Page 17 of Pretend to be Mine
“Trust me,” she says and her eyes shine.
I roll my eyes but move my hand away. Savannah dunks her fry and then pops it into her mouth, making a show out of how good it is by moaning. My body comes alive, but I ignore it and follow suit. I pick up a fry and dip it into the shake. Hesitantly, I put the fry in my mouth. To my surprise, it’s pretty damn good.
“See?” she says around a smile.
I shrug and nod my head. “Alright, you win.”
We sit and finish our food. I’m done long before she is because I didn’t order a sundae as a dessert. I sit and wait for her to finish and the conversation never lags. When she’s done and we’re heading for the car, Savannah suggests a walk. I figure it wouldn’t hurt to get in a little exercise after all the deep-fried food, so I agree, and she leads me down the sidewalk that lines Main Street.
It’s after seven now, and all the little shops are starting to close up, but the weather is nice, and all the shops have potted plants out front. It smells sweet as we walk.
“So, in the spirit of getting to know one another, where do you see yourself in ten years or so?”
I look over at Savannah, who’s walking casually along beside me. Her hair is blowing in the breeze and she’s wearing that sweet smile that seems to almost always be on her face.
I shrug at her question. “This is probably it for me. I mean, I’ll keep working at the hospital and living life. Getting all the milestones isn’t on my agenda. All I can ask for is that I’m happy.”
She gives me a sidelong look, so I say, “What?”
She shrugs. “I mean, that’s great for now, but don’t you ever hope to settle down again, maybe even start a family?”
“I’ve always wanted a family. That’s where I thought I was heading with my fiancée, but things just didn’t work out that way. I don’t see how it can fit into my future now.”
“There’s always hope of finding that special someone, right? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for a relationship either, but I like to think that if the right guy comes along, I will recognize it and seize the opportunity.”
“Yeah, I don’t know. It’s so hard to figure out where I’ll be tomorrow, let alone in ten years.”
Savannah offers up her smile. “It’ll get better. These things have a way of working themselves out.”
“Well, what about you? What do you want?”
“Me?” she asks, raising her shoulders and slowly letting them fall. “I want it all. I want love, kids, happily ever after…all of it.”
I return her smile. “I’m sure you’ll get it then. You’re great. Someone will scoop you up sooner rather than later.”
She laughs. “Well, there’s no rush.”
We walk down Main Street and back up, enjoying the flowers, the strands of lights tied up above the road, and watching the sunset and the night grow dark around us. When we make it back to where we started, we climb into the car and start the drive home.
The ride back is quiet. It’s like we’re both lost in our own thoughts. I keep thinking about her question and wonder why she even bothered to ask it…unless, of course, it’s for this fake dating thing we’re trying to pull off. Things with us have been growing and changing rapidly, and I’m not really sure how to feel about it. If I don’t stop myself from enjoying her company, it feels easy and fun. But if I think about all the things I’ve lost and how I don’t want it with anyone else, it feels like it seizes my heart in my chest.
I like Savannah, I’m just confused by these feelings I’m having for her. I never thought I’d feel this way again, like I’m on the verge of something great. I remember feeling that way with Tracy when we first met. Everything was new and exciting. Am I already falling for Savannah? Can it happen that fast? Or maybe being with her just reminds me of what I used to have. Maybe I’ve been alone so long that I’m just looking for a connection anywhere I can get it.
Savannah pulls the car into the drive and shuts it off. We both climb out and I walk around to her side toward my house. “Well, thanks for dinner.”
She smiles as she steps up to me. “Anytime. What should we do next?”
I slide my hands into my pockets and think it over. “I’d really like to check out the baseball games you were telling me about.”
“Okay, cool. I’ll check tomorrow and see where they’re playing this weekend.”
“Great, let me know.”
She nods. “I will.”
“Okay. Well, I guess…good night, Savannah.”
She looks up at me and our eyes lock. “Good night, Ben.”
I can feel the pull between us, and when she wets her lips I almost close the distance. I lean in the tiniest bit and so does she. The air grows thick. It feels like every hair on my body is standing on end. At the last second, she steps around me and heads for the house and I push myself forward, walking home without looking back.
