Page 54 of Jackson
“What the hell!” she yelled. “Luck had nothing to do with it. I’m a damn good cop, Jackson. I knew what I was doing!”
“You were lucky, Paula! It was a reckless stunt! You don’t walk in on something like that without any backup! You keep a perfectly good bulletproof vest in your car and didn’t bother to put it on, even though you knew the perps were armed!” Jackson started pacing, still running his hand through his hair.
She’d never seen him this agitated and frustrated. Had she done this to him? Her anger faded as she considered the events from his point of view. She had been impulsive. The robbery could have gone differently if the perps had been experienced. He was right about the vest, too. Why hadn’t she taken the time to put it on? And yes, she should have done the shopping before. What did this mean for them? He said the punishment wiped the slate clean, but she didn’t feel any better, and he was still upset.
Why would he want a relationship with her? She was too old for him, too focused on work, too self-centered to ever be a good submissive. Why had she agreed to try? This was the proof she needed that she wasn’t fit for any kind of serious relationship.
“What are you doing?”
Jackson’s question made her realize she was fumbling with the clasp of the delicate collar he’d placed around her neck less than two months ago. She would not cry! She wouldn’t!
With jerky movements, Paula unclasped the symbol of their bond and placed it on the table. “This won’t work, Jackson. I’m going. It—It’s better this way.”
Paula started to walk away. Jackson gulped in an audible breath, and she couldn’t look at him. If she did, she would cave and fall to her knees and beg for forgiveness. She couldn’t stay. She wasn’t sorry for what she had done, and she would probably do the same thing the next time. She would keep disappointing him until he would only look at her with contempt. She squared her shoulders with resolve. Maybe if she told herself often enough this was for the best, she would start to believe it. She made it to the entryway, dressed and was out the door. She managed to hold back her tears until she reached her car.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
The cheerful Christmas lights did nothing to brighten Paula’s mood. She braced herself as she waited with Derek Kiriakis at James and Laura’s front door.Fuck! Sometimes she hated this job.She glanced over at the social worker, who looked as miserable as she felt.
The door opened, and Laura appeared in the doorway. “Paula, what a pleasant—” Her smile of recognition died with her greeting, “Derek? If you’re here together, something must be wrong. What’s happened? Did the judge change his mind about Josh’s probation?” Laura brought her hand to her chest, and tears started to form in her eyes. Her breathing became erratic.
Before Paula could do anything, Derek stepped past her and into Laura’s personal space. “Laura, look at me.” His quiet but authoritative voice pulled at something inside Paula, and her friend responded to it, too. Derek said, “Take a deep breath. That’s a good girl. Let it out slowly. That’s it. Again.” Paula watched in awe as Derek managed to calm Laura down. “Okay, let’s go inside. Is James home?” Laura nodded. “Good. We need to see all three of you.”
Derek turned halfway toward Paula, and his gaze collided with hers. Come to think of it, she might have seen him at ClubIndigo. Which could mean the man was submissive but damn… if this guy wasn’t a Dom, she’d eat her badge for breakfast.Damn the man for reminding her of Jackson!Well, if he could prevent Laura from breaking down, she couldn’t hate him for it. Time to get to the heart of their visit. “Hello, Laura. We have news about Josh’s mother. May we come inside?”
Laura nodded and said weakly, “Yes, yes. Of course. Sorry.” She stepped aside and allowed them both to enter. “Follow me. James and Josh are cleaning up after dinner.”
Paula followed her friend down the hall and into the open-plan living space with its kitchen. James turned, and his smile faltered. He placed a hand on Josh’s arm. “I think we’ll leave the cleaning for now, son.”
Aside from the enormity of the situation, Paula felt a spike of happiness when she saw the way Josh looked at James with so much trust. Then his focus went over to the visitors, and he scowled their way. Paula couldn’t fault him for that. She and Derek had never brought anything pleasant for the boy. Today would not change that.
Paula cleared her throat and did what had to be done. “There’s no easy way to say it, Josh. Your mother overdosed this afternoon. Attempts to resuscitate her failed. I’m very sorry.”
Josh stared at her with big unblinking eyes. “Are you saying my mom d—died?” James slid a supportive arm around the boy’s shoulder, and Josh leaned into James’ big body.
Paula glanced over at Laura, whose tears now ran down her cheeks. “Yes, Josh. I’m sorry.”
He swallowed hard and looked over to Laura with tear-filled eyes. He held out a hand to her and Laura moved forward to comfort him. “I-I loved her, you know,” Josh whispered. “Despite everything. She— She was my mom.” He turned and buried his face in James’ chest, but he clung to Laura’s hand. James used his free arm to pull Laura closer, and they stoodtogether for a long time with Josh’s shoulders shaking in silent cries, Laura’s sobs audible, and James murmuring endearments. Paula and Derek were forgotten for the moment.
Paula felt Derek come close. “Let’s give them a bit of time to come to terms. Do you know your way around their kitchen? Water and tea will be welcome in a moment, I think.”
Paula nodded. That was an excellent idea.
While Paula pulled a water pitcher from the fridge, collected mugs and glasses, and started the electric kettle, Derek finished cleaning the kitchen. Paula couldn’t help but study him as he worked. There was something about him that reminded her of Jackson and James, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. He was definitely a Dom, but somehow different.
Then she remembered Sonja calling him herDaddy.
Duh-uh—the man is a Daddy Dom. Sometimes, I can be really slow-witted for a detective!
She started as James cleared his throat behind them, and she tore her gaze from Derek.
She forced a smile and held up the kettle in invitation. James nodded and guided his family to the kitchen table like a shepherd herding his flock. Both Laura and Josh had red-rimmed eyes, but they looked more relaxed now.
“What happened?” Josh wanted to know. “She was okay when I visited her last week. You said she overdosed. Where would she get drugs in jail?”
Derek helped Paula carry over the tea tray. She had found blueberry muffins in a paper bag from The Sweet and Savory Table and handed out paper napkins while answering Josh’s question. “It looks like that. She was found unconscious in her cell with a needle still in her arm. They’ll be doing a full autopsy tomorrow afternoon, but the toxicology report will take a while. The jail is investigating how the drugs got inside, but I’mafraid it will be hard to find evidence. Smuggling is an ongoing problem.”
Derek poured tea, and the table fell silent for a moment as each took time to add milk or lemon and sugar. All that could be heard was the clinking of spoons against ceramic cups.
