Page 32 of Hidden
“You’re leaving?” Not his most articulate response. And of course she was leaving. LA was her home. He just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.
The vehement shake of her head confused him.
“You’re going to LA, but you’re not leaving?” he asked, trying to parse her response.
She took a deep breath then spoke on the exhale. “I have to go down for a fitting. The costume people for my next film are coming tomorrow afternoon. Then Tuesday morning I have an appointment with the designer of the dress I’m wearing to the Oscars.” She paused and met his gaze. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to come back. Come back here,” she clarified. “After Tuesday, I don’t have to be anywhere before mid-April.”
“Except the Oscars,” he said, the moment feeling a little surreal. In his wildest dreams, he’d never thought he’d be reminding someone about their Oscar attendance.
She made a face. “That’s only one night, though. I might not even stay for the parties if I can get a flight back after the event.” She paused then searched his face as she asked, “Would you mind?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Of course I don’t mind.” And he didn’t. Although having her under his roof was a sweet kind of torture. Since she’d moved in, not a single night passed that he didn’t think about inviting her into his bed. Some nights were more difficult to get through than others. But if she felt safest in his home, then that’s where he wanted her. And no matter how hard—literally and figuratively—it was having her close and not being able to touch her, he’d deal with it.
“I know it’s a lot,” she said.
“It’s not,” he cut her off. Other than his raging attraction to her, she was the easiest roommate he’d ever had.
She flashed him a quick, but grateful, smile. “You really are nice, aren’t you?”
He let out a sardonic huff and rolled his eyes before he could stop himself. Turning to look at the fire, he hoped she missed his reaction. She’d been complimenting him. Not teasing him, like his cousins. She didn’t deserve his annoyed response.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her cock her head as she studied him. He sighed internally. He owed her an explanation. But before he could speak, she said, “No, I’d go more with kind. I think you’re a kind person, Asher.Niceimplies not making any waves or brushing over things to avoid conflict so that everything stayspleasant. I don’t think that’s you.”
“And ‘kind?’” he asked, both wanting and not wanting to hear her response.
“Kindness is deeper. More authentic,” she replied. “It’s more of a character trait than an action. And it doesn’t shy away from conflict or confrontation if that’s what’s needed to make something, or someone, better.”
He shifted. She’d managed to reach right into the heart of something that had always bothered him and pluck out the truth. Given him the truth. Because what she said rang true. She’d put to words what he’d always felt but had never been able to articulate.
He looked to the fire. “I hadn’t thought of it that way, but…”
“But maybe that’s why you hate it when your family calls you ‘nice?’ Because it feels superficial? Like they don’t see the real you?” His eyes shot to hers. “Yeah, I noticed how you frown or look away whenever any of them tease you with that word.”
His gaze held hers, and she offered him a soft smile. A smile he met with one of his own. “You’re right, I hate it,” he said. “And I feel stupid for hating it. Who doesn’t want to be generallynice? But now that you’ve said what you’ve said, I think that’s exactly why I hate it. I don’t need recognition for anything I do. But I don’t want to be thought of as superficial or vapidly pleasant. Which is always how it comes across when my family teases me. As if there’s nothing more to me than beingnice. And then I have to wonder, is that what they really think of me? That I just go about life beingnice? That I don’t have any substance?”
“You know they don’t,” she replied.
Yeah, he did. They’d been teasing him foryearsabout being nice, though, and it was sometimes hard to remember. Why couldn’t they mock him for always being hyper-prepared when they went camping? Or how he made multiple plans for just about everything from what to make for dinner to the best route between one place and another? Hell, they teased Ryan about his meticuloushaircuts. Why couldn’t they have picked something different for him?
He sighed. “Thank you for that. But enough about me.” He didn’t need to wade any further into his psyche at the moment. “What has you troubled about this LA trip? I can hazard a guess, but I’d rather you tell me.”
She huffed a small laugh. “I’m sure your guess would be spot-on. Most of the incidents that have happened to me over the past six months have occurred in LA. Even though I’ll only be home for twenty-four hours, it’s possible that something will happen while I’m there. And not only do I not want to experience one, but the anxiety of dreading the possibility isn’t much fun either.”
Fear of the unknown could be as debilitating as the event itself. But if she had to go, and it sounded like she did, she’d have to come up with some strategies to cope. “Have you talked to JJ about it?”
She nodded. “We had a quick call yesterday and have another scheduled for later this afternoon. She’s putting together some strategies to help me manage.”
“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
A wan smile greeted his offer. “Come with me? I’m kidding, of course,” she hurried to add. Maybe a little too quickly. “I know you have your own life and can’t just take off for two days.”
“I could,” he said. Her gaze shot to his, and she stilled. “I haven’t had any time off in nine months,” he continued. “I could take two days to drive to LA with you.” His assistant wouldn’t love him for it. And he wasn’t sure if Ellie had even been serious. But it felt right to offer. She could always decline.
“It’s too much,” she said. Her words said one thing, but her tone conveyed an entirely different message.
“I wouldn’t offer if I couldn’t do it,” he said. “You should know that about me by now. The question is, what do you want?” He couldn’t clear his schedule completely with less than twenty-four-hour notice. But he could shift some calls around and take them by phone and video if needed.
She studied him. “I do know you wouldn’t offer to come if you felt you couldn’t. Even so, I feel incredibly selfish saying what I’m about to say. I’m going to say it anyway, though. If you can come with me, I would really like that. I know I need to stand on my own two feet. But the truth is, I trust myself more when I’m with you. Even if something bad happens, like it did the other night, I feel like I can deal with it better when I’m with you.”
