Page 106 of Finding Jacob
“I need to hold my baby,” Jacob said.
He walked to the front door and the limp was very noticeable. I expected it would be worse if he was tired. He rested his cane against one of the pillars and Sadie handed him Paloma. She was reluctant at first, she’d never met him before. But she stared at him. She reached forward to touch his face, his cheek, and then she allowed him to hold her.
He didn’t speak, but he let tears flow freely as he stared at her. She smiled, and if I believed in such a thing, I’d say she recognised herself in him. She gurgled and wriggled, waved her fists, and kicked her legs. Jacob laughed.
“Daddy’s home,” he whispered.
I took Paloma from him so we could walk into the house. We were followed by the nurse, who carried a couple of cases. He placed them on the floor in the hallway.
“Anthony, this is my family. You’ve met Nathan, this is my baby, Paloma, and my wife, Anna. Well, I say wife...” Anthony shook our hands. He was then introduced to Sadie and Bill. “I need Anthony to stay a little, while I adjust to a different surrounding, is that okay?”
I detected a hesitancy in his voice. “Of course it’s okay! Let’s all just sit for a while,” I replied, actually not knowing what to do for the best. I didn’t want to just stand around.
We walked slowly to the snug, the click of Jacob’s cane on the tiled floor making it obvious he was using an aid.
“I reckon we should decorate that thing,” Nathan said, taking the offered cane from Jacob as he sat.
“Yeah, in what way?” Jacob replied.
“I don’t know, paint it pink?”
“No fucking way,” Jacob replied. “It’s bad enough having to use it.”
“Well, I’ll do it anyway, it’s not like you can run after me to stop me, is it?”
I held my breath. Suddenly, Jacob laughed, a real belly laugh, Nathan joined in. I breathed a sigh of relief.
“I can still hurl it at you,” Jacob said.
That second, that comment made things right. The banter they enjoyed before was back. I wanted to hug Nathan for doing that. He was the most selfless man I’d ever known. He was making sure things were right again, even if that’s not what his heart wanted. He was doing it for us all, I believed.
“Good to have you back, Son, but those carrots won’t pick themselves,” Bill said, and touched the corner of his eye with his handkerchief. He nodded and then left us.
“I’ll put the kettle on,” Sadie said, scuttling after him. It was obvious they were trying to give us some space. “Anthony, let me show you to your room,” she added.
And then there were just the four of us.
“Can I hold her again?” Jacob asked.
I placed Paloma on his lap and, as before, she looked up at him.
“She’s beautiful,” he whispered. “Where do we start?” he asked, looking at me.
“Let’s just take it slow, huh? You tell us, when you’re ready, all that you want to. There’s no rush.”
I was busting to know what had happened the past few months, but I knew it wouldn’t be blurted out in one session.
“I told Nathan I wasn’t coming back, and I asked him to look after you. He... Well, you know, I’m sure.” Jacob looked between me and Nathan. “I thought I was doing the right thing, back then. Letting you go. They’d told me I might not walk again, and I couldn’t bear the thought of being a burden, of having you give up your life to care for me.”
“You should have said, and not made that decision for me,” I replied gently.
“I have a lot of talking to do, of explaining. I know that. I can’t do it all in one go. I get fucking tired easily, and I get these headaches, they put me on my back sometimes.”
“I think we all have some catching up to do. Right now, though, it should be you two.” Nathan stood, and I didn’t want him to leave.
“Will you come back later?” I asked him, not wanting him to feel like he had to leave.
He nodded. “Well, I do sort of live here now as well,” he replied, laughing.
