Page 29 of Thunderstruck
“I don’t appreciate the sarcasm, Auxier. I know I’ve been…gruff lately.”
That just gets another laugh out of him. “We’re downplaying everything? Okay. Carissa seemedupsetthis morning.”
He’s in rare form today, and I wonder if it’s because of my tension with Carissa or because practice didn’t go well today. This is the third day in a row that Coach failed to show up, and at this point it’s a gamble if he’llbe at Saturday’s game. What is he being paid for? Moxie is doing most of the coaching anyway, so we might as well use that money on the guy who deserves it.
Sighing, I stuff my sweat-soaked clothes into my bag and drop onto the bench. “I offered her a ride, but I’m not in a great mood as it is, and she…” Why can’t I just call her out on her tie to Tamlin? “She triggered something. It wasn’t her fault.”
“The guys noticed she’s upset, and they’ve spent more time making her laugh than they have fixing our lineout issue.”
I grunt. “She’s going to bring nothing but trouble.”
Moxie doesn’t say anything for a long time, making me wonder if he agrees with me or if he’s trying to find a way to counter my comment. But what he ends up saying is nothing like what I expect. “She’s the only reason Mel didn’t quit this afternoon.”
“Mel was going to quit?” Alarm pulses through me at the thought of our athletic trainer leaving us. Sure, we could hire a new one, but we’re already treading water as it is, and Mel has been the best thing to ever happen to this team. She doesn’t take any crap from the guys, and she has a talent for convincing stubborn men to take the small steps to avoid injuries. Without her, we probably would have lost half a dozen guys to injury before the season was halfway over.
Shrugging, Moxie gives me a grim smile that isn’t at all comforting. “With all the stuff with her kid and finding childcare, she’s barely managing everything. If I knew how to help her, I would.”
I don’t know a ton about Mel outside of her work with the team, but I do know she’s had it rough since her divorce. I should probably make an effort to talk to her more, though it’s not like I would be good company. “But she didn’t quit?” I ask.
“Nope. Carissa talked her out of it. Honestly, I’m getting the sense that Carissa could talkanyoneinto doing or not doing something. She’s weirdly persuasive.”
I’m fully aware of that, which is part of the problem. She could have been lying through her teeth about her sister’s intentions.
Have I always been this paranoid? Probably, though I’m going to blame some of it on being friends with Derek as long as I have. He has paranoid on lock down, no matter how much he pretends otherwise. It’s not his fault, given the nature of his career, but I do think it makes it hard for him to grow close to people.
And maybe my paranoia is also… I swallow, not sure I want to let my thoughts go down this path. Sage often tiptoed around what she really thought and felt. I convinced myself that it was because she worried about how her feelings would affect others, but looking back, it’s harder to justify the way she always did whatever it took to get what she wanted.
Not everyone is like Sage, but there’s a part of me that will always wonder if a person is showing me how they really feel.
Moxie is watching me, waiting for a response, but I don’t know what to say. I would have loved to avoid this conversation entirely. So when I say nothing, he rolls his eyes and gets to his feet so he’s looking down on me. “I’m going to be your captain for a second, okay?”
“As opposed to…?”
He purses his lips. “Your friend, Cole.”
Oh. “I didn’t realize we were friends,” I admit, though it hurts me to say it out loud. What does that say about me that I can’t tell when someone considers me as more than a teammate or acquaintance?
“Annoyingly, that illustrates the point I’m about to make. You need to be better.”
I already know what he means, but I ask anyway. “Better about what? I’m already the best scrum-half the Thunder has had.”
“I’m only going to allow that response because you’re right.” He folds his arms, narrowing his eyes at me and reminding me why he’s the team captain. He’s an easygoing guy, but when he needs to, he can drive a point home. “I mean you need to be better with your relationships.”
“I—”
“I’m not talking about your celebrity gang. The whole world knows you and Derek Riley are tight and have been for years. I’m talking about outside of that. I’m talking about the people who are supposed to rely on you but can’t because they don’t know you.”
Why do I get the sense that I’m about to get homework from yet another person in my life? I’m lucky I didn’t get some sort of direction from my dad and Gramps last night, though I’m sure one or both of them is gearing up for it.
Moxie takes a deep breath. Apparently this is going to be hard for me to hear, based on the worried look in his eyes. “Cole, if you’re not careful, this breakup is going to ruin your life. You’re already on thin ice.”
I grit my teeth as the words ‘thin ice’ immediately spark life back into the line I thought I had gotten over.This is not a hockey romance. If it was… If it was, I wouldn’t be the hero. I’d be the guy who scares the girl into the arms of the guy who deserves her.
“I don’t…” A locker room isn’t a great place for a heart to heart, but after the way I turned on Carissa this morning, I’m pretty sure I’ve hit my lowest of low. At this point, what do I have to lose? Moxie and Derek are both right about this breakup interfering with my life, and it’s only gotten worse since Sage showed up here last week to give me the wedding invite.
I’m falling apart. Becoming someone I don’t like.
I clear my throat. “I don’t know how to get over this, Mox. It feels like she ripped my heart out of my chest and tore it to pieces, and I’m not alive anymore. I don’t know how to keep going.”
