Page 102 of A Little Crush
Good. That’s all he has to say?
“Do you want any rice?” he adds.
Sure. Because carbs fix everything. Okay, they do kind of fix everything, but it’s beside the point.
Why is he acting so weird?
“How’s my dad?” I ask. Jaxon mentioned he had a board meeting with a bunch of the higher-ups. Maybe work’s bothering him?
“He’s good,” Jaxon says. “Told me to tell you hi.”
“Did he also tell you to act like a stone wall, too? Or…?”
He lets out a low chuckle and breathes in a bit more sincerity. “Sorry.” He takes another long breath. “Sorry,” he repeats. It’s the second one that settles my nerves and gives me a glimpse of therealJaxon.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“Nothing,” he repeats.
“Wait. I thought we got off Liar’s Highway. Should we try again? Maybe merge onto the next exit?” I let him go, lacing my fingers in front of me. “Okay, here we go. Ready for round three? Perfect.” Sitting up a little straighter, I say, “Hey, Jax. You seem a little down. What’s going on?”
His hand trembles ever so slightly as he reaches for his water, takes a sip, then sets it down. When he looks at me again, the wall’s a little lower, and I feel like he can see past whatever’s bothering him to really see me. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I smile, silently urging him to continue.
“The board meeting was good, but, uh, your dad got in my head a little bit.”
I nod slowly and pick up my fork. “Okay. Okay, that’s normal, I think. Do you want to expand, or let me make assumptions, or…?”
Another cleansing breath slips past his barely-there smile. “I can expand. Uh, let’s see. I guess I felt bad.”
“Bad,” I repeat.
“For touching you behind his back,” he clarifies.
I set down my fork and try to understand instead of assuming things I really don’t want to. “So, youdon’twant to touch me?”
“Fuck, Rore, I want to touch you more than anything, all right?” He reaches for my hand and squeezes. “Trust me. Watching you fall apart because of me is the hottest, most…fulfilling experience ever. Okay?” He sighs and lets me go. “It’s just that…talking to your dad today reminded me of how guilty I feel about it when I do.”
Guilty? He feels guilty? And here I thought we were making some kind of headway. Not that we aren’t. It’s not like he canceled our date tonight, but still. Feeling guilt for being with me or touching me isn’t exactly the news a girl wants to hear. Although, he is being honest, which, all thingsconsidered, means something. It means a lot. Now, I just need to convince him that his perspective is thoughtful, but…wrong.
Picking at my plate, I tell him, “To be clear, you know you would’ve had to tell my dad you’re not touching me in order to actually go behind his back when you touch me, right?” I pull back, surprised by my sudden epiphany. “Wait, is this why you haven’t let me touch you? Because you feel guilty?”
“You’ve touched me,” he argues.
“I mean your dick, Jaxon,” I clarify. “You haven’t let me touch yourdick.” The words sound so crass, so blunt, I can barely believe I’m saying them, but seriously? He wants to pretend that the innocent places I’ve touched on his body count in this situation? The guy’s delusional at best, and if I have to channel my inner Tatum to make him see how ridiculous he’s being, I will.
He shakes his head, though I can’t decide if it’s because of sheer stubbornness or confusion. “I’ve told you I’m gonna give you my cock one day?—”
“But are you going to let yourself come while you’re at it?” I challenge. “Or are you going to pull out and live with blue balls for the rest of your life out of guilt for finding pleasure in your boss’s daughter’s company, since apparently, that’s the only way you see me?”
Jaw hanging off its hinge, he stares at me, dumbfounded. Hell, the man looks like I just told him I have a third eyeball as a belly button or something. “Rory, you know I want you to touch me, and that I want to find…”—he gulps—“pleasure with you.”
I drop to my knees and reach for his belt. “Then prove it. Come down my throat.”
His molars grind as I struggle with the buckle before his hand descends on mine. “Stop.”
I glare up at him. “Jaxon, this relationship has nothing todo with guiltormy dad. This relationship is between me and you.”
