Page 45 of Relentless
“Two weeks later, he was dead,” she all but whispered. “I didn’t know for another month after that. I wasn’t on his notification paperwork, but one of his teammates tracked me down and told me. If it hadn’t been for Noah, his friend, I don’t know how long it would have taken me to find out.”
Ethan remained silent then he lifted her hand and kissed it. “I’m sorry,” he said.
She blinked away the tears threatening to spill over. The last thing she needed was to start crying in public. “Thank you,” she said. “He was a good man. Smart, funny, wise in ways that maybe he shouldn’t have been at his age.”
“Depending on what he did for the army, the military can do that to a person. To the good ones, anyway,” Ethan said.
“His assignment was never going to be a walk in the park, though,” she continued. “When Noah found me, he told me what he could about the mission. The truth was, the entire team had been worried. It wasn’t a suicide mission, but it was as close as. Lucas hid that from me. He hid his concerns and worries. He hid the truth of what he was being sent to do. I understand he couldn’t have told me what he wasphysicallygoing to be doing, but he hid his feelings about it. He carried that with him when he could have shared it with me.
“I was angry for a long time,” she continued. “I felt betrayed, to a certain extent. As if he didn’t trust me. Intellectually, I know he was trying to protect me, and maybe even protect himself. But it didn’t feel that way at the time.” She paused, remembering the gut-wrenching anger that had ripped through her soul after her talk with Noah. Anger fueled by sorrow, loss, and heartache.
“But the thing about relationships is that it takes two to tango, as they say. And it took me a few years to understand my part in the charade,” she said, forcing her mind back to the here and now. “Lucas might not have told me the truth, but I didn’t ask it of him, either. I didn’t want to consider where he was being sent and what he was being sent to do. I didn’t want to believe that the assignment was anything other than the words he fed me. I didn’t press him because it was easier for me to not confront the truth. Andthatis something that took a long time to forgive myself for.” She stopped talking and started peeling the label from her bottle again. It was almost off when she asked, “How did you know?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer, but she felt she needed to.
He took a moment before responding. “This thing between us is big, Kara. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. And it’s not the kind of thing that can exist one-sided. I understood your hesitation to start something when I first asked you out. But the more we spent time together, I realized that it wasn’t just the perceived chaos of your life holding you back. That was a part of it, for sure. And I don’t want to downplay it. But I knew there had to be more. Therehadto be something you couldn’t, or weren’t ready to, move through. Something that had your heart shying away from me. In my mind, there wasnothingelse that would keep us away from each other.”
Kara’s lungs felt as though someone had sucked the air from them. She hadn’t ever thought of her experience with Lucas as being part of the reason she’d held Ethan at arm’s length. Mostly because she tried not to think of Lucas at all. But Ethan’s words had stripped her of that illusion and laid her heart bare.
The way Lucas had been shipped off on orders he couldn’t have said no to. The way he’d downplayed the danger of his assignment. The way she’d let him. The fact that he’d been killed. And the fact that the man she’d loved had been dead forweeksand she’d been none the wiser. She’d just carried on with her life, laughing, working, and waiting until they could be together again.
Ithadbroken her. If only for a while. She could see that now.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
In an instant, Ethan turned them both so that they faced each other. “You have nothing,nothing, to be sorry for,” he said.
“I didn’t even realize what I was doing, but you’re right,” she said.
He brushed a tear from her cheek. “You did what you needed to heal, Kara. Some people never do that. You did. I’m heartbroken for your loss. I hate that you went through that. But we’re here now.”
“You know I love you, right?” she asked.
Ethan blinked, then swallowed hard. “I do now,” he said, his voice breaking a touch.
She sat up straighter in her chair and raised a palm to cup his cheek. “I do love you. I have for some time. My reticence came from me being unsure about myself. Not about you. Never about you. The thought of my chaotic, undefined life hurting you was unacceptable. So I convinced myself I needed to figure it all out before letting you in.”
“The only way you’ll hurt me is if you shut me out,” he said. “You took the time you needed to get to this point. But fair warning, I’m not going to let you shy away again. If there’s a problem, we talk about it. If you don’t know what job to take or even if to take one at all, we talk about it. I love you, too, and I’m all in, Kara. This is us and we make it what we want. But we can only make it what we both want if we’re honest with each other.”
He reached up and brushed another tear from her cheek. Then he leaned forward and kissed her softly. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against hers. “You okay with that?” he asked.
She nodded. He let out a quiet breath, letting her know that she wasn’t the only one affected by this conversation.
“Can we leave now?” she asked. His gaze shot to hers. She offered him a watery smile in response to the concern in his eyes. “I’m glad we had this conversation, but I’m feeling a little raw. I’d much rather be curled up in bed with you in the quiet of our bus than…here,” she said, nodding to the room filled with people.
A gentle smile touched his lips, and he leaned forward and kissed her one more time. “I couldn’t agree more. We can let Cody know on the way out.”
CHAPTERSEVENTEEN
At ten o’clock thenext morning, Ethan and Kara sat in the back seat of an SUV as Cass navigated along roads that wove through LA like the tunnels of an ant farm. Kara had slept plastered to his side all night, and despite the concern for her friend lurking in her eyes, she looked well rested and ready to take on the day.
Which was more than Ethan could say for himself. Not that he wasn’t well rested. Kara had even awoken him in the best possible way less than two hours ago. But now that they were on their way to Evelyn’s house, unease slithered through his system. Being in the back seat didn’t help, either. He had no mirrors to look at and no way to ensure they weren’t being followed. Not that he thought Bill and Cass wouldn’t notice. It just wasn’t in his nature to hand the duty of guarding his—and Kara’s—back over to just anyone.
“Sabina tried a couple more times yesterday and again this morning. She still couldn’t reach her,” Kara said, giving him something to focus on.
“It’s possible she’s away,” he reminded her. “Any chance they checked her credit card activity?”
Kara nodded. “Her card was last used at a boutique in Malibu five days ago.”
“That’s a long way from home,” Ethan commented. Evelyn lived in Newport Beach, about a two-hour drive from Malibu. Perhaps she’d gone north for a few days of vacation. It would be a little unusual, but not impossible.
