Page 41 of Damien
“Take all the time you need,” I offer. When I pull my hand away, she reaches out to keep it in place. So, I do the only thing I can. I hold her hand and hope she’ll let me in on what’s bothering her when she’s ready.
True to her word, a few minutes later, she looks to me with a smile. “Sorry about that. I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer. It came out of nowhere… just as it usually does.” Sucking in a deep breath, she squeezes my hand. “I’m okay. Honest.”
Curiosity gets the better of me, so I ask, “Does this have something to do with Julia?”
Instantly, she shakes her head. “No. He loved Jules. From the moment he found out about her…” She lets out a low laugh. “Well… maybe not his initial reaction. No, that was at best—an over-protective father freak-out… But he was quick to come around. No… there was… an accident… and…” she trails off.
My heart sinks, and my stomach plummets.
Holy shit. He died.
Squeezing her hand, I stop her from saying the words. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”
Vanessa’s eyes whip to mine, and the unexpected fierceness catches me off guard. “Please understand grief is hard and hits me at the most inopportune times. But Iamgetting through this. I have to. Curling up in a ball and giving up has never been an option. I was thinking happy thoughts when it hit just now… honest. I’d been thinking about the first time he took me to the field. I was barely big enough to hold a bat, and he’d taken me to the game in Seattle. It was the first time I’d ever realized baseball was a sport. My dad was so eager to show Vinny and me all about it.”
“I can imagine.” My dad had been the same way when he took our family to the football stadium.
Before I can say anything, she continues, “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss ‘em. My dad would be so proud of what I’ve become. Do I wish he were here to see this? Of course, but he isn’t.”
“If it’s difficult for you to be here, we can leave,” I offer, trying to give her a way out.
“Absolutely not,” she says in a tone that distinctly reminds me of my mother. “I’m not a basket case. I’m just reminded of ‘em at the most random of times. Dad would be pissed if I stopped doing what I love just because I feel sad and miss him.” She shakes her head, and her eyes soften as if she’s trying to comfort me. “Someday, I’ll tell you the full story—I’d rather not get into the whole thing now in such a public place.”
“Only when you’re ready,” I suggest. As much as I’d like to know the details so I can support her in any way that I can, I know she has to tell me on her time, and not a minute sooner.
When the players are announced, I’m caught off guard. Vanessa suddenly stands and whistles louder than anyone I’ve ever heard, by sticking two fingers between her teeth as she cheers on the home team.
Holy shit. I’m glad she’s closer to home plate than me!
As the anthem is sung, I watch from the corner of my eye as Vanessa sings along under her breath. Then she cheers with the crowd as the game begins, eager for things to get underway.
I swear, if I hadn’t seen her reaction to the field just a few moments ago, I wouldn’t have ever known what she’s been through. I stare at her in awe.
Not only was she a teen mom, but to lose a parent at such a young age? If it had been me, I would’ve probably gone off the deep end and have been derailed from my plans of becoming an engineer. But no—here she is working almost full time, taking a full load of classes, and being the best mom possible to Julia. One thing is certain. Vanessa’s one hell of a woman. The more I learn, the more intriguing she is.
By the time we’re in the fourth inning, Vanessa and I have finished the hot dogs and beer I ordered. We’ve kept a playful banter with the fans around us, but most importantly, Vanessa is at ease with the stadium again. She cackles at the ump for bad plays and whistles when our team does something well. If it were socially acceptable, I’d spend the game watching her—and I’d be thoroughly entertained.
At the bottom of the sixth inning, right as our team takes the lead, Vanessa gets a call. Knowing it’s her brother, she accepts it as she presses one finger to her ear to hear him.
Instantly, her playful expression turns serious.
“What? Give me a sec. I need to get to where I can hear you better.” I hear over the crowd. She starts for the stairs and when I start to follow, she shakes her head and points a finger at me to wait here.
Once she’s assured I’m staying put, she pivots and ascends the stairs two at a time. I watch her disappear, but there’s no way in hell I feel comfortable with this. It takes everything I have to follow her wishes. I have no idea what she’s told her brother about today, but since Julia’s with him, I hope nothing’s wrong.
After giving Vanessa almost five minutes of privacy, my nerves can’t take it anymore. I gather our hoodies and climb the stairs to find her. Maybe she just had to go to the bathroom while she’s out there—and I’m overreacting. Or maybe my gut is right. Either way, if we need to leave, we’ll be closer to the exit when I find out.
When I get to the concourse, Vanessa’s leaning her shoulder to the wall. One hand covers one ear as she talks into the phone. Even from behind, I can tell she’s disagreeing with whatever is being said because her head shakes often.
Finally, I hear part of her conversation. “Are you sure?” she asks hesitantly. Then sighs heavily. “But….”
“Will you let me know the second you find out?” she pleads.
“I know… I know. Iamenjoying the game, Vin, but I can meet you if you need me.”
To keep from startling her, I walk in front of her and wait for her to fill me in on what’s going on. When her eyes meet mine, regret fills her features, and I know in that instant, I’ll do whatever it takes to fix things.
She squeezes her eyes shut as she shakes her head. “I know… I know. I understand. Promise you’ll call the minute you know anything.”
