Page 92 of Finding Jacob
“I don’t think that’s in any doubt. It’s because he loves you that he’s setting you free, so he thinks.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“I know that, you know that. He can’t see that right now.”
He tightened his grip on me and I sighed. “When I see him next, I’m going to punch him for all this.”
I felt Nathan chuckle as I settled back into sleep.
It was a knocking on the door that woke me the second time. I opened my eyes to see Nathan had left. I hadn’t felt or heard him leave and I felt sad and alone. I climbed from the bed and opened the door, knowing I must look absolutely shocking. Dory stood there holding two coffees.
“Nathan called,” she said striding in. “You need to shower and change those clothes. You look like you slept in them. Then we plan.”
“I did sleep in them. Plan what Dory? He doesn’t want me anymore,” I replied, the bitterness left an aftertaste in my mouth.
“He doesn’t know what the fuck he wants right now. So we give him space. Go shower, Paloma needs you and I doubt you’ll be germ free right now.” She wrinkled her nose at me.
I shook my head and grabbed my toiletry bag. The bathroom was down the hall, and although shared, was regularly cleaned. I locked the door, stripped, and took a quick shower. I struggled on leggings and a long T-shirt, bunched my hair into a messy bun on top of my head and cleaned my teeth. I couldn’t remember when I had done that last.
Back in the room, Dory was packing my case. “I have a wonderful flat for you, not far from here.”
“I need to see Paloma before I leave.”
“Of course. You go and I’ll sort this lot out.” She was trying to decide what was clean and what was dirty. It was all in a mess in the corner of the room.
I sat on the bed and closed my eyes. I needed to think. I couldn’t just accept what Nathan had told me. I needed to hear it from Jacob.
“Dory, text me the address of the flat. I can’t sit here and not know what he meant; I have to hear it from him.” She started to speak. “Please, just do this for me?”
I ran from the hospital and hailed a taxi. I was heading to King’s College Hospital and to Jacob. If he didn’t want me to visit, it was up to him to tell me, not chicken out and ask Nathan to. That wasn’t like Jacob at all.
I threw some money at the driver and left the taxi, taking the stairs two at a time until I arrived, totally out of breath, outside the ward and in such pain from my wound. I pressed for access and introduced myself over the intercom. A nurse, one I’d met on my visit, came to the door.
“Jacob isn’t here, Anna,” she said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“He’s gone to a rehab centre, left this morning. Didn’t anyone tell you?” She started to look uncomfortable.
“Maybe, my brain is all over the place. Do you have the address?”
“I’m not sure... Wait here.” She closed the door, and I heard the click of the lock.
I watched her through the glass panel in the door. She talked to someone sitting behind the desk who looked over to me. I saw the shake of her head before the nurse returned.
“I’m sorry, but we can’t give over the details.” She looked terribly embarrassed.
“I don’t understand, why not?”
“We’re not allowed to. It’s patient confidentiality.”
I stared at her and her cheeks reddened. They’d obviously been told not to tell me, I’d cleared the ‘I am his partner and allowed to see him’ security when he first came in.
“I’m sorry,” she added.
I smiled and turned away, unable to speak for fear of breaking down. I walked down to the coffee shop and sat; my vision was blurred with tears.
I simply didn’t understand what he’d done.
