Page 38 of What's the time, Mr. Wolfe
“Yes, I took Spanish at school. I’m hoping to move there and become a language teacher. I’m just doing this before uni starts.”
I smiled. “That’s nice. It’s a lovely country.”
“Do you miss it?”
I paused.Did I?
“I miss elements of it,” I said, which was true.
I didn’t miss the drugs and drink. The parties and orgies.
I didn’t miss the lack of love and attention from my parents.
I didn’t miss the moving around, sometimes in the dead of night because rent hadn’t been paid.
I did miss the house that my grandma eventually bought, so I had a place to settle.
The carer left when Tim arrived, her shift over.
“This was all a little rushed, so we didn’t confirm a proper care plan with you,” he said. “Perhaps we could do that now?”
I nodded and offered him a coffee. He sat at the kitchen table with a bunch of forms.
“Before we do anything, I have to know how much this is going to cost. I start work on Monday, but I’ll be paid monthly,” I said.
“The fee has been taken care of. I assumed you were aware of that?”
I tried to keep my face neutral. “I wasn’t sure.”
“We’ve been asked to give you as much cover as you require. The invoice is sent to Mr. Wolfe’s secretary.”
“Okay. So how do we go about this?”
We detailed my working hours, and I scheduled in the times that Monica would be sitting with Grandma. At first, I declined any help in the evenings, but after Tim pressed the matter, I agreed to three nights per week and then any emergency cover as needed. As Tim had said, I might have to work late sometimes. I might just want a night out with my new work colleagues. I chuckled at that one, knowing it to be highly unlikely.
I signed the documents and kept a copy. I had a huge file of documents about Grandma, and I added it to that.
When Tim had left, I just sat for a while. Grandma dozed in her chair, and I turned the television down so as not to disturb her.
I contemplated texting Sebastian a thank you, but that would break the ‘no contact’ rule I’d put on myself. I’d email instead, it felt more distant.
Hi, I just wanted to say that Tim came today, and we sorted the contract. I don’t expect you to cover the cost. Once I’m working, I should be able to do that. Perhaps we can make arrangements that I pay you back?
I’d pressed send before I read it back. I hadn’t meant to leave the email on a question, encouraging a response... Or had I?
I closed the laptop lid and left it on the table.
Back upstairs, I prepared my outfit for the Monday. I’dwear the trousers and blue shirt I’d gotten from the charity shop. I still had some money left over from selling the dresses and wondered if I ought to add another pair of trousers. I felt bad for getting caught up in the clothes shopping moment and then asking Sebastian to return the items. Maybe I should have brought them home to return myself. Although he’d paid on a card, so I’d need that for a refund, anyway. It had been pretty irresponsible of me, I thought. And irresponsible wasn’t what I did, generally.
I cleaned the shoes, disinfected the inside and left them on the kitchen table to dry off. I chuckled. Grandma would curse me for leaving shoes on a table, something to do with bad luck she’d say. I’d often reply that my luck couldn’t get any worse.
That night I had a terrible nightmare. I was in the woods, and I was lost. It was dark and I couldn’t see. My eyes hadn’t adjusted to the lack of light. I was trying to feel my way around. I would hear a chuckle, his voice gently calling me, but I knew it wasn’t because he wanted me. Or maybe he did, but it was scary. I tried to run, and I’d bump into trees, fall over bushes. I could see my house in the middle, the one I’d drawn, but I never seemed to get there. Nothing I did got me closer to the house. His voice would bounce around, echo, sometimes close, sometimes far away. I couldn’t determine if I was running to or from him. I was both terrified and aroused in mydream. I wanted to get to him, knowing he would likely kill me, but hoping he’d fuck me instead.
I woke, startled, out of breath, and with the sheets tangled around my body. I kicked them off and lay still, taking in deep breaths to stop my hands from shaking.
“Shit,” I whispered, finally.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and shivered. I wanted to splash some cold water on my face, but the chill in the room had already cooled my skin. I placed my hand on a radiator and felt the coldness, perhaps the heating had gone off? It shouldn’t have been that cold.
