Page 67 of Thunderstruck
“Uh huh.” Derek shifts back and leans one arm on the arm rest between us, dropping his chin into his hand. He’s clean-shaven today, making me wonder if he started filming something new.
I shouldn’t have to wonder. I used to know. Just how poor of a friend have I become?
“How’s your homework coming?” he asks.
Don’t look at Carissa. Donotlook at Carissa.
“Nothing has changed since last night,” I mutter. At least, nothing with the team. It’s almost painful to keep my eyes on Derek when they want so badly to jump across the circle to the woman directly across from me. Why’d she have to choose that seat? “We’ll see how practice is tomorrow, but I’m not feeling optimistic.”
“Any word on Moxie?”
“No.”
“It’ll be okay, Cole.”
“You don’t know that.” Against my will, my eyes lift to Carissa, and I’m surprised to find her frowning at me. Is that…worry…in her eyes? Something warm and solid settles in my chest at the thought that she might be worried about me, though I’m well aware she could be thinking about something other than me. She might even be thinking about Moxie, if she heard any of my conversation with Derek.
Derek clears his throat again. Chin still in his hand, he gives me a piercing look that makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong.
I swallow. “What?”
He drops his voice, though his expression doesn’t shift an inch. “Curious that you would bring Carissa today. Last time she was here, you were convinced she was dangerous.”
“She’s still dangerous,” I murmur.
“Hmm.”
I narrow my eyes. “I don’t like this look you’re giving me, Riley. What are you insinuating?”
Again,Derek’s expression doesn’t change except for the slightest smile. I hate how much control he has over himself because it makes it impossible to get under his skin. I never know what he’s thinking when he’s like this. “I’m just curious,” he says, eyes darting over to Carissa. “You’ve been different this week.”
“You’ve barely seen me this week.”
“Exactly.”
“Well, I’m sorry I’ve—”
“It’s a good thing, Cole.” Derek sits up and smiles. “If someone—” his gaze jumps to Carissa again “—is taking up your time, I’m all for it.”
For some reason, Derek’s approval feels like all the permission I need to ignore the rules Carissa and I put into place and give a relationship a shot. Which is bad. We both individually need the team on our side, and that will never happen if we become a couple. And even if that wasn’t the case, if things went wrong and Carissa decided she was better off without me, the guys would ostracize me more than they already have. I can’t leave this team. I don’t have high enough rugby stats for another SoCal team to want to take me, and I have no plans to leave California.
What would I do if I didn’t play? Being an athlete is all I’ve ever known, and I don’t know what it’s like to have a normal job. A twenty-eight-year-old with no real work experience is a gamble not many would take, so who would hire me?
“Will you stop overthinking and start trusting yourself?” Derek says loudly, getting to his feet and clapping a hand on my shoulder. “I swear, you would think yourself into oblivion if you didn’t have us to talk you out of things.” He heads to the mini fridge sitting against the house and grabs a Coke like he isn’t calling me out on my issues in front of everyone.
“What’s your problem this time?” Liam asks.
You. I bite my tongue before the retort makes an escape. Liam would take the joke in stride and dish it right back, but I worry Carissa would think our bickering is real. It’s not. Liam can get annoying, and hisblissful relationship with Kasey has always felt like a slap to the face with everything that went down with Sage. But Liam is one of my best friends, and if I’m going to make a friendship with Carissa work, I need to show her that I can be a good friend.
So instead of poking at Liam, I opt for the truth. “Moxie got injured, and Coach put me in as captain to replace him even though the rest of the team doesn’t like me.”
Liam whistles low. “That’ll be fun.”
“They just don’t know you,” Bonnie says. “They’ll warm up to you.”
“It’s been two years,” Derek says. “I don’t think the team is the problem.”
I frown. He’s sayingI’mthe problem. It’s true, but I don’t like that he’s calling it out. “Thanks for that, Derek.”
