Page 104 of Damien
My mind’sbeen spinning all day. Thankfully, Damien’s given me space, and I’ve been able to process. I never in a million years expected Zach to reenter my life, especially with the way he abruptly left. But apparently, Dad had a big hand in it all. I wonder if Dad had been alive, would he have told me the full story someday.
I guess I’ll never know.
Seeing that tattoo of Julia’s birthday hit me harder than I expected. Hell, his entire backstory did. How could I date someone for so long andnotknow they lived in a group home? Either I was completely naïve, or he was good at hiding it. But that’s not the point, is it? I’m sure he had his reasons for not disclosing things. No wonder we spent so much time at my place.
I liked him, but I’d never say I was in love with him. When he left me right after we had sex for the first time, that stung and left deep scars. Now that I know the circumstances, those wounds I thought I’d dealt with will finally heal.
Damien’s been here all day, yet distant the same. At first, I was so lost in my head, I didn’t even notice. But as I sit beside him on the couch, I notice he’s not reaching for my hand or snuggling me like we usually would.
Sure, Jules is sprawled out on his other side, lying across his lap for a pillow. When she reaches for his hand and takes it, my chest tightens at his thoughtfulness. He loves Julia as much as he loves me, and I can’t imagine my world without him.
She doesn’t even make it thirty minutes into the movie she had chosen, but Damien and I have continued to sit here and watch the rest of it in silence, all the same. I’m not sure where his head is. Hell, I’m barely sure where mine’s been. But one thing is certain, before we sleep tonight, there are many things he needs to hear.
As the ending credits roll, Damien yawns. “I’m gonna put her in her room. Be right back.”
Damien had been sweet enough to rent a two-bedroom suite, so we’d have our space, and Jules would have hers. Thankfully, the living space is between each room, so we can have this much-needed talk—without interruptions.
“I’m gonna clean up our snacks, then we can head to bed,” I offer quietly.
Within a few minutes, we’re both in the bathroom brushing our teeth and getting ready for bed. I’ve been in my jammies since he returned from the store with more snacks than we’ll ever eat on this trip. While he changes into his sleep pants, I make use of the privacy in the bathroom.
When I enter our bedroom, I notice he’s shirtless and leaning against the headboard to the king-size bed. That act alone is sexy as sin, but when I look into his eyes, instead of need and sexual desire, I find them guarded and filled with worry. If it were any other night, I’d be climbing right onto that bed and having my way with him, but there’s an elephant in the room that needs to be addressed before either of us will relax.
“Hey,” I whisper as I make my way to my side of the bed.
“How are you holding up? You’ve had quite a day.” Of course, he worries about me and puts my needs first.
“I’m doing okay,” I admit. “It’s been a lot to think about, that’s for sure.”
“I can imagine.” Damien’s voice is laced with concern, and I’m sure a million questions are on his mind, yet he won’t voice them aloud if I’m not ready to talk just yet.
“I’ve learned some things that spun a different light on what I thought my reality was today. It’s truly been a lot to process, to say the least.”
Damien’s brows knit together, and his worry line forms above his nose. “What do you mean?”
Knowing I need to start at the beginning, I sigh. “Apparently, Zach got into some trouble while we were dating, and my dad helped him. I was none the wiser. I also had no idea he’d been in a group home and had been in the foster care system growing up. He was too proud to share that part of his life with me.”
“How did your dad help?”
“Well, I guess Zach was charged with a felony for possessions of stolen goods. He was able to work a plea deal, to roll on his friends, as well as who they worked for, and Dad helped him get off.”
Shit, I need to explain more.
“This all happened before we even conceived Jules. Dad made Zach promise to walk away from me if he helped. Once we found out I was pregnant, Dad and Zach thought it best if he stayed away in case any of the gang members wanted to retaliate. That’s why Zach signed over his rights as a parent. When Dad told me not to put his name on the birth certificate, I agreed because I was so pissed at the time. I wanted nothing to do with him.”
“Wow. That must’ve been hard to hear.”
“Not as hard as you’d think,” I admit. “I knew I liked Zach—the way anyone would with a high school crush, but when he slept with me, then essentially disappeared, I became jaded. At the time, I was more infatuated with him—than ever being in love with him, ya know. It was exciting to do things with your first real boyfriend and easy to let lines cross.”
“I can only imagine,” Damien says as he shakes his head. “I wasn’t in love with my first either, so I get what you’re saying.”
“I guess Dad sent him a pic on the day Julia was born—hence the tattoo. He never intended to be a deadbeat dad, but since our lives were at risk, he thought it best to keep his distance. Dad convinced him the only way he would get out of the system and break the cycle of poverty was to continue with his path to Annapolis—once he was declared innocent and the charges were dropped, of course. Apparently, when we started dating, Dad also helped secure his acceptance.
“Zach thought Dad was just keeping his distance when he no longer sent photos of Julia. He had no idea about the accident until years later—and by then, I’d moved, and he didn’t want to interrupt my life.”
Damien’s voice is laced with concern when he asks, “How does that make you feel?”
“Honestly, I have no idea how I would’ve felt. I was working so hard to just get through the day and be the best mom I could be to Jules, I’m not sure I would’ve accepted his story back then.”
