Page 37 of Thunderstruck
She sniffles and swipes a finger across her cheek. “Okay.”
I swear again, hating how easily I slipped back into the guy who makes her cry. I need to explain, but I don’t know if I can do it well enough for her to understand. “I don’t want my mess to become your mess and make everything worse for you,” I say as gently as I can. “If anyone sees you with me like they did yesterday, your past is going to catch up to you really fast.”And the people who dig it up will be ruthless. Grimacing, I shake my head at her. “You don’t want to be associated with me, Carissa. You don’t want to be my friend.”
“What if I do?”
“You don’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m cursed.” I swear once more and clench my jaw. But I suppose, after that bombshell she dropped on me, it’s only fair that I do the same. She was honest with me, so I’ll be honest with her.
Even if I hate it.
I take a deep breath, holding it in my lungs and refusing to meet her teary gaze. “I’m cursed, Carissa. Anyone who gets close to the men in my family, they… It doesn’t end well.” That’s not quite true, so I shake my head and stand up, hoping the distance makes it easier to explain. “I don’t mean anyone. I mean…I mean anyone who getscloseto me. Anyone I let into my heart. The people I love. The…thewomenI love.”
Okay, wow, that sounds like I’m telling Carissa I love her so she should stay away from me, and that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Yes, I feel a budding connection to her, but I don’t know her. A few hours in each other’s company, during most of which I was antagonistic, hardly counts as time to get to know someone.
She’s still staring at me in silence, so I shake my head again. “I’m not explaining this well.”
“No,” she agrees.
“My great-great-grandma was trampled by a horse when my great-grandpa was ten.” I wince at the horrified look in Carissa’s eyes but keep talking. “Great-grandma died of smallpox only a few years into being married. My grandma got cancer only a year after my dad was born, and my mom…” I stumble over my words. “She died giving birth to me. My…” I clench my hands into fists, hating how hard it is to talk about this after so many years. “My high school girlfriend? Car accident when I was driving us back from Senior Prom. She was in a coma for two months before she finally woke up.”
Carissa gasps, wiping tears from her cheek with her palm. “That’s why you don’t drive.”
I nod, trying to swallow the lump that has lodged itself in my throat. “The crash wasn’t my fault, but I still feel responsible. If she hadn’t beenwithme… And then—” I stop talking before I mention Sage, who got stuck in an elevator not long after we started dating. One of the lines snapped and trapped her in between floors for a few hours. She laughed it off as coincidence and refused to break up with me, even though it had only been a few months since she first asked me out and I was adamant that she would be better off without me.
Her determination was endearing and the main reason I let myself think maybe she’d be okay if we stayed together.
I shrug. “Cursed.”
Slowly getting to her feet, Carissa approaches me like she would a wounded animal. With caution. “That’s not a real thing,” she says, which is exactly what I expected her to say. “Besides, we can still be friends.”
I shake my head. “We’re friendsnow. But what if…” The fact that I’m even considering the possibility of something more than friendship should be sending me into a mental breakdown when only a few hours ago I told Moxie that my heart was irreparably broken. What has this woman done to me? She’s like some goddess putting me under her spell and making me believe things might get better.
I stuff a hand into my hair. I need to change the subject before she reads too much into things. “I can’t believe I just told you all of that.”
Her laugh, though small, warms the space between us. “This is probably going to make me sound vain or conceited, but people tend to tell me things they wouldn’t normally tell a stranger. Like, all the time. I must have one of those faces.”
“It’s more than that.” Though, I have no idea what I mean. There’s something about her that makes me want to get close to her, and I can’t blame the team for tripping over each other to get to her. She’s magnetic. A couple of hours of having her in my house, and I don’t want her to leave. Folding my arms, I think back to today and how Moxie said the team paid more attention to Carissa than they did to their job.Something tells me it’s only going to get worse the more they get to know her.
Taking a small step back to give me some air to breathe that doesn’t include her sweet scent—a lightly floral smell that reminds me of my dad’s backyard in the early spring—I try to keep my voice calm and steady as I say, “So you want to avoid dating any of the people you work with, right?”
Her eyebrows dip down; I don’t blame her for being confused about my choice of topic. “Yeah.”
I twist my mouth to one side. “They’re not going to make it easy on you.”
“They never do.”
Yeah, I can imagine most men fall in love with her as soon as they speak to her. I wasn’t willing to admit it, but even I was drawn to her that first day we met. If I had been in a better mood, I might have acknowledged it then.
I’m man enough to admit it now. “I don’t blame them. You’re…” I grimace and take another step back.
She tilts her head. “I’m what?”
“Special. And I’m not willing to risk your safety, no matter how much I want to know you better.”
“Cole, you’re not cursed.”
