Page 14 of Pretend to be Mine
Savannah
“So, why is all this so important? Why didn’t you just tell your parents about the break-up?” Ben asks as I set down a photo album between us.
I wet my lips and try to figure out how to explain this, so it’ll make sense. “My parents really loved James. They’ve always had it in their heads that they wanted me to meet the right man, get married, settle down, and have children. And when they say, ‘the right man,’ they mean a man with a good job who makes whattheyconsider to be enough to support me and our family. They wanted the best life for me. So, I met James, andtheyfell in love. He was a lawyer who had his own firm with plans of expanding and branching out all over the country. My dad loved that. They would get together at every family function to talk about business. It got to a point where I was sure they loved him more than me! So when we broke up, I needed to move on. I figured I’d tell them when things started to turn around for me, when I wasn’t angry and depressed. But it was just too easy to keep the lie going.”
I take a deep breath. “I didn’t want to ruin the image they had of him. You know, the good, hard working guy that they’d gotten to know and love. Not to mention, I was kind of embarrassed about the whole thing. It was like admitting that I wasn’t good enough, that I couldn’t please him or something. I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t hold on to my man.”
Ben shakes his head. “I don’t think it has anything to do with you at all. It does, however, speak volumes about him.”
I nod. “I know that now. But I should’ve told them sooner. I can’t tell them at the party. It’s supposed to be Dad’s big night. I don’t want all the attention on me and my failed relationship.”
He must feel sorry for me because instead of saying anything, he just flips open the photo album and points to a picture. “Who’s this?”
I’m happy with the subject change, so I smile and answer, “That’s my grandpa and grandma, my mom’s parents. They’ve both passed, though, so you won’t be seeing them.” I point to a different picture. “This is my mother and father, Beth and Richard. And these are my father’s parents. His mother passed when I was a baby; his father is still alive, but he’s in assisted living, so you won’t see him either.”
I flip to the second page. “This is me as a baby! Wasn’t I adorable?”
Ben smiles. “Just like a doll.”
I flip a few more pages, skipping over the baby years.
“Wait a minute. Is that you hiding in a cabinet?”
I laugh. “I was a weird kid. It was my favorite place to hide.”
“What do you mean? What were you like as a child?”
I laugh. “I was weird,” I repeat. “I was an only child. My father worked all of the time and my mother was a wife first, mom second. I spent a lot of time alone, so I had imaginary friends I played with. I didn’t really have any real friends until I started school, so that was a big adjustment, learning to play with other kids rather than playing on my own. But I eventually caught on and was at leastmostlynormal by junior high. I made friend easily. I was a cheerleader. I played tennis, but my mother refused to let me be athletic, so I took foreign language and music classes outside of school.”
“Wow, so you were groomed for the high life.”
I laugh. “I can speak French and Spanish and I can play the piano, violin, and the harp. Not to mention I can still kick your ass in tennis.”
Ben holds up his hands. “I believe you.”
“I stayed busy throughout high school with all the extra stuff I was doing so I never had any serious boyfriends. I didn’t really start to date until I was out of my parent’s house and in college.”
“Really?” he asks with wide eyes.
“Yes, why are you so surprised?”
He shrugs. “I mean, I know we’re friends, but I’m not blind. You’re beautiful. I just find it hard to believe that boys weren’t lining around the block for you.”
I laugh and feel my cheeks warm. “I didn’t say they didn’t try, I just said that I didn’t indulge.”
“Ohhh,” Ben says, nodding his head once. “So…tell me about your first time.”
My back stiffens. “Like…myfirst timefirst time?” I feel embarrassed and have to divert my eyes. “Only if you’ll tell me about yours.”
“Alright,” he agrees.
“It was the end of my freshmen year at college,” I start. “I had been dating this guy for most of the year. We both kind of knew that with summer coming, it was probably the end for us. We never spoke about it or made the decision together, but we both knew what it was coming to. So it was the night before everyone was packing up to go home and he asked me to go out to dinner as our last date kind of thing. I agreed and we went out to a local place. He was older, so he bought us both drinks. We laughed, danced, had a good time. Then we got back in the car. He was heading for my dorm, but I told him to take me back to his place. He had an apartment off campus. So…he did. He took me to his bedroom, and it was perfect. He was gentle and sweet, and I couldn’t have had a better first time. Then in the morning, he drove me back to the dorms. We shared a sweet goodbye kiss and I got out. I never saw him again.”
“Wow.”
“I know. Pretty lame, huh?”
He shakes his head. “No, not at all. That’s good you got that memory. Mine isn’t so…memorable.”
