Page 31 of The Chad Next Door
Then he finds my lips one more time, and the way he dives into this kiss feels as if he’s reminding himself that I’m different from the child he tucked in earlier. I’m overwhelmed by how much I love the way he kisses without hesitation, to the point where I no longer have the strength to hold myself up anymore and I slip onto my back. Chad comes with me because I’ve gripped his shirt, his elbows sinking into the mattress on either side of me as his weight presses me down, but he groans against my mouth before tucking his head into my shoulder.
“You are the worst sort of distraction,” he growls, and I feel the words rumble through him, both because he’s still on top of me and because I’ve conveniently slid my hands up along his sides so I can know just how strong he really is. Very. Very strong. This is a solid man, just as I suspected, and he is exactly the sort of man I would want to spend my life with if things were different. Maybe even if they weren’t. Chad seems like the kind of guy who might make a great husband and father.
Who am I kidding? I just spent all day watching him with my kids. Iknowhe would make a great father.
“You’re the one who kissed me,” I remind him, stroking his short hair until he presses a kiss into my neck, and then I’m suddenly immobile, like he found a secret button that makes me completely powerless to resist.
“You did it first,” he complains, now trailing kisses up to my ear.
“Yes I did, and I’ll do it again.”
“Please don’t.”
“You know you like it.”
“That’s the problem.”
I laugh, though it comes out almost silent because his lips are so dang distracting. “I could have come to the room on my own,” I say breathlessly. I don’t want to argue, but it’s the only thing that will keep me from begging him to stay. “You didn’t have to carry me.”
“Would you have come if I didn’t?”
“No.”
He chuckles and kisses my cheek. “Just as I thought.” He kisses my nose. “I’m going to go back to the living room.” Kisses my chin. “And you’re going to stay here.” Kisses my lips. “All night.” Another kiss. “With the door closed.” Then he claims my mouth with a longer, languid kiss, one that makes it difficult to want to do what he’s saying even though he’s using that commanding tone of his. His kisses speak louder than any orders to stay away.
“I’m getting mixed signals here,” I whisper when my mouth is free again.
He groans. “You are not allowed to leave this room until the sun is up, Hope Duncan.”
“What if I have to use the bathroom?”
“It’s right there.” He probably points, but I’ve just discovered how much I like rubbing my fingers against his scruff, and all of my focus is now on his face. “Hope.” The exasperated way he says my name doesn’t stop me, so he grabs both my hands with one of his and presses them into the mattress above my head, stealing my breath when his eyes lock on to mine. For a moment, everything stops. Neither of us breathe, our eyes locked together as if we’re both waiting for the other to choose what happens next. Chad’s grip tightens around my wrists as he takes a breath, the fingers of his other hand brushing against the skin below the hem of my shirt. And then next thing I know, he’s on his feet, putting some space between us and leaving me feeling cold and empty.
“Do you have to go?” I say, even though I already know the answer.
Another growl rumbles through him, but he keeps his distance. “We have some things to talk about tomorrow.”
Good things, I hope. Things like how we’re going to make this work and when the wedding will be and how does adoption work when it comes to this kind of custody? I don’t know if that is where his thoughts are going, but I hope it is. I hope he’s running through all of the scenarios of what this could be and seeing the brightest option as the one he wants to take.
I’ve never felt like this about anyone, and I don’t know if I can ever let him go. Maybe it’s crazy, but I’ve already lost my parents and my sister. I don’t think I could lose him too. I’ve never felt as safe as I do with him, and the thought of being without that leaves me hollow. I don’t just mean physically safe. I haven’t been brave enough to admit even to myself how scared I am of the future, but I trusted him with my vulnerability. And he validated everything I told him in a way that made it all feel like it could be okay someday.
Chad saw me in a way no one ever has before.
“Goodnight, Hope,” he says and heads for the living room.
“Chad?”
He pauses in the doorway, though I can barely see his silhouette in the glow from the fire down the hall.
My heart is pounding like crazy, but I don’t let my fear keep me from saying the words. “Remember what you said to Zelda yesterday? It’s the same for me. I only kiss someone when I…” Nope. Can’t say it. It’s too crazy. But I feel like I have to saysomething, so I start rambling.
“I feel like I always do things out of order. The wrong way, you know? I didn’t choose a major until I took a class that I really liked my sophomore year. I legally became an adult before I went to junior prom. I became a mom of two elementary kids without ever having a real boyfriend. And I fell for a really great guy before I even knew him. Even when he’s so much older than me.” I swallow. “Most of those things have worked out for me so far, even if it’s not the way regular people do things.”
Though he doesn’t say anything, he stands there long enough that I can practically feel him soaking up my words. I may have said it indirectly, but I mean it. I think I love him. Or I’m well on my way to that. I know nothing about him, but there’s something deep in my chest telling me that he and I are destined. Written in the stars.
I’ve learned to listen to the stars.
He also said he only kisses people he wants to marry, and I think I might agree with that too. But I don’t want to say anything else crazy tonight. Even if it’s true.
