Page 65 of The Chad Next Door
“The best.”
“That doesn’t really help me.”
“I know.” She takes my hand, even though it’s still balled up in a fist. “How about this? Say it was your kid. Say you made some terrible mistakes but you have a chance to apologize. Would you take it?”
I furrow my brow. The obvious answer is yes, and the ball of guilt in my stomach that hasn’t left since I shouted at Link seems to grow bigger as I think about her question. I really need to tell him I’m sorry and make sure he knows that what happened with the mountain lion and the bear trap wasn’t his fault. “You think I should talk to him,” I guess.
Hope smiles. “I think it depends on if you want to give him some closure. I don’t think you need it on your end.”
She’s right. I rarely think about my dad because everything he did is in the past, and I don’t regret the chance I got to help raise my siblings into the people they are today. I’m proud of them and everything they’ve accomplished, and no conversation with my dad will change that.
I lean in until my forehead rests against Hope’s. I’m going to be late to pick up Houston for lunch if I’m not careful, but I almost don’t care. “Does it make me a bad person if I’d rather let him live his life full of regrets?”
Hope snickers. “I don’t know if it’s bad or good, but it’s certainly human. What would you say to him if you did talk?”
I give her a soft kiss in between each thing I say. “I would tell him that we’re better off without him. That the twins don’t need him messing up their lives because things are good. That I’m glad he did what he did because it led me to you.”
Hope deepens the kiss, making me think canceling on Houston is a great idea, but then she pulls away. “You’re going to be late.”
My phone buzzes with another call, but I block my dad’s number. Maybe someday I’ll talk to him, but not today. Not anytime soon. Things are too good to risk him messing things up.
“You’ll be here when I get back?” I ask her, a bit of fear coloring my question.
But Hope smiles and kisses me again. “I’ll be here. I promise.”
That promise is the only reason I’m okay with climbing into my truck and driving off to the stadium where Houston is practicing with his team. Though I saw him last night, moments with my brother are rare, so I can’t regret the fact that Hope didn’t let me skip out on this.
Especially when I see the smile on Houston’s face when he comes out and tosses his gear into my bed. “Missed me that much?” he says, clearly jazzed that I reached out like this. “What about your lady friend?”
Okay, I may still have some regrets. But this lunch is about him, not me. I want to make sure he doesn’t get hurt by whatever Darcy is doing. “Don’t call her that,” I grumble and climb into the cab. Once we’re moving, I decide I should share a little more about the woman I love. He’ll just make assumptions if I don’t. “Her name is Hope.”
Houston sniggers. “And who, pray tell, is Hope?”
“She’s…” How do I even put it into words when I have yet to tell her how I feel?
“Your lady friend.” He winces when I punch him, even though I don’t hit him hard. That’s his bad shoulder, and I remind myself to take it easy with him. He admitted last night that he may not be able to play anymore without surgery, and I won’t make it worse for him. “It seems like she makes you happy,” he says, raising his eyebrows. “I’m happy for you, man.”
I’m happy too, but I am terrified. Now that she isn’t next to me, all of my fears are creeping back in. “She has two kids,” I mutter. One of whom still thinks I’m angry with him, and who knows how Zelda really feels about me?
Houston shrugs. “And?”
And this is going to be so much easier if I just let it all out. I didn’t come here to spill my guts, but it might make it easier for Houston to listen to me if he knows I’m just as lost as he is when he comes to love. “What if I can’t be enough for her? I’ve already messed things up once, and we’re going to give things another try. But I’m not sure if…”
“I’m going to be serious for a second, okay?”
I look over at him, lifting one eyebrow. “Is that possible?”
He snickers. “Only on rare occasions.”
“Blow me away, Texas.”
“I know for a fact I haven’t ever thanked you, but you were the best big brother anyone could have asked for.”
We reach the restaurant right as he says this, which is great because emotion rises in my throat and touches my eyes, making it difficult to see. No, he hasn’t thanked me for taking care of him, not in a general sense, but I’ve never asked for thanks. I’ve never needed it. But that doesn’t change how deeply his words hit me. It almost makes me feel okay with my decision to ignore our dad because we were fine without him. The three of us made it through because we had each other.
I think about Hope and the kids. If I’d never met them, they would have been fine. Hope loves them and will make the most incredible mother, and Link and Zelda will become wonderful people as they grow up. But what if they had someone else looking out for them too? A father who didn’t abandon them like mine did?
“You got the short end of the straw,” Houston continues quietly, “being so much older than us, and when Mom died, you never got a chance to really mourn. The State made us go back with Dad, which meant you suddenly became a parent at fifteen, but I never once heard you complain. You may think we didn’t realize how crazy it was that a teenager would have to get a job to make sure there was food on the table, but we did.”
