Page 44 of Dumbstruck
“You were.”
“But I also meant it when I said we could be something. If you want to be.”
Right now, I don’t know if I want that. But I want to want that. Up until twenty minutes ago, I didn’t see any downsides to spending time with this man, and I hate how quickly I distrusted him. “Even if we barely know each other?”
Jonah smiles, accentuating the makeup that has transformed his face. “That’s what dating is for, isn’t it? I’m not saying I want forever.”
My stomach does a somersault.
Whatever expression is on my face—disappointment, maybe?—it shifts Jonah’s smile into a smirk, and he shifts closer, emboldened by my reaction. “I’m also not saying forever is off the table, just so we’re clear. But I can’t promise you anything, especially when my career is kind of riding on this Frost movie doing well.”
Another somersault. “Wait, it is? But you’re one of the better actors out there!”
Flinching, Jonah glances over my head again, but there must be no one close by because he relaxes, adjusting his hands so they rest clasped together at my lower back. “First of all,” he says, his voice low, “I am a phenomenal actor, and you know it.”
I scoff, but I’m so glad for this shift in tone. It feels like we’re back to normal, even though we’re not. Not until I can explain my reaction outside. “I don’t know—”
“You watchedSilent Pursuitthat night when I ran past your house.”
Heat splashes across my face, and I get the sudden urge to hold my head inside the ice cream freezer. He saw that? “I didn’t watch… Okay, fine. I watched it.”
“And?” He lifts his eyebrow, though it doesn’t rise as high as it would normally. As I gaze at him, I realize his makeup is cracking, which means we don’t have much more time before our disguises fail us.
I sigh. I’m not ready to get back to real life and all its drama. Can’t I just stay here in Jonah’s arms and joke about how he’s a terrible actor when in truth he’s one of the best I’ve seen? “And you were really good.”
“Phenomenal,” he repeats.
Pursing my lips, I shake my head at him but can’t hold back a smile. “Phenomenal,” I reluctantly agree.
“Thank you. Second of all, acting is not a stable career path unless you’re someone like Derek Riley.” Right. His career is apparently in danger. “I had to start on the bottom like everyone else, and it’s impossible to know when I’ll end up a has-been rather than a confident B-lister hoping to make it big.”
His expression might be calm and chill, but there’s a hint of anxiety lurking in his voice. Until our argument in the alley, I didn’t know anything could ruffle this man’s feathers, but maybe he’s just as human as I am.
He gets jealous, and worries about his job, and says the wrong things. But he also apologizes and keeps me warm and makes me laugh. I don’t want to be constantly on my guard, but I also don’t know how to tell him why I panicked before. I’ll just keep talking about him and hope all my fears go away.
Frowning, I reach up and gently touch his jaw, careful not to smudge anything. “That must be hard, not knowing how long you’ll get to live your life the way you want.”
He nods, lips pressing together. “Yeah, and this conversation isn’t helping, so I’m going to change the subject.” He leans into my touch slightly before pulling away and looking at the glass door next to us. “Ah, I wondered why you looked so worried when I came over, but now I understand. The dreaded ice cream you dislike so much.”
I whack his arm. “I never said I didn’t like it. And I looked worried because…” I guess I’m telling him now; he told me one of his fears, so it’s only fair that I tell him about mine. This isn’t an easy conversation for me, but if we don’t have it, there won’t be any point in hanging around Jonah. “I was thinking about…my ex.”
“Bobby Fleming?”
I snort, grateful for the levity. “No. Bobby was delightful, and if you had died in the war, we would have had a wonderful life together. I’m talking about the other ex.”
“The nameless one.” Jonah makes a face of disgust. “Why were you thinking about him?” But something seems to click a second later, and his hold on me slips along with his expression. He looks horrified. Maybe even hurt. “Please tell me I didn’t remind you of him.”
I can’t tell him that, so I keep my mouth shut.
He curses softly and takes a step away from me, like that might distance him from my ex. “Was it the stuff with Hank?”
I nod, deciding he deserves the truth. If he really wants to date me, he’s going to have to know my triggers. “When I first met The Ex, he was a nice guy, full of praise and compliments. But after a while, he started making negative comments about my friends, my parents, our coworkers. Testing the waters, maybe? So by the time he talked down to me, I barely noticed it.”
Without Jonah’s arms around me, I’m shivering again, but he seems frozen in place, staring at me with wide eyes. “June,” he mutters, shaking his head. “I would never say anything bad about you.”
“But you were fine talking bad about Hank.”
“I wasn’t fine.” He swallows and stuffs his hands into his pockets. “I hate that I judged him so quickly, and just because he’s your friend and I was jealous. I’ve never…” He ducks his head, looking sheepish. “I’ve never been jealous before. And my mom would make me muck out the barn for a month if she knew the way I was talking out there.”
