Page 102 of Vince
Vince
When I wakeup the next morning, I’m still out of sorts. Knowing Van has the day off to spend with Julia, and it’s a Sunday, I ensure another accident won’t happen by setting out cereal and a bowl on the table. Then I head out to burn off this pent-up energy I can’t shake.
After warming up, my feet keep a steady beat on the pavement. Willing my endless thoughts to disappear for just a few fucking minutes, I push myself to eat up the distance between myself and the house. When a clear mind continues to evade me, I push harder.
After several miles, I’m no better off than when I started my journey. My mind is clogged with the realization that I’ve been a selfish bastard. I’ve put my own needs first, and the result is Jules got hurt.
Every time I had looked at Julia’s bandage yesterday, my stomach clenched, and my heart sank. The plastic surgeon claims her scar will hardly be noticeable… eventually. But for me, it’s a constant reminder that I let my eye slip from the prize.
Clearly, my family needs me, and I’m not sure what to do.
God, I love how Sydney makes me feel, like I get to just be me.
She gets me in ways no one ever has.
With her, it’s so much more.
We connect on ways I never thought possible.
But is my situation fair to her?
No matter which way I look at it, the stark reality is no.
Syd deserves to be with someone who puts her first. Someone who isn’t committed to his family the way I am.
Fuck… My family.
There’s nothing I won’t do for them.
God, Van and I are so fucking close at reaching our goal. In just one year, we’ll both be college graduates before Julia reaches kindergarten. We’ve overcome such adversity, most didn’t think we’d be able to handle. Pride soars through me when I know without a doubt, she’ll no longer be at risk for being a statistic because we’ve worked our asses off to make sure it didn’t happen.
Does being with Syd put me at risk of losing this dream of ours?
God knows, Sydney hasn’t had it easy. Between her deadbeat dad and immature mom, then losing her only real support system, she deserves to be treated like a queen. She deserves to find someone who puts her first no matter what.
Someone who will never even fucking ask themselves this question.
Fuck, my gut aches at the thought of her being with someone else.
That’s my stark reality, though. I should let her go.
I know my physical experience is limited with women, but I’ve never felt the connection I do with her. I don’t think it’s just about sex. No. It’s a connection on a cellular level. I swear, it’s like we’re magnets or something. If she moves, I’m instinctually pulled with her.
She’s the type of woman my mom used to tell me about.
Fuck… I haven’t thought about our conversation in years.
Mom used to say physical attraction only gets you so far. I need to find someone who challenges me, who understands my loyalty and won’t take advantage, and someone for whom I will gladly put their needs above my own.
I don’t know how I manage, but I smile at the memory like it was yesterday. The last time we’d spoken of this was the night I’d come home after spending the evening with Anna Hastings with a hickey on my neck and my clothes a rumpled mess. We didn’t have sex obviously, but we’d done everything but. Yet somehow, Mom just knew.
After blatantly denying what I’d been up to, Mom just gave me a knowing grin and said, “You know, Vin, there are gonna be plenty of women you’ll meet along the way that will make you feel good, but I want you to pay close attention to the ones who get you in here.” She placed her hand over her heart. “Knowing you, it will be someone who’s stubborn, challenges you, and won’t let you get away with the crap you’re trying to pull right now.”
Oh, you can bet she gave me her infamous raised eyebrow.
I thought she was crazy at the time, but now that I’ve met Sydney, I realize Mom might’ve been on to something.
I mull over this as I slow my pace back to the house. Once inside, I shower off the sweat from my intense workout. However, I’m still undecided about what to do. I’m torn between being selfish and doing what’s right for Sydney. She needs someone who can love her the way she deserves.
