Page 121 of Texting, Trouble & Touchdowns
Lucian: Because you were overwhelmed with affection.
Olivia: Because I think I contracted something, maybe it’s rabies.
Lucian: You’re a veterinarian, you know that’s not how you get it. You probably just love me.
Olivia: Love isn’t contagious via Vizsla tongue.
Lucian: Are you a vet? No? Then stop spreading misinformation.
Olivia: I googled “can dogs emotionally manipulate humans.” Also I am a veterinarian. I am not spreading misinformation.
Lucian: And it showed Sarah’s headshot?
Olivia: Front page. With a smug little bio.
Lucian: Bet it says “Won’t rest until she’s the only one in your bed.”
Olivia: Too late. She’s currently starfished on her doggy bed like a drama queen.
Lucian: My girl.
Olivia: She stole your shirt. She’s sleeping inside it.
Lucian: She knows what’s sacred.
Olivia: She literally growled, ‘I dare you’, when I tried to take it back.
Lucian: Sarah can be pretty territorial. The question here is: What are you doing stealing my shirts?
Olivia: I’m the victim here. She set me up.
Lucian: Sounds like you miss me too.
Olivia: Sounds like your dog has abandonment issues.
Lucian: I feel her on a deep level. We’re almost like the same person.
Olivia: Wait—are you saying you also sleep in a dramatic starfish position wearing one of your own shirts for comfort?
Lucian: If I told you I sleep totally naked, would that make you feel better or worse?
Olivia: So, pants are also optional?
Lucian: Only when I want to make things interesting. Which, coincidentally, is always.
Olivia: That explains the energy. “Hi, I’m Lucian. I don’t believe in shirts or boundaries.”
Lucian: And yet, you keep texting me. Almost like you’re intrigued by my lack of both.
Olivia: I’m texting you because your dog peed a heart on the welcome mat and licked my dental hygiene tools. This is not a declaration of love.
Lucian: No, that’s what the heart was for. She’s just the messenger. I’m the message.
Olivia: That’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said, and that includes the time you compared your abs to artisanal bread.
Lucian: I am a multi-layered man. Like a croissant. Warm. Flaky. A little buttery.
Olivia: And exhausting.
