Page 1 of The Facilitator: Part 3
Chapter One
I watched her sleep, her hair fanned out around her face and her cheeks were still colored from her earlier orgasms. I quietly climbed from the bed and pulled on my jeans. I left the bedroom and padded downstairs, needing a coffee to settle my mind.
Lauren thought I hadn’t seen it. She’d tried to disguise the flash of pain that crossed her face when Gabriella had held Dominic to the screen so we could meet our hours-old godchild. Alex had been beaming, his cheeks tearstained and Gabriella looked wretched. She’d laughed when I pointed that out.
As much as Lauren hadn’t been able to disguise her pain, I had successfully concealed mine. I hadn’t thought it would affect me as much as it had. I believed, since early adulthood, I had reconciled the fact that I’dnever be a father. I’d even gone as far as to convince myself I never wanted children. I’d managed to keep that belief for all these years.
So what had changed?
Lauren came into my life and Gabriella had a baby.
I opened my laptop and checked my emails, there wasn’t anything new, and my irritation grew. I needed to learn to be patient, so Lauren often told me, and I was trying. I wanted answers I knew were never going to be instantly available. I had to wait, and waiting wasn’t my thing.
I sipped on the shot of espresso, mildly diluted with a splash of cold water since it was still early hours of the morning. The strong nectar soothed my agitation but did nothing to quell the racing heart. I drank way too much coffee, I knew, and my only concession was to add some water.
Lauren and I had been back to the US, she had wanted to be there for the birth of Dominic, but Gabriella, being Gabriella, had cooked that little man longer than she should have. Lauren’s brother had been hospitalized and Gabriella had insisted we return. As luck would have it, we had been on UK soil for no more than an hour when Alex called to say she had been in labor for most of thetime we’d been in the air. It had been an anxious wait until the Skype call came through and we were presented to our godchild.
From the moment we’d discovered Gabriella’s pregnancy, my mind had been a whirl. Not that I would tell anyone, especially Lauren, but something had started to niggle in my mind. I had an unexpected and unwanted feeling of not being complete; of being the last Mackenzie Miller. I had my sister, of course, and the relationship we had developed had been amazing. It was good to know the family genes wouldn’t end with me but they’d never go any further, for either of us.
It was like a kick to the gut and it paralyzed me emotionally.
I’d stood in the kitchen and watched the moon cast a glow over the small garden. The sounds of London weren’t as loud, but still constant throughout the night. Our time in South Carolina had spoiled us both and I craved some space and quiet. I longed for the sound of the sea and the sand beneath my feet. I desired more and more the lessening of the tight shoulders and tension. I chuckled.
“Fuck, I’m getting old,” I said to myself.
I pulled myself up straight; in just a few hours we would drive down to Cornwall to spend some time with Lauren’s mother and worry over Sebastian. I’d spoken to Lauren’s mom and then researched, it seemed to me thatthe news from the consultant they were meeting wasn’t going to be what they wanted to hear.
Lauren was full of hope; she was a rose-tinted glasses person of late. She wanted to see the positive and ignore the possibility her brother wasn’t returning home. I wished I could have shared her optimism, but I was the kind to prepare for the worst and anything over that was a bonus. It had served me well over the years.
The fact we hadn’t left the airport and driven straight to Cornwall suggested she was hiding her fears. She had insisted we head home to sleep before setting off in the morning. Whatever she wanted was fine by me.
I heard a birdsong in the garden and the darkness had lightened a little. Dawn was approaching and I rubbed my eyes as tiredness consumed me. I checked my watch. I guessed I had the chance of an hour’s sleep before Lauren would be awake. I placed my cup in the sink and padded gently up the stairs, trying to avoid all the creaks. I wasn’t sure why I bothered; Lauren could sleep the sleep of the dead most nights. I chuckled quietly as I entered the bedroom.
She lay on her stomach, the sheet pushed low. One arm was under her pillow and the other had reached out to find me, I assumed. I lifted that arm and lay beside her. She stirred a little, shifted to change position, and sidled up to me. Her soft breaths on the side of my neckcaused my stomach to tighten and I could feel my cock start to harden.
Lauren affected me way more than any other woman ever had. Just being in her presence was enough to arouse me. Her dirty mouth could bring me to an orgasm. The best part about Lauren? She was completely unaware of the effect she had, not just on me, but also to most of the men around her. There was an aloofness that presented a challenge, or at least it had for me.
I lay thinking back to the night I’d met her. I’d watched her enter the bar and I heard the sigh as she took a stool. She sipped her drink and although she looked into the mirrored backbar, she wasn’t taking in her surroundings or the men who watched her. She was oblivious. She moved so contained, like a cat coiled tight, ready to defend or spring. It was that I was attracted to initially. I wanted tounwrap that containmentand delve beyond it.
I was more intrigued after I’d joined her and we chatted. It hadn’t been my intention to bed her, in fact, it had been her suggestion, and, of course, I wasn’t going to turn down the offer. I admired her for that. When I fucked her, however, something changed. I had a sense of being home, of being at one with someone. It wasn’t a pussy, a body underneath me. It was a woman I haddecided there and then I wanted to spend time with, a woman I wanted to explore.
Even though we were married, even though we had already gone through some trials in the short time we’d been together, I still got that pang of want whenever I was near her. I disliked the vulnerability I felt, obviously, but I loved how empowered she had become. I would presume it too arrogant to suggest I hadmade her. Lauren had been in a cocoon for so long, to see her emerge, spread her wings, and become my queen blew my mind. So much so, I was beginning to struggle to believe I actually would be enough for her. I couldn’t give her the one thing that would, I thought, complete her life.
That is what kept me awake at night. That is what hid behind the fake smile and laughter. That is what I was determined to resolve.
Chapter Two
I felt lips gently caress the side of my mouth. I smelled coffee. I smiled. As I opened my eyes, Lauren stood by the side of the bed in a gray pin-striped skirt and a white tailored shirt. I rolled to my side, placing my hand on her outer thigh.
“Good morning,” she said standing upright. “I brought you coffee.”
I shuffled up the bed and reached for my coffee. I took a sip as Lauren sat on the edge of the bed.
“Mackenzie, if there was something wrong, you would tell me, wouldn’t you?” she asked, her brow was furrowed in question.
“Of course, why do you ask?” I sipped the hot coffee and winced as it burned my lip.
She cocked her head to one side. “Because you’vebeen up half the night, and that’s becoming a regular thing. I worry about you.” She reached out to hold my hand.
