Page 90 of Still Yours
That truth rattles inside my chest as I push outside onto the front patio, where my exhales turn into icy clouds. The glow and warmth from inside don’t follow. I’m plunged into midnight blue with white casts of electric light from the outdoor lamps.
In my haste, I’d forgotten a jacket, goose bumps blasting across my skin and my teeth turning cold.
I embrace the numbing freeze, preferable to the heated conflict inside my head. Leaning on the railing, I look up at the moon, full and gray, coated in winter as much as I am.
“Thought I’d find you out here.”
The snick of a lighter follows Aaron’s voice. I half turn to greet him.
“Want one?” he asks as he comes up beside me, holding up a cigarette.
My cloudy exhales coat his offering. “I shouldn’t.”
“For so many reasons,” Aaron agrees. He sticks it into the corner of his mouth, dips his head, and cups the lighter before saying, “But I won’t tell.”
He inhales, puffing out the smoke, then hands it to me.
I take it, closing my eyes as I take a deep inhale, the nicotine doing its work. I take my time blowing out the smoke. “Thank you.”
“Did it help?”
“Not a bit.”
Aaron chuckles. There’s no mirth in it. “I knew it was bad, but I didn’t know how bad. I’m sorry, my friend. Truly.”
I nod, staring out into the road.
“I’ll be honest. I was worried you wouldn’t be able to handle coming back here. With the way your mom is, I was sure you’d act out your anger somehow and do something stupid. No offense.”
“None taken,” I say wryly, yanking the cigarette from him again.
“Your ex, though. Noa. She’s keeping you level. Anyone can see it.”
“What, I can’t do it all by myself? I need some sort of anchoring force to keep me from doing bad things?”
“Yup.”
“Thanks for the support.”
“You understand where I’m coming from, Stone. During the worst times of our lives, we need someone who cares about us to keep us from going under. In my fucked-up way, I’m telling you I’m glad you have that woman. You and I both know without her, I’d be here for different reasons.”
I’m silent for a moment. “I can’t argue with that.”
“Do you regret letting her go?”
I hand the cigarette back. “I’m not in the right mind to get into it.”
Not since Noa explained we were nothing but good sex.
“I think she regrets it,” Aaron continues.
“You wouldn’t if you heard what I did.” I push off the railing. “We should get back.”
But Aaron’s relentless. “But if you saw what I did, you’d believe me. You know what it means when a woman is in a room filled with handsome bachelors and she only pays attention to one?”
I sigh. “Let me guess. It means she’s obsessed with your good looks?”
“Nope.” Aaron flicks the butt over the railing and into the frosted-over grass. “It means you’re her soulmate.”
