Page 64 of Finding Jacob
It was fun to listen to them, I loved their friendship that extended way back before I realised.
“If you were born in Spain, how did you get into the army?” I asked.
Nathan snorted. “Army will take anyone as long as you’re living in the UK. He has dual nationality,” he said.
I looked to Jacob. “Grandparents were English,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “Never knew them myself.”
“And he’s too pussy to sign for the Spanish army,” Nathan jested. Jacob laughed, rolled his eyes, and clapped his friend on the back.
“And now you still work together,” I said, getting carried along with their openness.
“Yep, sometimes,” Nathan said, and that was as much as I was getting.
They changed the subject, talking about a rugby match they’d seen recently. I wasn’t interested in sports, but I was interested in sitting back and watching them. I curled my feet under me on the plush chair and sipped my beer. Occasionally, both Jacob and Nathan would look over to me, include me in their chat but I was content just to listen.
I think it was the first time I’d really seen Jacob at ease, relaxed, and casual. He was a man of many personalities, I was sure. Many personas.
A couple of hours later, I excused myself. I wanted to give them time on their own, and I wanted to get an early night. It was dark when Jacob joined me. I half woke as he climbed under the duvet and wrapped an arm around me. He snuggled into my back and kissed my shoulder. I reached behind me, placing my hand on his hip before settling back down again.
Just as I was about to fall into a deep sleep, I heard his whisper.
“I love you too,” he said.
I slipped on a black dress, it clung to my body and my bump was prominent. I placed my feet in high heels and ran my lipstick over my lips one last time. I was ready.
Jacob stood in the bedroom dressed in a black suit with a crisp white shirt and black tie. He stared at me. “Do you know how beautiful you are?”
“Even with red eyes and a snotty nose?”
I guessed there had been enough distraction between finding out Jules had died by suicide and the funeral to stop me breaking down. The previous evening, however, the floodgates opened. It had been the end of a perfect weekend at Jacob’s house and before I could tell him I wanted to move in with him, something hit me hard in the chest. It was a memory, a crushing one.
I’d remembered a day when Jules had come to visit. She was haggard and withdrawn. Her pale features made the dark purple rings under her eyes stand out. She’d said she was tired, nothing more. But when we changed into swimwear, I saw the bruising to her backside. It was that day my sister and I had discovered she was being abused. We were children, she’d sworn us to secrecy, we’d all be killed if we told. And we did. We kept it a secret for far too long. I’d wondered if we’d spoken up then, would she still be alive?
I cried for most of the night, and it wasn’t pretty. Jacob had held me, refusing to allow me to go home and be alone, as was the original plan. Instead, he asked Nathan to fetch my outfit for me. I’d already selected what I was wearing and hung it on my bedroom door. Although the footwear choice had been his. Through my tears, I’d laughed at the killer heels.
That morning, however, I wasn’t laughing. I took Jacob’s hand and we walked downstairs together. The chef I’d met before was in the kitchen and had prepared a light breakfast of scrambled eggs on muffins. Jacob ate and drank his coffee. I could only manage a couple of biscuits with my tea.
He would smile at me as I sipped my tea but mostly left me to my own thoughts. When it was time to go, he took my hand. Outside, we met Nathan who had driven over and was leaning against the Bentley chatting to the driver. He climbed in the front, Jacob and I, in the back.
I stared out of the window for the journey back to London, sipped from a bottle of water Jacob had handed me and clutched my packet of tissues.
I must have dozed off, still exhausted from the previous evening, and only woke when we bumped along a cobbled road to the small church for the service. Jules was being cremated, as were her wishes, apparently. But her parents wanted a service in the church she had been baptised in before heading for the crematorium. The church was family and close friends only and had been kept a secret for fear of paparazzi intrusion. That was expected at the crematorium and there wasn’t much her parents could do about it.
The driver dropped us off before leaving to find a parking spot and we stood, waiting for Jules to arrive. I spoke to a couple of people I knew, the rest were distant family, I believed. Jules’s parents, brother, and sister-in-law would be arriving in the limo, and it wasn’t long before that her coffin arrived.
Hannah came over and hugged me. She held on to my upper arms as she thanked me for coming. Her grief was obvious, her voice hoarse as if she’d been constantly crying for a long time. She greeted both Jacob and Nathan before moving to other members of the family.
“Thank you for coming,” I heard. I turned to see Jules’s brother and his wife.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice hitching, and not really knowing what else to say.
“Mum said you’d be here. How are you? Jules told me you were expecting.” Years ago, before Harry, Jules had told me that her brother had athingfor me. I didn’t believe her, and he’d never made a move on me.
“I’m well, thank you,” I replied, but there seemed to be an awkwardness.
We weren’t natural around each other, and I guessed it was because I hadn’t seen him for many years. I introduced Nathan and Jacob and he introduced his wife. She had a very heavy French accent. It was clear by the fact that he spoke in French to her that her English wasn’t very good. I snuck a look at Nathan. She couldn’t have been the caller.
We sat through the service and listened to her father talk about his daughter. He avoided any form of eye contact, and I got the feeling something wasn’t right. He was detached, how he spoke was as if he didn’t know her. There was nothing personal, no childhood memories, it was as if he was just reading from a list that had been provided to him. No feeling. I would have expected, as her father, he would have broken down, but he didn’t. I found it strange.
