Page 23 of Defenseless
Sabina clutched her sister’s hand. “What happened? Why didn’t you talk to me?”
Kara sniffed and shook her head. “Because there was no need. We were together for four months, but then he was sent to Africa. He couldn’t even tell me where. And yes, before you ask, he was military.”
“What happened?” she asked again.
“What happens so often in a war zone. He was killed. Caught by a sniper as he tried to pull one of his injured men to safety after an ambush. One of his friends was kind enough to track me down and give me the news.”
Her sister’s pain lanced through her as if it were her own, and she fought back tears for a man she’d never known. “You never said anything.”
Kara gave her a sad smile. “What would I have said?”
Sabina considered that. It wasn’t as if she could have rushed off to her sister’s side if she’d known of her heartbreak. This meeting was the first time they’d seen each other in three years. There were reasons they stayed apart. But even so…
“I would have liked knowing about your happiness even if there was nothing I could do to help with your pain,” Sabina said.
Kara shrugged. “I don’t know that things would have ended differently if my life—ifourlives—were different. His job was dangerous, and his death had nothing to do with me.”
“But you wonder if it would have been different when youweretogether. If you’d been able to give him everything of yourself.”
Kara looked off to the horizon then nodded. “If anyone would have made me question our decisions, it would have been him.” She took a few deep breaths then turned and smiled at Sabina.
“And you? Who is this man?”
Sabina felt a flush creep up her cheeks. She wasn’t much for blushing, not at her age, but this day was nothing if not filled with surprises. “I’ve known him for a couple of years, and there’s always been something between us. But he’s not a halfway kind of guy. And it’s all or nothing with him. For a while, I was okay.” She paused. “I was okay withnothing. But lately, he’s changed and…it’s making it hard not to want more,” she answered. Then she proceeded to tell Kara all about Chad Warwick and his extended family. As the words flowed, the awkwardness of admitting her feelings for him out loud, and the terror that came along with admitting those feelings, diminished. It almost felt as if they were back in high school, gossiping about boys.
Almost.
“He’s not Nate,” Kara said softly when Sabina had talked herself out.
“Not yet, he’s not,” Sabina said, voicing her biggest fear.
Kara shook her head. “Don’t be stubborn. You know what I mean. This man you’ve fallen for has lived, and survived, combat. He knows how to fight, and he knows how to protect himself.” Kara hesitated, then took a deep breath before pressing on. “Please don’t think I’m second-guessing your decision not to tell Nate the truth—I know in my heart it wouldn’t have made a difference. But with Chad, maybe telling him is the best way to protect him. He can’t protect himself, or you, from things he doesn’t know.”
Sabina’s heart squeezed in her chest. “I agree, it wouldn’t have made a difference with Nate. He didn’t die because of what he knew or didn’t. He died because he was close to me.”
“Then isn’t it already too late for Chad? Whether you admit it or not, it sounds like you’re already close.”
Suddenly, Sabina found it hard to breathe as the truth of the situation hit her. She’d been fooling herself for months. Years, even. The distance she kept between them, the distanceChadkept between them, was flimsy at best. They might not share family secrets or swap childhood stories, but theywereclose. Other than her sister, there was no one more important to her than him. And once again, she’d put someone at risk simply by being a part of their life.
Her sister was right. Shehadto tell him the truth. It would be the only way to protect him.
“It’s been a long time that we’ve been living like this, Sabina,” her sister said. “I know we could go on for years. We’re both happy in a way. But if we’re given a chance for more, maybe it’s time to stop running. Maybe it’s time to consider the possibility of putting an end to it altogether.”
Sabina’s gaze shot to Kara. “What do you mean?”
Kara lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know much about investigating crime, but I do know that medicine has changed a lot in past fifteen years. Maybe there’s a chance, with new technology, that we could prove what we know happened that night. But even if we can’t, we’re older, more experienced, and we have friends in high places. Hell, you work for the sister of the vice president, a man who is all but the anointed next president. We’re not those scared little girls anymore.
“I’d like to see that man rot in hell for what he did. But even if we can’t prove it, surely there’s a way to safeguard ourselves? A way to give ourselves a chance to reach for what we want?” Kara’s question reached deep inside Sabina. With her sister giving voice to the possibility of going after the man who’d killed their mother, Sabina realized that subconsciously, she’d already considered it. Not the how or when, but what it would be like if they succeeded. And how their lives would be different. Maybe itwasworth considering. Maybe it was worth more than considering. As Kara had said, they weren’t scared young girls anymore. They had resources now. And connections.
“Are you leaving again?” Sabina asked instead. She needed time to think about what Kara was suggesting. She wanted to believe it would work. But after years of keeping so many secrets, she didn’t want to act without considering all the potential consequences.
Kara nodded. “I was going to stay in LA for a month or two. After the thing at the conference, though, I signed up to go to Bangladesh and help after the latest cyclone.” When Kara wasn’t traveling, she lived in a small apartment in Malibu. The proximity between Mystery Lake and Malibu was one of the reasons Sabina had originally opted to stay on the East Coast. The closer they were, the harder it would be to stay apart. But what if they could change things? What if they could find a way to make themselves safe? If so, being five hours away from her sister would be a godsend.
Sabina acknowledged Kara’s decision with a nod. As she did, a little grain of hope took root. Could this be the last time one or the other of them had to run off? Sabina wasn’t prepared to commit to that path yet. She was even less ready to consider where that path might take them. But their conversation had given her permission to at least think about it.
“You’ll keep me posted on what you decide?” Kara asked, letting go of Sabina’s hand and rising from the swing.
“I’m not deciding anything on my own, Kara.Wemake this decision, or it doesn’t get made.”
