotions. Once I became responsible for my younger siblings, it became more important. On the weekends, I took them to the library with me. We walked half a mile and caught two buses each way, but I needed my books. I still read everything I can get my hands on,” she added with a laugh.
“I came late to reading for leisure. I did the necessary reading for school, but sports were the most important thing in my household, and I was never very good at them. My younger brother… well, he was a star athlete and got all the attention.”
Bitterness crept into his voice. Dana wanted to delve deeper, but he continued talking.
“Anyway, I sort of stumbled into reading. I was at a friend’s house, and his son left one of the books assigned by his teacher on the table—Their Eyes Were Watching Godby Zora Neale Hurston. Changed my life. Ever since then, I’ve been on a bender to get my hands on as many Black lit books from that era I can. But enough about me. Please, continue. What happened after you received your masters?” He lifted the beer mug to his lips.
“As soon as the diploma was in my hand, I packed up my belongings and moved to Atlanta. It was a drastic decision, and one I didn’t take lightly. But I needed to leave because for ten years, my life wasn’t my own. Even when I was in school and needed to study for exams, my parents expected me to take care of Tommy and Theresa, my younger brother and sister. When I finally left home, my parents were not pleased. To this day I think they resent me for leaving, but I didn’t have a choice.”
She got away, escaped. Meanwhile, they remained in the same neighborhood and the same apartment complex she lived in as a child, their lives frozen in time.
Dana took a deep breath and released it. “As far as I’m concerned, I was a mom for ten years. I love my younger brother and sister to death, and we’re very close to this day, but my relationship with my parents is not so great. I will say, being a surrogate mother taught me a lot but also drained me.”
“And that’s why you don’t want kids of your own.”
“Exactly.”
“What if you met a man with children?”
“Do you have children?”
“No, but I’m curious to know how you’d handle such a situation.”
“If I met a man with kids, I would become a stepmother and help him raise his children. As for wanting to start a family of my own or having kids with someone I marry, that’s not going to happen.”
He fell silent, and she wondered if her choice was a deal breaker for him. She would completely understand because anyone who expected her to have children would learn real quick they were a deal breaker for her.
When she thought about being with someone with children, she always thought about Omar and his son Prince. Though she didn’t want children of her own, being a stepmother to Prince was not an issue, mostly because he was Omar’s son.
But why bother thinking in those terms? She and Omar were never going to be a couple.
“I was never forced to take care of my younger brother, so I don’t know what you went through, but from what you’ve told me, I’m not surprised the experience influenced your decision. Thank you for your honesty,” Sheldon said.
“Did my answer change how you feel about me? About us?” She became a bit apprehensive because she did like Sheldon. She didn’t know why he was different compared to her most recent relationships. Maybe she needed to believe he was different, and all the others failed because they weren’t right for her. Or maybe, if she looked deeply enough, she’d discover she simply longed to be with someone who finally made her stop pining for Omar.
He looked thoughtful for a moment and then shook his head. “No. What you said doesn’t change my opinion about you.”
“And you’re not thinking you can change my mind, are you? I’ve run across men who believe too much in their persuasive powers.”
