Page 26 of A Little Crush
“Yeah, because you don’t know her personally and are far enough removed from the situation that you could give me advice on how to handle everything without being too biased.”
“Exactly.” She grins. “Which is why you should give me an update now that you’ve officially seen her again.”
An update? Well, she’s not a little kid anymore. That much I know.
“Jax?”
“Not sure what you want me to say,” I mutter. “She’s here.”
“And?” my mom pushes.
And what? She’s still pushing me away, even though we’ve cleared the air as much as she’ll let me. She got another dog, and the dog likes me. She’s seeing someone, and I had no idea. Not that I should’ve known or should care in the first place. The most shocking part, though? The fact that her brother doesn’t care, either. Doesn’t care that Rory’s seeing a guy who’s almost twice her age. Doesn’t care that he’s a rockstar and could have a dozen STDs. That she’s dating the last person I would’ve ever pegged her to date. To be with.
“Jax?” my mom prods.
I run my tongue along my upper teeth. “Sorry.”
“You look frustrated,” she notes. “Did something happen?”
Fuck video calls.
“Not frustrated,” I lie, forcing my hand to unclench from my knee. “And nothing happened, really. I’m just confused, I guess.” I pause, unsure if opening this can of worms is worth the effort or makes me look like a crazy person. It sure as hell makes me feel like I’m losing my mind.
“What’s confusing?” she pushes.
“Nothing, it’s just…Rory’s seeing someone even older than I am, so I guess she’s always had a thing for older men? I don’t know. It's weird. Not that there’s anything wrong with dating an older guy, but…”
Her eyes widen. “Wow. That’s…news. Does this mean you guys are good again, at least? It’s been, what? About ten years since you saw her last? Is she finally over her embarrassment and everything?”
“I think so,” I mutter, though I’m not entirely sure. “She’s, uh, she’s still keeping her distance, but I don’t know if it’s because it’s been so long and she feels like she doesn’t know me anymore, or if it’s because she doesn’t want to make her boyfriend jealous, or if it’s because…”
Because she still hates me.
The thought rears its ugly head in my mind before I can stop it.
Despite painting herself as nothing but a kid, I liked hanging out with Rory. I liked being the one to make her smile. The one to comfort her before and after Archer’s death. The one she ran to when she scraped her knee as a kid or hated her new haircut. The one she could confide in. Hell, I was the first person who knew about her compulsive tendencies. And, despite what most people think, OCD doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with being clean or liking things in order. It can be sticky thoughts or irrationalfears that refuse to be brushed aside, not without a shit-ton of effort anyway.
And maybe that’s all I ever was. A sticky thought. An excuse to call me or text me about her day because if she didn’t, she believed something bad might happen.
Fuck, is that all I was? A compulsion?
“Well, I think it’s good,” my mom decides.
Her words cut through my thoughts like a hot knife through butter, and my focus sharpens on her kind smile and long, silvery hair, which she stopped dyeing about three years ago. “What’s good?” I ask.
“That she’s able to finally let you go and move on,” she explains.
“Yeah.” A pang hits between my ribs, shocking the hell out of me. Is that what happened? She let me go? And if that’s the case, is it a bad thing? It shouldn’t be. I want her to be happy, and she’s happy, so why the hell am I struggling with it? I’m lonely. That’s all. I’m lonely, and I miss our friendship. “Yeah, you’re right. It is good.”
If only I believed it.
10
RORY
I’ve been debating long and hard about whether or not I should have this conversation. Long. And. Hard. But even now, I can’t decide if I’m making a mistake.
Clutching the coffee cup to my chest, I take another peek at the man across from me. I’m still not sure if it was a good idea to ask him if we could chat. But after replaying my conversation with Jaxon during Ghost in the Graveyard, I figured it couldn’t hurt. Right? I probably should’ve ordered drinks for both of us, but since I didn’t want this to feel like a date, I only ordered a coffee for myself. Now, I’m definitely second-guessing the decision. After all, I’m about to ask him for a favor, aren’t I? Maybe I should wait for the barista to call his name before I bring everything up. Or maybe not. I don’t know?
