Page 94 of How Not to Be A Loser
‘No way,’ Bronwyn declared. ‘My fella might come, and he won’t be happy if I’m parading about in a cossie.’
‘It’s a swimming pool!’ Dani barked. ‘What does he expect you to wear?’
‘He expects me to wear running gear, and run,’ Bronwyn huffed back. ‘He has to put up with men trying to paw at me every night at work, asking for my number and sending drinks over to the hot bouncer. The least I can do is spare him that on our days off.’
‘Nobody is going to be pawing at you during a triathlon,’ Marjory said, brow furrowed.
‘No, but they’ll be gawping. I mean, come on, it’s only natural.’ She pointed down at herself, trying to make a joke of it, but nobody was laughing. ‘Look, he’s the jealous type, but nobody’s perfect. And I happen to think it’s quite romantic, wanting to keep me for his eyes only.’
In the end, Mel agreed to swim, given that she was probably a better swimmer than runner.
‘On the same basis, Audrey can do it,’ Selena said. ‘She’s not swum in a while, but it can’t be worse than her running.’
There was an awkward silence, while several of the team suddenly felt the need to check their phones.
‘Selena, darling,’ Dani placed a hand on her arm. ‘I’m not sure Audrey will be there.’
‘And if she’s not coming to training, should she even be allowed to take part?’ Mystery Woman Two asked.
‘She’s missed three weeks!’ Selena snapped back. ‘If she hasn’t come to her senses by Easter, I’ll drag her out of that viper’s nest myself.’
‘And what else can we do?’ Mel asked. ‘If we haven’t got anyone else.’
‘I’ll swim.’
That got everybody’s attention. Mine, included.
‘You?’ Selena replied, as if I’d just offered to do her pre-pool bikini wax.
‘I heard you had a phobia,’ Isobel said. ‘That you had a meltdown watching your boy swim, started screaming at a sports agent looking to sign him up.’
‘That’s not true.’
I twisted my clammy hands together under the table, reminding myself that however hard my heart might thud, it could not and would not actually break a rib and erupt out of my chest.
‘But it is true you avoid swimming pools,’ Mel added, gently. ‘It’d be good to ’ave someone swim who can smash out a couple of lengths now and then. You’re comin’ on great at the running, Amy, I think you’d do the team proud if you ran.’
‘I’m a better swimmer.’
Marjory chortled. ‘Let her swim. You might be surprised.’
No one looked convinced. They even went as far as to offer to pop in on Audrey and talk her into coming back.
Okay, heart now trying an alternative escape route up my windpipe, knees knocking against the table leg, I went for it: ‘My surname is Piper.’ A mix of blank and sympathetic looks. ‘And Amy is only the short version of my first name.’
Dani got it first. ‘Oh. My. Days.’
‘Shut the fudging fridge!’ Mel stood up, and shouted. ‘You are going to frickin’ well win this race for my Tate!’
‘Eh?’ Isobel asked. Nobody was listening.
Selena immediately plunged into PR overdrive, bombarding me with instructions about press releases and Instagram and contacting Notts TV.
‘Are you even allowed to race though?’ Bronwyn asked, causing a moment’s worried pause in the conversation.
‘She’s Amelia bloomin’ Piper!’ Mel roared. ‘It’s her pool! If she wants to race, she’ll bloomin’ well race!’
‘Does Nathan know?’ Dani asked, eyes wide with interest.
