Page 15 of Thunderstruck
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Derek says, folding his arms as he looks down at me. “It sounds extreme, and it is, but frankly I’m in agreement with her. You’ve got to get over this funk Sage has put you in. She’s controlling your life as much as she did when you first met her.”
My eyes jump up as anger flashes through me. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re letting what she did to you affect every aspect of your life. You’re always stressed. You complain about practice all the time. You’re angry. You rarely hang out with us, and when you do, you’re not really here.” He sighs and shakes his head. “I’ve been trying to give you time and help you through gentle nudges, but my way clearly isn’t working. And I miss my friend, Cole. Don’t let Sage destroy the man you were.”
I clench my jaw, hating the way emotion rises in my throat, choking me. “She isn’t—”
“I liked Sage because you loved her,” Derek says, narrowing his eyes so his expression turns hard. “But you and I both know she wasn’t good for you. Why can’t you admit that?”
Thoughts that have been on repeat for the last seven months flicker across my mind, but I try to ignore them. It’s not easy, given the uncertainty building in my chest.You’re pathetic. I’ve wasted the last eighteen months waiting for you. You’re not the man I wanted you to be and never will be.
Swallowing, I push myself to my feet, desperate to get away from this conversation and the feelings of inadequacy that have been following me for I don’t know how long. Since before Sage dumped me. “All that, and you want me to go to her wedding?” I growl. “To the man who used to be one of my best friends?”
Derek’s expression doesn’t shift. “I want you to take back your life, Cole. I want you to stop letting her ruin another relationship with your team just like she did in Oregon.”
It’s a solid blow and leaves me feeling hollow as my mind drifts back to my time with the Badgers. The friends I left behind along with a life I loved. “Leaving Oregon had nothing to do with Sage,” I mutter, knowing I shouldn’t say anything at all.
Derek puts his hand on my shoulder, clear pain in his eyes. He doesn’t often show that kind of vulnerability, and it’s the only reason I don’t shift away from his touch. “Thenwhydid you leave? Why won’t you tell me?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you,” I say, my voice thin. Idesperatelywant to tell him why I left football. He’s my best friend, and keeping this from him for the last two years has been killing me.
Derek’s expression hardens once more, turning into the mask he wears more often than not lately. “I know,” he says gruffly. “You can’t.”
I really can’t, and I can’t even explain why because it’s not like I’m under oath or contract or anything except my desire to be a decent human. There are so many things I wish I could say right now.My team was corrupted. Players were being paid to rig games. I almost agreed to do it too.But I can’t say any of that.
“Right now,” Derek says carefully, “I don’t think going to that wedding is a good idea, but like I said, I’m with Freya on this one. So you’d better start trying harder with your team, or this is going to get ugly.”
I want to tell him that nothing has to turn ugly if he and Freya back off, but I know better. They are looking after me, and they’re both too stubborn to back down without a good reason. I don’t thinkI don’t want to gois going to cut it. So I slip from his hold and mutter, “I’ll try to make friends,” because I have no other choice. Freya can and will force me to go to Sage and Javi’s wedding, though I have no idea how. She wouldn’t make an edict like this if she didn’t have some sort of leverage over me.And going to that wedding would be disastrous in so many ways, so it looks like I have to play nice with my team.
It would be a whole lot easier if they would play nice in return.
Chapter Six
Carissa
I love Mel. Mynew boss is no-nonsense but unerringly sweet and encouraging, and as she leads me around on an in-depth tour of the Thunder’s facility and explains the job, she makes me feel like I might actually have a place here.
Most of the things she tells me are pretty straightforward, but I definitely have some homework before I can really be of use to the team. I don’t mind. Learning new things about the human body always puts a skip in my step, and Mel clearly needs the support. She got divorced last year and has been struggling to find consistent daycare for her son, Raiden, so having a second staff member will give her some much-needed flexibility.
After what went down in Philly, I’m desperate to be helpful.
“And it sounds like practice is ending,” Mel says right as a cacophony of voices fills the tunnel. We’ve ended the tour in the small training room that serves as Mel’s office, where I’m probably going to spend a lot of time. “Which players did you meet when you were here before?”
I laugh nervously, bracing myself as if all thirty guys might try barging into the tiny room. “Honestly, that day was kind of a blur. I remember Moxie. And…” And Cole, who clearly doesn’t like me. “Bean? I think.”
Mel chuckles and gestures for me to move to the back wall as the voices get louder. “Bean is a fun one, and he’s a major flirt. Even with me. If he ever crosses a line, let me know.”
Nerves fill my belly, and it suddenly feels like I just drank a whole liter of soda in one go. But I don’t have time to worry about crossing lines because half a dozen bodies spill through the doorway.
“Hey, Mel!” they all greet, their voices bright and happy. Not at all what I expected from rough and gruff men like them.
Then they see me.
The man at the front comes to a standstill so quickly that it looks like he just saw Medusa and was turned to stone. The two behind him collide right into him, knocking him over so all three tumble to the ground. One more man trips onto the dog pile, but the other three manage to stop in time, their eyes locked on me with unveiled interest.
“Boys,” Mel says, “this is my new assistant, Carissa.”
“Rizzo, right?”
