Page 84 of Jackson
Paula sighed. “You’re right, and I’m not doing very well.”
“From what I can tell, Jackson is healing quite nicely, so that’s not the problem. How are things between the two of you?”
Paula closed her eyes and decided to go for it. “It’s not the two of us that’s the problem, it’s me.”
Kate’s eyes widened, but when Paula didn’t elaborate on her statement she urged, “Why is that?”
“I just don’t get why Jackson would want to be with me.” Paula really didn’t understand. “He’s perfect, and I’m a complete failure. I can’t cook, I suck at cleaning, I leave a mess everywhere I go, and I’m eight years older than he is.”
“You’re also a competent and decorated policewoman, a great and loyal friend, and a beautiful submissive, dear,” Kate said.
Paula shook her head. “You don’t get it. Jackson spent so much time helping me organize my house, and it’s turning into a disaster again. He’s so tidy and organized, and I’m— I’m just not.”
“So?” Kate shrugged like it was nothing.
Paula glared at her. “Don’t you see the problem?”
“From where I stand, I see a woman who has serious self-doubt. It must be personal, because I know you’re doing fine in a professional capacity. Why do you think that is?”
Paula opened her mouth to answer, closed it again, and slumped back into her chair. “Are you a psychologist in your spare time? Only shrinks ask questions like ‘why do you think that is?’”
“No, dear, but when you work hard at communicating with submissives, some of whom are new to BDSM, you learn howto listen and how to ask questions. So, back to the point. Why do you think you lack confidence in your relationship with Jackson?”
“I— I don’t know. It’s just every relationship I’ve ever had was a disaster.”
Kate leaned forward. “How supportive were your parents? How about siblings?”
Paula huffed a laugh. “I was a constant disappointment to my parents. I don’t know if they wanted me in the first place. I don’t have any siblings. Don’t get me started on my cousins.”
“What about them?” Kate looked intrigued, so Paula started to explain about being her grandmother’s favorite, and her cousins hadn’t liked it at all. Then, when her grandmother died and left the house and the bulk of her estate to Paula and only token amounts to her other grandchildren, she had become persona non grata at all family functions.
“Not that I ever really liked going to the holiday dinners and such anyway. I loved spending time with Granny, but I never expected her to do what she did. And I have this white elephant of a house to boot.”
“It sounds like one member of your family cared for you. Why do you put so much emphasis on the rest of your family relationships?” Kate leaned forward, her elbows on the table.
“Granny is long gone, and the rest of them are still around. I run into my cousin Tiffany once in a while, and she always manages to find a way to tell me how terrible my life is compared to hers.”
“So, basically, you heard your entire life how bad you are at things, how your decisions are all wrong, and finally your grandmother caused a rift in the family you get blamed for?” Kate concluded.
Paula shrugged. Yeah, that about summed it up.
“Don’t you think that might have twisted the way you view yourself?”
“Well, maybe.” Paula wasn’t giving up on her ideas that easily. “But I’m still a mess.”
“I don’t accept your premise, Paula. As I said before, you’re an outstanding detective, a wonderful person, and your submission to Jackson is a joy to behold.”
Could Kate be right? “I never thought about it that way.”
“Girl, you have to get those warped ideas out of your mind. Now, give me a hug and go talk to that man of yours. I’ve got to get going.” Paula got another of those Domme looks. “Promise me.”
A smile tugged at her lips, “Yes, Mistress.” She stood to give Kate her hug.
Kate’s hug was firm and steady like the woman herself. The embrace was filled with a quiet reassurance Paula hadn’t known she needed until now. For a moment, she let herself sink into the strength of Kate’s hold, and the tension in her shoulders eased. When Kate pulled back, she gave Paula a knowing look and a sharp nod. “Better,” she said softly
Whatever that’s supposed to mean.
Paula opened her mouth to ask, but Kate was already making for the door.
