Page 95 of Vince
Sydney
Vince’s mouthforms a perfect O.
Shit, maybe he’s not ready for this?
I know I am but dammit, I never considered he’s been holding off because he doesn’t want us to go there.
“Or maybe not,” I backpedal, and I start to climb off him.
But he catches my wrists and clasps our hands together as he holds them against my chest.
“No… it’s… not what you’re thinking… I’m sure.”
Flippantly, I spout, “So, you aren’t avoiding having sex with me?”
Damn, I hate my sass in times like this.
I swear my thoughts roll off my tongue without even letting me have a chance of filtering them.
“I’m not avoiding you…” he rushes out but stops and looks to the ceiling as if he’s trying to gather his thoughts.
“I just didn’t think to buy condoms,” he whispers. His deep voice seems pained or filled with some emotion I can’t pinpoint.
“It’s okay, Vince,” I say, still trying to put some distance between us. “If you’re not ready to take things to the next level, I don’t want to pressure you.” But his grip remains firm.
Staring directly in my eyes, he sighs heavily. “It’s not that I’m not ready… I just… fuck… how do I say this without sounding like a complete tool…” He closes his eyes once again as his deep voice trails off.
I wait as he fights for the words he’s trying hard to find.
I’m not certain, but I’m sure there’s something else he’s not telling me.
When his eyes open, they find mine in an instant. “Sorry… it’s… uh, hard to have this conversation when you’re deliciously naked on top of me.”
“Uh, if you’d let me go, I could get off,” I point out the obvious as I pull at our hands.
Shaking his head as if I’ve missed the point, he mumbles, “No… I rather like you as you are…” He sucks in a deep breath, then continues, “Fuck… why is this so hard to say?” Then he looks me up and down and shakes his head as if he’s internally scolding himself for ogling me. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve never had a need to buy condoms… so I never thought about them.”
What the hell is he talking about?
“Need them?”
“Yeah,” he sighs heavily, and my entire body shifts with his effort. “I’ve never bought them before because it was my way of refraining from sex.”
“Vince… if you’re not ready, I completely understand.”
He releases one of his hands and drags it down his face. “Well… there’s a long story that goes with it… most you already know… but I’ve never let myself get close enough with a woman to want her the way I want you.”
What is he trying to say? I scrutinize his expression but come up empty-handed. “You’re not making any sense.”
Rolling his eyes, he looks again to the ceiling. After another long exhale, his eyes find mine. “After we found out about Jules and then the accident…” He trails off.
What the hell is he talking about? Panic sets in. Has something else happened I don’t know about?
“Calm down,” he says as he brushes my hair from my face. “Nothing bad has happened… It’s just… Van getting pregnant in high school… well… it was the ultimate birth control for me. I didn’t want to be with anyone in fear of being a teenage parent…” He takes in another breath before continuing, “Then after my parents… well… I knew I already had two people who needed me, I couldn’t afford to let someone else in. That is… until you came along…”
I think I’m following him, but I’m not prepared to make assumptions. “What do you mean?”
“First, you’re the first girl I’ve even considered having more with. You’re the first one I’ve let completely in and would even consider changing things for.”
