Page 93 of Love and the Laws of Motion
“About you leaving before dessert was even served.Because that’s what you did, right?”
“What are you talking about?”
“They just got you back and now you’re leaving again.”It was easier, asking about his family’s feelings than asking about hers.She wasn’t supposed to have any feelings for him.It had been the deal from the start.She’d foolishly begun to think maybe she could, maybe it would be safe to love him, but it wasn’t.It never had been.Oh, how it sucked that it was too late now, and she did.She’d been side-stepping these emotions for weeks, but now she’d tripped right over them and face-planted.She’d gone and fallen in love with him.The one thing she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do.
“Liv, it’s no big deal.Look, why don’t you come with me?”
She startled.“What?”
“Throw some shit in a bag and let’s go.Come on, the flight leaves in an hour.”
“You’re...it’s...I can’t justleave.”
“Why not?”
“I have to teach next Tuesday.I have research.We’re in the middle of ourproject.”
He scoffed.“Of course you can’t leave.Figures.”
“Don’t you care aboutanything?It’sThanksgiving.We’ve still got a house full of guests.You might feel fine running out on your family, but I can’t do that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You think I don’t know what’s going on here?You’re running away again.”
“What?”
“It’s not just some job.Running away is easier than staying and fixing things, isn’t it?”
He took a step toward her, eyes flashing with anger.“Don’t start telling me what I’m thinking and feeling, Livie.You don’t understand.”
“Don’t I?One afternoon with them and you’re hopping a plane, going backward, not forward.It’s because you’re scared.You’d rather go back to hiding from them instead of fixing everything that went wrong.”
“Scared?You want to talk scared, Livie?You’re the one who’s scared.”
“Me?What am I scared of?”
“You tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“Why did someone so brilliant pass up MIT and McArthur to take a spot at a backwater school like Adams?Why are you wasting yourself in that place?”
“I told you, I came here for Janet’s research.”
“She’s gone, Livie, and she’s not coming back.”
Panic flared up, hot and bright.“Shut up.”
“She’s not,” he said, his voice gentling.“You’ve got to face it and make a new plan.”
Her face flushed and she felt nauseous.“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, I do.You say you came here, that you’re staying here, for Finch, but she’s nothing but your excuse.You couldn’t bear to leave this place, because the thought of leaving terrified you.It still terrifies you.I ask you to leave for a week and you come up with a dozen bullshit reasons why you can’t.If I’m the one always running away, Livie, you’re the one too scared to leave in the first place.”
“Stop it,” she snapped, but without heat, because she had a terrible, sinking feeling that he was right.There was an uncomfortable kernel of truth at the heart of every justification she ever came up with for choosing Adams, one she’d very diligently avoided ever putting a label on.But Nick had reached right in and stuck his finger on the truth, and it hurt like he’d touched a raw nerve.
He blew out a breath and dragged his hand through his hair.“Fuck.Livie, I’m sorry.I shouldn’t have said that.”
