Page 68 of A Little Crush
“What?” I repeat for what feels like the hundredth time since I rolled out of Rory’s bed.
“Nothing,” she snaps. “Now, will you please let me go shower?”
But I don’t move. I don’t back away. And I sure as shit don’t step aside so she can slip past me and hide in her room the way I know she wants. “Rory, was last night your first kiss?” Her nostrils flare, and she shifts to her left, but I mirror her movements, blocking her. “Answer the question.”
“Let me go, Jaxon?—”
“Answer the question,” I growl. Because she has to be lying. She has to. There’s no way a woman like Rory, a woman who looks like her and acts like her and has a heart of gold like her would be a virgin, let alone so innocent she hasn’t even experienced an actual kiss until the sloppy one I planted on her while I was blackout drunk.
Fuck! I screwed up even more than I thought.
“Tell me I’m wrong,” I beg. My chest heaves with restraint. “Tell me it was a shitty kiss and nothing compared to Dodger’s or Crowther’s or any other guy who was lucky enough to have a chance with you over the years. But don’t, for the love of everything good in this world, tell me that I stole your first kiss and can barely remember it.”
Peeking up at me, her thick, dark lashes somehowmanaging to make her already pretty eyes brighter than any I’ve ever seen, Rory whispers, “Don’t make me say it.”
Like a punch to the gut, the air whooshes from my lungs, and I shake my head. “Rore.”
“Please.”
My attention falls to her lips, her perfectly pouty lips, causing my guilt to reach an all-time high. She’s never been kissed? And I fucking took it from her? Just like that? How do I fix this? I need to fix this. “I’m not gonna lie to you,” I rasp. “I don’t remember much after I slipped into your bed, but…” I swallow, sorting through last night’s memory, though it’s just as fuzzy as before. Not much sticks out other than the realization of how soft and sweet she felt beneath me. My dick twitches in my sweats, and I fight for control. Of the situation. Of my own visceral reaction. Of my not-so-innocent thoughts. All of it.
“It was an honest mistake,” she says numbly.
“Let me finish,” I beg as determination floods my system. “I don’t remember much, okay? It’s messed up, and I wish it wasn’t true, but I’ll tell you what I do remember, all right?”
“Jax, don’t?—”
“Rory, these were the sweetest lips I’ve ever tasted.”
Her expression falls as if my admission hurts her when I was trying to do the opposite.
“You don’t need to flatter me, Jax.”
“Not flattering you,” I growl, desperate to make her understand.
“Of course not.” She swallows and reaches up, patting my chest. “I’m going to…I’m going to shower. Do you have Pops?”
I glance at my daughter on her tummy a few feet away. Her arms and legs flap back and forth as she pulls Hades’ tail, oblivious to just how badly her father’s fucking up this morning. With a huff, Hades raises his head, licks her fingers,then rests back on the ground, giving her the side-eye but not bothering to move from his spot next to the couch.
I give Rory a subtle nod, confirming I’ll keep an eye on my baby girl, even though it means Rory’s only obligation for standing in the same room with me is null and void. At least for the time being.
Without a word, Rory steps around me, and this time, I let her, watching as she disappears into her room and closes the door behind her.
I fucked up. The problem is, I don’t know how to fix it. I scrub my hand over my face, reeling. How the hell was that her first kiss? Her firstrealkiss?
I always knew that moment all those years ago would've affected her, hitting her self-esteem harder than I ever could’ve imagined while knowing I had no choice. But even then, I never would’ve guessed she’d shy away from intimacy completely. It’s like she took that one experience of rejection and carried it with her, convinced it was the standard for every potential encounter from there on out, so why bother opening up with anyone ever again? It’s like she’s still stuck in middle school on my couch. Her eyes brimming with tears and her cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment when I turned her down after realizing what she wanted from me.
It’s why she’s still hurting.
Why my apology this morning cut her so deeply.
Because last night, I gave her hope. I let her believe that a kiss doesn’t have to suck or be followed by shame. And what did I do? I proved how fucking wrong she was all over again.
26
JAXON
Inever minded silence. Not until now. Unless we’re discussing Poppy, Rory’s barely said two words to me. Not since she admitted I was her first and only kiss. Hell, even getting her to look at me feels like an uphill battle. I might as well be a ghost. But the worst part? I can’t even blame her for it.
