Page 108 of Vince
“Vince, no one could’ve predicted she’d climb on the counter and fall off. She’s done it a million times. I’m sure she’ll do it again. That wasn’t your fault.” Then she stops for a second and stares into my eyes looking for some unknown answer to a question she has yet to ask. “Wait… why do you consider that selfish? Dumb luck, yes, but selfish? What does Jules’ accident have to do with you being selfish?”
Though it’s hard to admit, I manage to whisper, “I’ve been spending so much time with Syd.”
“Uh, last I checked, she’s your girlfriend. Of course you should spend time with her.”
“But that’s the point. I’d been off having the time of my life and when your world fell apart, I wasn’t there for you.”
“Uh…” She looks utterly confused. “When exactly did my world fall apart, Vin? Last I checked, Jules and I are doing fine. Sure, she has a mark that may be there for a while, but we aren’t falling apart. Is that why you’ve ended things with Sydney?”
Fuck, just the mention of her name makes my gut ache. I miss her so fucking much. Avoiding her has been the worst form of torture. But I need to get past this, if I’m able to do what’s best for her in the end.
Closing my eyes, I lean my head back into the couch. “She deserves better than me.”
Vanessa’s tone changes from concern to annoyance in an instant. “Vincent Daniel Larson—I love you more than life itself, butyouare an idiot.”
What the fuck? “Why?”
“You’re so in love with Sydney, it’s made you stupid.”
I blanch at her unexpected words.
Yes… I am stupid, but do I love her?
Fuck… without a doubt, I do. But that’s why I’m trying to let her go. If I can’t be the one she needs, then I need to let her go.
“What?” Vanessa points an accusing finger at my face. “What’s going on in that thick head of yours?”
“I do love her, Van. But I also love her enough to let her go. I can’t be the type of man she deserves. I can’t always put her first.”
Rubbing at the pain in my chest that never seems to end, I exhale heavily and allow myself to miss her as I stare at the floor beneath us.
Vanessa’s quiet for a moment, and when she’s been unusually quiet, I risk looking at my sister.
Unshed tears well behind her thick lashes, and her lip quivers.
Fuck, tears are always my undoing. It wrecks me to see her upset.
Vanessa’s voice is stronger than I expect after she takes in a slow breath. “I know you’ve made sacrifices to be here at CRU with Julia and me, but I’dneverwant to stand in the way of your happiness, Vin. You’ve always put us first. Is that why you don’t think you deserve to be with Sydney?”
How do I admit this and not make her feel worse than she does?
But knowing I can’t keep anything from her if I tried, I admit, “I don’t know. Maybe?”
Reaching out to squeeze my hand, she says, “Vince, you have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. I’m certain there’s room in there for you to love all three of us.”
“But I wasn’t there the day you and Julia needed me most,” I finally admit the guilt that had been crushing me for the better part of a week.
“God, you’re such a doofus. But I will always love you for it, Vin,” Vanessa says as she shakes her head in disapproval. “You may not have been here the second the incident happened, but you’ve been there for me when I’ve needed you most. Newsflash, Vince… kids have accidents. As much as we’d like to be there to prevent them, we’re not. From my understanding, kids can be accident prone as they gain their independence. All we can do is be there for them, to pick up the pieces. Was Mom or Dad there when you broke your arm at wrestling practice in middle school?”
“No, I was just with the team. What’s your point?”
Rolling her eyes, she sighs at my apparent idiocy. “I know deep down you know this, but I’ll spell it out for you. Accidents are just that… accidents. You can’t put us in protective bubble wrap and expect us to gain independence and fly on our own either. Mom and Dad didn’t do that for us, and I’m not about to do that to Julia.”
Then she cringes at some unknown thought. “You… uh…didn’t break up with Sydney, did you?”
Did I? No… but she’s likely to dump my ass the next time I see her. My chest tightens, and I rub at it in hopes of relieving the pain. But it’s no use. There’s a gaping hole where my heart belongs.
“Not technically,” I admit as I realize just how much of a dick I’ve been. “But I’ve really fucked up.”
